[redredblueblue22]

i baby sit a 9 year old girl shes very macher for her age but im concerned She Had mentioned something to me That I dont think a 9 yearold should now about sex and it went in to a huge conversation But Im not sure if its normal for a nine year old to now that much about Sex And Males I have had to deal with one issue that she said that got me conserned that she was being abused but she says she Just want to be cool but even for that Im not sure i belive her because what she said was very discustion and iv never hurd a 9 year old say stuff like what she said my question is how much should a 9 year old now about males and sex

[salukigirl]

I'm not really sure I got everything in your post straight but I'll try..... Personally I think the earlier they learn about sex the more educated they are and the more prepared they are. My school taught abstinence only education and it was known that those classes were beating around the bush and not straight forward which is dumb to do with kids who are getting close to sexual maturity (if they're not already there).

Did she go into detail with the being abused story? I have noticed that girls around middle school age will do almost anything for attention. My niece even made up a story about something along those lines to her friends and then told my sister (her mom) that it wasn't true - she just wanted to have one of 'those stories'. Which seems kind of sick to me, but some girls may feel that thats the only way to get someone's attention.

I wouldn't blow that off as nothing though. I would definitely talk to someone about it. Because what happens if you don't believe her and it turns out to be true? It's kind of hard to tell what you mean by her knowing "too much" about sex? And, I'm sorry if this sounds rude, but I can hardly understand your post with how you were typing. Hope I got the jist of it.

[redredblueblue22]

i will tell you her exact words but it is kind of hard to type because it is very disturbin She said " when pat (her moms BF) cums on me he likes to lick it off" I dont no but for a 9 year old girl to say that i think something might be wrong

[GrayNess]

There may be an issue of just how much of what is said is fabricated or exaggerations. I wouldn't wave everything she says off as being incorrect but certainly for events she describes that sound very unusual, such as how her mother's boyfriend likes to lick his bodily fluids off her after ejaculating onto her. That certainly can be a possible scenario but I would have her give more information about it and as she gives information, if it seems to go straight into left field or if she seems to be lying or making up information as she goes along, then I'd wonder how much of what she said may be truthful. Ideally though, try to compare her story to the insight someone else gives, such as her mother or the mother's boyfriend. I wouldn't tell them what the daughter's exacts words were as that can land you and her into a big ugly situation so just have them provide you with some information.

Kids do know and discuss more about sex at younger ages, as well as having boyfriends and girlfriends, so I would venture to say that she is obtaining information about sex from her peers and the media.

[Shangrala]

You can never really know if this is happening or not. This is not something that should be taken lightly. Nor is it something that you should even be attending to. Fabricated, or not, I'd consult her mother and let her handle this.

Shangrala

I have a nine year old little girl and if she said that to me then I would go to the police as she wouldnt/shouldnt be talking like that at her age.

[redredblueblue22]

when she told me consult my mom my mom and told her what the girl had said and she said that the same that i shpuld talk with her mom so i let the girl i babysit(not saying her name for her privice) now that it was serouce what she was saing and toldd her hi was going to have to do something about is she freaked out and told me she wanted to go home and would not stop crying till i let her go the thing is what made me not talk to her mom that night was the girl i babysit was spending the noght because her mom worked early in the morning but when the mom had to come out at 10 pm at night just down the road to get her she grounded her for a month for wantting to go home . even though her daughter was upset didnot even ask why she was ether

so i just did not no if i should talk to her and im kind of glad i didnt because after a little why i told wich was a couple weeks ago i told a teacher at school And the called childrens aid the childrens aid went to the childs school and talked to her thats when she said she made it up her mother got called and was really mad the girl i baby sit got grounded for lieing And now im not aloud to talk to the girl because the mom is mad that the childrend aid is investigating and looking throgh her house

the mom todld me i could not see her and that she does not have time for this in her life because she has three jobs

i miss that kid so much I was watching her almost 24/7 I would dsome time have her for weeks day and night walk her to school and now what if shes alone

mow awounder if i did the right thing thats why im asking the question of how much she should no about wondering if she was lieing about what he did and she just nows that much about stuff or if she was saying the truth and lieing about lieing

Well, redred, you were concerned for the child's well-being. I commend you.

[AShadow721]

There's no way a 9 year-old would say something like that if she wasn't abused. She probably said she was lying, because of her mother or she is afraid of her mother's boyfriend. You definitely did the right thing. I'm so mad at mother's that would not do more to protect their children. I would think if my child at that age would say something like that, I would BEG the police to investigate it and leave that nasty monster of a boyfriend. One day the truth will come and the mother will feel like an idiot and the girl will be mad at her mother for all that.

Maybe you should try to call the police yourself to make sure they're still investigating and don't let it get dropped for any reason. I can understand the way you care about that girl. I've babysat children I care that so much about too. I called the police on my aunt, uncle, and cousin because they were abusing my second cousin. I still question if I did the right thing, because a few people got angry and I'll probably never see my second cousin again. But the main thing is, I tried to help my second cousin. Hopefully, one day he'll have a voice and be able to tell the world about their cruelity and thank me. This is my thread about it: http://forums.psychcentral.com/showthread.php?t=130188

You did the right thing, don't let anyone tell you otherwise. I hope the police can protect that little girl, since her mother obviously does not. =( I'm glad you took that step to keep her safe. You should call the police and asked them to come to your house, so you can file a report about what she said to you. Anything like that will help her. Keeping having such a big heart. =)

[ItWasntMe]

I see this is an old thread, but, I wanted to give my opinion here after reading everyone's posts.

By the way, this is my first day here, so please go easy on me if I make a mistake.

I'm a 31 female, but I can remember being 9. I also have a daughter that is nine, almost 10. I am a stay-at-home mom also, unlike the mother involved in this thread who works 3 jobs!

At nine years old, I, myself, had experience with some intimate relations and nudity. However, at that age, I had NO idea was come was, nor did I know anything about ejaculation.

My daughter is 9 and we have already had the "sex talk" with her to an extent. I still don't think she knows the word "come" or understand ejaculation at all. She certainly would never dream up or fantasize a man licking it up either.

Having been molested as a child (not raped), I can tell you that there are sexually excitable things for even young children. That is to say, that once I was old enough to be sexually turned on, I was not as opposed to molestation. Sometimes I enjoyed it and felt very wanted and didn't understand why it was even wrong or bad at the time. At the same, the things I did enjoy, with the people I did enjoy them with, I kept a secret because I liked it and didn't want it to stop. I wouldn't have told unless I wanted it to stop, unless she sounded proud, maybe she does like and was bragging to you or trying to entice you. It is very possible.

On the other hand, she could be lying, because if she does "want to be cool" about it, then she wouldn't be telling someone who cares about her and would make it stop if it were true. Mom's never around working those 3 jobs, maybe daughter has been on the computer/internet or watch a porno or read a porno and seen or read about these things. Either way, there is a lack of supervision and proper care for this child.

I would press-on the issue. No child should be exposed to that kind of behavior, either directly by the boyfriend or step-dad, or by having materials available with that kind of imagery or detail.

There is definitely something wrong with that picture. No sex education should have a 9 year old girl learning about stuff like that. Her mother needs to step back and evaluate where her daughter seen this or if it really is happening. She may have older friends spouting this stuff to her or in front of her, but even an older child aware of these types of sexual things should know better than to discuss them around or with a 9 year old little girl. I certainly would have had the sense not to say such to someone even a few years younger than or my age as a young teen.

I think I was 12 when I first learned about ejaculation and heard the term come, and even then someone wanting to lick their own fluids was not something I had heard of. Even then, I was disgusted by it and I hadn't had sex and I surely wouldn't have wanted to get any of it on me and I would probably puke if someone did that and then licked up too!

I would be interested in an update on this. That little girl needs assistance.

[amandalouise]

Originally Posted by redredblueblue22

i will tell you her exact words but it is kind of hard to type because it is very disturbin She said " when pat (her moms BF) cums on me he likes to lick it off" I dont no but for a 9 year old girl to say that i think something might be wrong

you are the babysitter not the parent right? first I would not be pushing the child for more information. 9 year olds know more about sex today then when we were kids. its so much more accessible than it was years ago. she might have just happened onto a porn website and saw a couple doing just that, she may be a child who is being sexually abused or she may be a child who happened to walk into the parents bedroom while the parents were getting busy. if she is a child who is being sexually abused you questioning her about it, could taint any possiblity for prosecution or investigation by child protective services.

if this was me I would go to the mother and let the mother know what the child said and find out if the child accidentally walked in on the parents or happened on to a porn website.

if this is is the USA anyone that works (teachers, doctors, daycare, babysitters )with children are considered mandated reporters so I would also be contacting child protective services too. I would be letting them know how the conversation came up and what the child said, letting them know I am not sure if theres abuse going on or not but I would rather report it and find out shes ok than to not report it and find out there was abuse going on.

then I would just leave the rest up to the mother and the professionals at child protective services. working at the crisis center I cannot count how many cases of sex abuse we had to let the perp off because it was a non professional person that continued to question or talk to the child about things, which lead to the child recanting, fabricating more than what was and the defense claimed it was the non professional questioning and talking to the child on sexual topics that created the problem where there was none. one perp even turned around and accused the babysitter of being the one that sexually abused the child after the health exam showed the child had been sexually abused.

I would err on the side of caution and not bother the child about it anymore. you are the babysitter not the mom and not CPS. take it to the mom and CPS and let them take it from here.