8 year old got hurt "at school"...???

Sounds like a good plan you wrote on 5/14. It is now early 5/19 - why are you not carrying through with the plan???

A majority of people on here have been where your daughter could be, we are really concerned about her.

Please get her help soon.....

If its a false alarm then fantastic but something needs to be done to find out one way or another.

The wait for some news on this is difficult and mind boggling. Why no response? Whx even post this to begin with if you do not intend to at least get the child checked out?

I agree this a starting to get confusing. When this originally was posted I didn't want to jump to conclusions since we don't really know the whole situation. We can't automatically assume this is a SA case. One important piece on info is missing, which is speaking/seeing your daughter. I'll be straight forward and say these are the possibilities:

1. She started her period early - yes girls as young as 8 can start. Maybe she was scared and not told about periods
2. She suffered a straddle injury on the play equipment.
3. Has an UTI infection which can cause bleeding.
4. God forbid she was SA.
5. This is a misunderstanding of some sort.

I will gently say what I would do if this were me:

1. Immediately go to the school, pick up my child and go to the doctor. Speak with teacher and principle.
2. Speak with my child directly. An 8 yr old can explain what happened.
3. If ex husband says he took her to the doctor - get the name and speak to him/her yourself.

You mentioned your child was visiting this past weekend -was it canceled? Have you spoken to your daughter yet since this school incident. You have the right to call her school and doctor. If this is a misunderstanding then that's fine, just let us know because many of us are concerned about children welfare. When a member posts about a possible SA of a child, members here hope to see some action and discovery taken.

sorry I haven't updated this thread, my internet was down last night and today until now.
I knew you guys would be waiting for a response, sorry to leave you hanging.

I still haven't seen my daughter or talked to her in person. I will be picking her up after school tomorrow. I have talked to CPS, the guardian ad litem, and the school principal.

Whether I take her to the doctor or not tomorrow will depend on what she says when I talk to her. She says her dad did take her to the doctor, and part of my delay in taking her in myself has been not wanting to subject her to another exam if it wasn't necessary. That and the fact that I have been denied physical access to the child.

This has been an enormously difficult process for me of trying to do the best thing for my child, trying not to either over-react or under-react, and trying to manage my own emotional and mental health in the face of this hugely triggering situation. I have spent a lot of time talking to my T about this and about whether and when to make the phone calls to the authorities, etc.

I can say that I felt better after talking to the principal because she said my daughter was able to take her out to the playground and show her exactly where and how the accident happened. One of my major concerns all along was how vague my daughter was when I questioned her about it, and I was waiting to talk to her in person to see if she could be more specific. Talking the principal helped me feel like there is still a possibility that it really was just a playground accident.

I'm not saying that's what I believe happened. I still don't know what happened. Yes, I would have handled things differently in the beginning if I knew I wasn't going to have my daughter over the weekend, but hindsight is 20/20.

As it stands now there are at least 3 reports of this incident to CPS, possibly 4. The ball is in their court as far as investigating further. I am also waiting to have a more in-depth conversation with the guardian ad litem when she gets out of court this afternoon. I may possibly still take my daughter to the doctor tomorrow, the hope right now is that her father will give the GAL the information about whether he took her to the dr and if so, which dr it was, so that I can have a conversation with that person and find out what they saw.

I realize you guys care about my daughter's interest in this and I appreciate that and the support you have shown me here. I feel a little defensive and judged by some of the posters in this thread. Please understand that I, too, am a survivor of CSA and I am doing my best in a difficult situation. Judging me harshly doesn't help, it doesn't help me and it certainly doesn't help my daughter.

I'll update again as things progress

edited to add: I haven't read all of the posts in this thread yet, I was in a hurry to come here and update after being offline for over 24 hours. I'll come back a bit later and answer the relevant questions. I'm not sure if I posted this or not, but her father denied me my regularly scheduled visitation over the weekend, that's why I haven't seen her and that in itself was a huge red flag for me, along with many other things.

Did the principle say it was a straddle injury - like falling the wrong way on the monkey bars? If you don't mind me asking and you don't have to answer - since your husband was abusive and SA you, how did he get custody, with a record like this? Most judges wouldn't even give a guy any custody accept supervised visits(if that).

Most of the posters who answered this thread are either passionate mothers ourselves or former SA assault survivors - this is why it touched a nerve. I hope your daughter is safe and you get peace of mind.

Sorry if you felt judged by some of the responses on the thread. We really do care. I was wondering if you could put this on your list of questions to answer.... How did it come to pass that the judge did not award you full custody of all 4 children, but awarded them to a sexual preditor? Had the judge done the right thing, the kids would have been in your care and would have gotten all your answers right away.

yes, the principal described the story as this: my daughter was swinging on some bars, and in front of her was a vertical pole. She was basically singing away from and towards this pole, and her hands slipped as she was arcing towards the pole. Her legs were apart and the pole hit her squarely between them. This does sound believable to me, and while I won't brush this under the carpet based on that alone, I do feel better.

I feel kind of meh about answering questions about the specifics of the custody arrangement, but in thinking about it I realize that the reason I don't want to answer is not because of the privacy issues but because I am so conflicted myself about what happened and why my children live with their father and his girlfriend instead of me. I don't want to talk about it because I hate putting the whole sorry story into words.

But. I absolutely understand why people would wonder, and anyway if anyone cared to read my posts here on PC they could find out. I appreciate the support I've gotten at PC in general and in this thread specifically. So, in a nutshell, I attempted suicide. When I was in the hospital recovering, my husband decided to begin separation/divorce proceedings. He got a restraining order, based on my suicide attempt ALONE, that stopped me from being able to go home or even contacting my children. Then we began the course of hearings and court dates, eventually I was allowed supervised visits for a time and then unsupervised ones, and now I have them every other weekend. That's what happened. It wasn't right, or fair, and my kids have suffered the brunt of it, but the judge involved felt he had to err on the side of caution since my mental state was in question.

As to my husband's (and I realize I vacillate between calling him my H and my EX. Legally we are still married, but in every other way he is my ex) status as a sex offender, unfortunately I never reported the sexual abuse and so there is nothing in terms of charges or convictions, etc, against him.

I imagine you, some of you, will judge me for that as well but I hope not too harshly. I came from a history of CSA and then a brutal SA just before I met my husband. I did not know any other life and did not think anyone would care or listen to me if I told them my husband was abusing me that way. I did not know there was such a thing as a law against partner rape.

it is a person, in this case an attorney, appointed by the judge to represent the best interests of the child/ren in court. It's fairly common in custody cases. She doesn't work for or represent either myself or my soon-to-be-ex, she represents the children only. She will have to make a report to CPS based on my conversation with her about this incident. I believe the school may have done so, too, as well as my T and myself of course.

Very triggering....I was 8 years old and nobody protected me....So sorry....Prayers for your daughter.

(((((Zooropa))))),

Reading your last post, I can completely understand the how's & why's that went into this situation. What a rough situation you have been in all your life. It is understandable the care you are taking in handling this. Given your situation, I think you have handled this very wisely & we can't always jump into immediate action but need to put the pieces together to have a solid picture before jumping to any conslusions expecially when we have had a situation like you did that they were already looking at your mental situation.

I know I had SU attempts in my past. When I confronted the home care person about abusing my mother (which she stole her identity, wrote checks, called the police to have them accuse me of abusing my mother, then she OD'ed my mother).......when I filed the report with APS & had the social worker file a report in the hospital about my Mother, I was threatened to back off or my past would come back to haunt me.......so I very much understand your concern to handle the situation carefully.

I hope you are able to push on some of the questionable issues & see if there can be some controls put on the actions of your husband. It's difficult seeing so many red flags that you know need to be resolved in your mind. This may be a good time to have a general conversation with your daughter about SA even if the situation was a school accident so that he understands your concern & she can be made aware of what SA is about (in general, not in a father accusing way). That way if something does happen to her & she knows you are there for her if anything happens to her anywhere in that way, she will be more likely to open up to you about it, knowing you are there for her if anything should happen. That could give you a little bit more comfortable feeling knowing that she wouldn't cover it up if something should ever happen to her at any time, anywhere. This could be a good chance to grow closer to her given the situation of not being able to have your children.

It's so hard to make sure that children are aware of SA & knowing that it isn't right without alarming them or letting it sound accusing, but I am sure there is a way to make it happen. It's better that children aren't naive about things like that. We found out about it at a young age when my neighbor had a male family friend from church who was attempting to abuse the girls in the family. Maybe with the help of your T, you can find a good way to approach your daughter about the subject in a way that you will feel better about her being knowledgeable about it & know that she can alway come to you if anything should even be attempted let alone happen to give you a little bit safer feeling for her.

A very difficult situation for you I can completely understand your frustration in wanting to have your daughter safe yet feeling in a difficult position to make sure of that.

My prayers that the right handling of this will come to you & all will work out well for your daughters safety in a meaningful but not fearful way for her.

Thank you ((Zooropa)) for explaining and opening up about your life and marriage. If the principle corroborates your daughter suffered a straddle injury, then this sounds reasonable to me IMO.

I agree with ((Eskielover)) that every child should be spoken to about boundaries and how no one should touch their private parts and vice-a-versa. From a very young age I told my girls that no one should touch their privates and I role played with them. Sadly the majority of child molestations are by a family member or friend of the family, so I would say to my girls "what if your dad's friend offered to give you a ride"?? I made it clear to my girls, if that nice relative or friend of the family over steps the boundaries, they no longer have to be polite and nice. I told them, it's perfectly fine to be rude, scream and run away. So if you have this talk with her, at least she knows to say no and tell someone if God forbid it ever happens.

I'm very sorry you lost your kids due to the suicide attempt. I realize he basically took advantage of the circumstances and has you 'by the neck', so to speak. Since you're not divorced yet, could you get some legal representation and win your kids back. You can do this by doing well in therapy and this is proof you're stable now. You can bring up, that your husband was abusive to you and violent. Don't give up, just because you went through a bad time, doesn't mean you can't get well and fight for them.

I think you can relax as long as your daughter's story coincides with the principles. Have that discussion I talked about above and let her know she has rights and is in control of her body. Keep yourself well and hopefully you can get your kids back. Just because you illness caused you to make a mistake, isn't reason to lose your kids for good. Since you're still married I think it would be very wise to start divorce preceding against him. Find a good lawyer who'll stick up for your rights.

Here is a good website for you to look at:

http://www.nami.org

I have definitely had a lot of conversations with my kids about good touch/bad touch, how keeping secrets can hurt people, how you can't always tell when someone is "safe" or not.

I'm looking forward to (finally) seeing my daughter and talking to her after school today.

Good to know you've had those conversations with your kids. Best of luck and enjoy your time together.

Major internet crash here so I haven’t been online for a couple of days. I’m so glad to hear that things seem to be on the up and up. Since your children have a GAL, if you have any concerns in the future, I would contact him/her immediately.

yeah, it didn't even occur to me to contact the GAL until a couple days after I found out about the incident, and then it was the weekend so I had to wait until Monday. Just shows how much out of my head I was, just not thinking straight.

I had a good visit w/my kids tonight and spent a little time talking to my little one. She seems fine, acting like her usual self and says she doesn't have anymore pain or bleeding. I talked to her again about good touch/bad touch and what to do if she ever has any questions or feels weird about something someone says or does to her.

I really think this did happen the way she described it to her principal. I am also glad that I did call CPS and I know there were a couple other reports to them, too, from people that I talked to. I am glad to know that they will likely investigate and I don't feel bad about calling them. Much better to have over-reacted than to not deal with what could possibly have been a case of CSA.

If there are any further developments I will post here. I fully expect her father to come unglued when/if he hears from CPS. I will deal with that when it happens.

It is hard to say what CPS will do to investigate. Likely they will speak to the school, perhaps the doctor. Whether or not they actually come to the child's home is optional. Somebody called CPS on me when I was divorcing my abusive ex twenty years ago and they talked to me on the telephone and they talked to my nurse manager about the situation but never came to my house.

It is good that your daughter knows to tell you if something inappropriate happens. Too often little ones feel ashamed and hide it for years (I did).

Let us know if you learn anything new.

CPS has been involved with our family before, at the time of my suicide attempt, so that fact may cause them to be more aggressive with their follow up on this than they might otherwise be. On the other hand, they are overburdened and this may not be a high priority compared to other cases they are dealing with. So I don't know what to expect but am prepared for anything.

I would imagine that dealing with CPS must be extremely stressful and frustrating if you feel that they are involved unnecessarily. But I hope that your husband would understand that you did this with his daughter’s best interest at heart. It’s not like you call them every other day for no reason.

I'm happy you spoke to your daughter and she corroberated the same story as the principle - I think you can feel peaceful now. I agree you shouldn't feel guilty about calling CPS - hopefully your husband knows to be on his toes.
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Trigger - speaks about attempted SA



I'm also glad you spoke again about good/bad touch. I''ve told this story before here at PC, but I want to share it again. When I was a young girl, my mother warned me frequently about strangers, but she didn't warn me about family or friends possibly being a predator.

When I was 13 my BIL grabbed me and tried to kiss me and actually whined about not getting anything from me. I can't express how totally stunned I was. I knew him since I was 5, so he was like a brother to me. Usually when people are stunned/shocked they freeze and that's when SA happens. Luckily for me my instincts kicked in, plus I was fuming he would do this to my sister. I pushed him and ran.

So the reason I'm telling this story, isn't just for you Zooropa(cause you're having these talks) but for anyone who knows or has children. Teach children what to do if that great relative, friend or neighbor tries to touch them - not just the strangers in the world. Role play and teach them what to say and do. When it happened to me I froze for a second, but if my mother had prepared me - I would have been more confident in my decision and told on him. I only confided in my brother when I was 25. If my mom(I don't blame her) would have warned me about 'familiar SA' I wouldn't have been so shocked and told on him the next day, instead of being so flustered.