Need To Share.

Thanks Pachy and I agree. When the principle 1st talked to the girls - the other girl said sorry and the principle asked, if they had anything to say. So my daughter said I just want to make sure this doesn't happen again. When the principle called to tell me this -I considered this solved.

It's not like I was accusing the child of being evil or malicious. It happens with kids sometimes, whether by accident or for other reasons. I was more upset by what happened after the incident.

Lynn,
This concerns me greatly that the girl is showing this behavore, When I was little I showed vilont behavore mimicing my father, and I know a friend who had the same problem and even another who had the same sextully actions. All of these thigs I did and my friends where little, in general we where all goo kids and where very sucessfull. But a lot of the things where not what normal children do. Now I wish someone would have confronted the school. Called the school and told them of my baharvore "problems" then maybe they would have found out about my home life. I am glad you told the school because I think personally that there is something going on in the home. I think you should submit your suspitions with the school but know and let the school know you could easly be wrong. also do not let your child know that you dislike the parents because just beause there is something going on doesnt mean that there is something wrong with the gril or tha tshe is just having a hard time. I hope it gets better for you!

I wish you well,
~Jenny

((Lillyleaf)) - thank you for your post. It makes me feel along with all the other posts, that I did the correct thing. Thank you also for your honesty in saying you also did inappropriate things due to your own abuse - I'm so sorry you suffered. I'm not going to discuss this further with the principle since she knows this happened. I really don't know if this was a simple slip of the hand or whether it's a sign as you mentioned - I pray it's not. This is why I refused to be quiet - if more people talked about these things, there wouldn't be all this secrecy.

The scary thing is, her father is a doctor and the way he was so extremely hateful and defensive to me, makes me wonder if he's not mad I revealed a secret. I always got this phoney impression of them both, but he looked down right evil the day I went to their house.

They also have a boy in grade one who has something seriously wrong - his behavior is violent and unpredictable. His eyes constantly shake. When he was 2-3 yrs. old they used to attend the girls soccer games. He was always trying to run on the field, so his mother in a somewhat playing fashion - would grab him and hang him upside down. This would happen sometimes 10 times. I really believe this caused some kind of brain damage or inner ear imbalance.

Before this happened we were all standing in the field and the oldest had a misplaced bone in her foot with a plastic boot cast. The boy took his heel and stomped on her foot twice, then spit directly in her face. I think I'm getting off topic here.

I still resent the way they tried to shame me and say I over reacted. I have every right to acknowledge my child was inappropriately touched.

(((Lynn))) I'm so sorry that you all had to go through this.

The world is a complicated place these days. In my day this behavior would have been called playing doctor. These days we worry whether or not the girl has been sexually abused.

I think you did absolutely the right thing contacting the school. As parents I think we are too close to the situation to make an objective judgement. The school could also be privy to information you do not have and this could have been information they needed to convince them that something needed to be done. In any event they are the professionals and this happened on school property.

As to the invitation to the party, other than the obvious, they may have been trying to avoid an awkward situation. Assuming the best case senerio (girl discovered that touching herself felt good and has yet to learn boundaries) inviting her to a party could have been viewed as them dismissing it entirely. More likely they would rather pretend that this whole thing never happened; you and your family are a reminder of something that embarrassed them and they are reacting in a very human fashion, lashing out.

We do very stupid things as humans, it is so much easier to see the fault in others and ignore our own. I feel sorry for them. Instead of taking a very common and natural experience, using it to teach their daughter boundaries, and moving on. They've decided to take the path of least resistance and taught their daughter a very different lesson.

I think you should put in your report your thought to socail serveices... know that a lot of the time schools stink at helping out kids sometimes.... I know that sometimes I wish that someone would have just found out and taken me away. There are many times I know I showed signs of abuse but still nothing ever happened to me.

When this 1st happened I just wanted to inform the school so the principle could sort this out with the girls. I didn't want to assume this was the worst case scenario - I even thought it may have been an accident. I know that some kids engage in the quote 'doctor playing'. I considered it solved. I could even tolerate the excluding form the birthday party - I agree it was awkward and we would have declined.

What made it worse was the girl telling my child that I'm a liar. At that point when I went to their house, I basically knew it wouldn't be pretty - I was upset. I think the lesson in all this for me - we the parents should have been satisfied with this being solved by the school. This situation was a mole hill made into a mountain. Even if she was intentionally doing this - I wasn't out for blood or to hold a grudge. I wish it never happened.

Lynn,
I was wondering if you thought about calling CPS (or whatever it is in your state) to report the behavior of the girl. I know that schools are supposed to report suspected abuse, but they often do not. You can report it anonymously and let CPS decide if it is something that they should follow up on. It just makes me think that this girl is experiencing something bad at home and was acting out. Please think about it.

I think you did a great job dealing with the situation.

I truly am sorry for what you've gone through. I so agree with you that this has been blown out of proportion. But the silver lining is the wealth of lessons your daughter can learn from this single incident. What an excellent conversation starter to teach her boundaries, inappropriate touching, human nature, how to conduct yourself under duress, choices and decision making, feeling left out and as someone else has mentioned peer pressure (do I want to do this or just fit in) so many things! We're talkers in this house, we talk things to death here and we'd be discussing all aspects of this situation for months to come.

I honestly believe that the hope for humanity is our children. I would LOVE to be able to raise my children in a world where they don't see, hear, or experience things before they are ready. This disfunctional family has given you the opportunity to discuss this all and your daughter will relate because this is her life experience. While this is disturbing, comparitively it is rather minor.

Don't get me wrong, I'd like to take this woman and shake her and say "Look what you're teaching your daughter!!!!"

Yes I agree AAAAA. I've many times discussed inappropriate touching with my girls and prepared them to take action if anyone tries. I'm proud my daughter told me and I'm proud of her reaction - she told me she pushed her hand away and loudly said "stop".

As many real life abuse victims can attest to - they experience this moment where they freeze and feel confused...they don't know what to do. Now I'm not saying my daughter was abused, but she was in an uncomfortable situation, where she could have ended up confused, if it wasn't for me preparing her from all the conversations we've had. She was in control of her body.

If I told her 'oh don't worry about it' - this would send the message of 'why bother telling at all'.

I agree I never dreamed it would end up being such a big deal. This is when the self doubt comes in. I've thought about calling CPS - even if I do it anonymously, the family would know it's from me...we're already in a battle and this would start an all out war for sure. At this point I don't want anything to do with them.

What a mess. I'm so sorry that this has gotten so out of hand.

Lynn you are an amazing mom and it sounds like your neighbors are embarrased beyond belief (he is a Dr. so there's a certain social status and an expectation of behavior that goes with that) so they are lashing out against you. They are trying to save face and I'm sure will be talking about this to others to get their 'true story' out. If they weren't lashing out at you they would be forced to 'deal' with the situation.

That is great that you contacted the school. This will show a record and if there are any other problems with other children and touching down the road it's documented. Of coure they didin't want you to contact the school because then they couldn't sweep it under the rug. Even if you dealt with them directly... based on their current behaviour it sounds like they probably wouldn't handle it well.

As for the friendship your daughter had with their daughter they did you a favor by severing the relationship. I was SA as a child and if anything like what happend to your daughter happend to my child I would sever all contact (sounds harsh perhaps?). I surely wouldn't want to let my child do any sleep overs nevermind being friends. Forwarned is being forarmed. Many hugs to you for sticking up for your daughter and doing so with dignity. I hope this too shall pass quickly for you and your family. Your daughter will have a memory of a mother with dignity and wanted to love and protect her. You rock Lynn!

Thank you very much ((geez)) for all your encouragement.

Lynn, I think that in the big picture you handled this in the best and most mature way you could. I can't say that I know exactly why the parents reacted as they did. i can guess, and the possibilities range from AAAA*S to the worst case scenario. I think that right now it is very hard to tell exactly what is going on.

I know that I had to talk to a woman I know about her son touching iappropratiely one time at a party at my house. We were able to handle it well, but i wondered where he had gotten it from. It turned out later that he had an undiagnosed ADHD, and one of the things we now look for with both ADHD and bipolar kids is so-called Precocious sexual behavior. Even if things are going OK at home or school, these kids pick societal and media signals and act on the impulses they catch from those because they can't screen them out. This can be very bad, because the first suspicion is always going to be turned on the family (naturally and usually correctly) or an external abuser (again naturally and usually correctly). You can imagine the affect this has on the family, even if the parents are innocent. The defensiveness must get absolutely pathological in its own right.
Personally, they were out of line on quite a few points, but let the school deal with it, stay distant and if youhave to deal with them, civil. I think you are doing great. Huggs!

Today is a horrible day so far. My kids wait for the bus at the end of our driveway. Sometimes the mother drives her kids to school and goes by our house. The mother gave my girls the middle finger today. It's freezing cold and she rolled down her window and stuck the finger. I'm in shock.

The girl and her siblings have also bothered my youngest several times since the incident. Yesterday the girl put her face close to my daughters and pretended to kiss her. My daughter used a strong voice and said "get away from me". I'm so mad ATM that a grown woman could lower herself like this. If I don't like another child, I would never do this.

Lots of pathology in the world. Maybe the only thing to do is to try to keep away from it, and manage your own life as best as possible. It is hard for me to believe that these people will not run a-cropper sooner or later.

If you was BPD I would advise you to not take meds for a few days then go see her ...

Sounds like a visit to the police could be called for as in the UK she would be done for threatening behavour to a minor.

I'm not familiar with this term Pachy - what does it mean? My youngest does her best to avoid talking or sitting next to her. It was reading time where they sit on a carpet and the girl sat next to my daughter. I told her to move next time.

LOL that's funny Tishie. My husband knows several police officers and I'll have him ask them it anything could be done. I'm just stunned an adult would do this to children.

Come a cropper, informal: fall heavily • suffer a defeat or disaster

Lynn-
Could you ask for your daughter's class to be changed? I know that would be a big adjustment, but it would get her away from this girl. I'm so sorry this is happening. I can't believe that this mother is so immature.