OK I didnt come across this with my older two boys so am starting to run out of ideas...

Joshua is 12 he will be 13 in a couple of weeks and is driving us mad, he is tormenting the younger children being lazy not helping unless its with a nasty comment or face.

He has never been any trouble he was the ideal little lad happy go lucky always smiling. He still smiles all the time but is hurting the younger children by being too rough when he plays with them to the point that our five year old said 'when I am a teen I wont hurt anyone'. He is a bit cheeky to me as well although not his dad who is stricter than me I admit.

I have toughened up with him and he knows I will not back down on things I say now.

We have tried the following.

Turning things into fun.
banning him from playing with the younger children.
Told him his skiing trip wont happen if he does not stop (he knows we will do this).
Talking to him like an adult and trying to reason with him.

What else can we try ?

[(JD)]

If this is a sudden change in behavior, then I'd say something has occurred to cause it. It could be hormones, it could be an incident.

Either way, discussion should ensue, and let him see and know that humans need to discuss things! A physical exam by a male doctor who he might listen to (esp about hormones) would make sure it isn't something physical other than that ... and if he's experienced something negative he is acting out about, he might share as well.

I would in one of those adult sit downs make a rule list...in writing, a chart? And make agreement to what the rule is and what the consequence of breaking it is (you can add beneficial actions as well, and what rewards are there) .. that way when he pushes a rule, it's the agreement that is being invoked, and not the "ogre" parent.
Good wishes.

Wow love the idea of an agreement, we are not happy having to 'tell him off' all the time this way as you say it will be him not us !

We are very involved in his life and the only thing that has happened recently was that another lad at school was trying to bully him but Josh offered him out for a fight and the kid took the following day off school.... So he sorted that one out.

Other than that no change which leaves hormones ! Yes I feel they are raging through his body at the moment so a trip to the Drs might be good if only for him to talk.

Thank you !

[lynn P.]

Ask him about the general atmosphere at school. My daughters 12 and will be 13 in Dec. and I've noticed a change also - more cynical, attitude etc. There is a ton of name calling, swearing and drama at this age. This is the time when the reality of real life starts setting in and they start transitioning from being a carefree kid to a young adult. Have a nice talk and find out if the school atmosphere is toxic - he might be stressed out and bringing this home.

You can also get him into some regular exercise and some one on one time with your hubby or you. This will make him feel special and gives you a chance to talk about things. Good luck ((Tishie))

He works with his dad on a Saturday cleaning out the animals and they really have a fun time, your right about the school, this is something which could be causing the problem I will let hubby read your reply and let him talk to Josh as he is better with words than I am...

Hugs Lynn and thank you.

[anna342]

I wanted to reply when I first read this, only I don't have a clue about kids. I hope the suggestions made can be of use and you get things sorted. I hope it's a phase, he's a good kid really.

Toothlesslady gave me fantastic advice in chat, I am going to follow through on any punishment I say that I am as I am the weak link in this marriage.

I am going to hit him where it hurts .... His money. He gets £5 a week pocket money and I am going to take 50p off him everytime he is rude lazy or ignores me. He will get it back in a lump sum IF he does something really nice. Because I am giving the money back to him I can follow this through I do not feel bad.

His basic nature is happy go lucky nice lad so this should not take long.

He has had alot of changes in his life in the past few months he has gone from a tiny school to a very large school. He was the big fish in the pond now he is the smallest fish in the ocean. (I think I said that right lol).

He is testing the boundaries here with us and we have to let him know what they are in a fair but firm way.

[TL]

Tishie,

I'm glad I was able to help you with your son and thank you for acknowleding my advice. It's not often people will say thank you like that.

Lady

You are more than welcome ...