Need To Share.

When this 1st happened I just wanted to inform the school so the principle could sort this out with the girls. I didn't want to assume this was the worst case scenario - I even thought it may have been an accident. I know that some kids engage in the quote 'doctor playing'. I considered it solved. I could even tolerate the excluding form the birthday party - I agree it was awkward and we would have declined.

What made it worse was the girl telling my child that I'm a liar. At that point when I went to their house, I basically knew it wouldn't be pretty - I was upset. I think the lesson in all this for me - we the parents should have been satisfied with this being solved by the school. This situation was a mole hill made into a mountain. Even if she was intentionally doing this - I wasn't out for blood or to hold a grudge. I wish it never happened.

Lynn,
I was wondering if you thought about calling CPS (or whatever it is in your state) to report the behavior of the girl. I know that schools are supposed to report suspected abuse, but they often do not. You can report it anonymously and let CPS decide if it is something that they should follow up on. It just makes me think that this girl is experiencing something bad at home and was acting out. Please think about it.

I think you did a great job dealing with the situation.

I truly am sorry for what you've gone through. I so agree with you that this has been blown out of proportion. But the silver lining is the wealth of lessons your daughter can learn from this single incident. What an excellent conversation starter to teach her boundaries, inappropriate touching, human nature, how to conduct yourself under duress, choices and decision making, feeling left out and as someone else has mentioned peer pressure (do I want to do this or just fit in) so many things! We're talkers in this house, we talk things to death here and we'd be discussing all aspects of this situation for months to come.

I honestly believe that the hope for humanity is our children. I would LOVE to be able to raise my children in a world where they don't see, hear, or experience things before they are ready. This disfunctional family has given you the opportunity to discuss this all and your daughter will relate because this is her life experience. While this is disturbing, comparitively it is rather minor.

Don't get me wrong, I'd like to take this woman and shake her and say "Look what you're teaching your daughter!!!!"

Yes I agree AAAAA. I've many times discussed inappropriate touching with my girls and prepared them to take action if anyone tries. I'm proud my daughter told me and I'm proud of her reaction - she told me she pushed her hand away and loudly said "stop".

As many real life abuse victims can attest to - they experience this moment where they freeze and feel confused...they don't know what to do. Now I'm not saying my daughter was abused, but she was in an uncomfortable situation, where she could have ended up confused, if it wasn't for me preparing her from all the conversations we've had. She was in control of her body.

If I told her 'oh don't worry about it' - this would send the message of 'why bother telling at all'.

I agree I never dreamed it would end up being such a big deal. This is when the self doubt comes in. I've thought about calling CPS - even if I do it anonymously, the family would know it's from me...we're already in a battle and this would start an all out war for sure. At this point I don't want anything to do with them.

What a mess. I'm so sorry that this has gotten so out of hand.

Lynn you are an amazing mom and it sounds like your neighbors are embarrased beyond belief (he is a Dr. so there's a certain social status and an expectation of behavior that goes with that) so they are lashing out against you. They are trying to save face and I'm sure will be talking about this to others to get their 'true story' out. If they weren't lashing out at you they would be forced to 'deal' with the situation.

That is great that you contacted the school. This will show a record and if there are any other problems with other children and touching down the road it's documented. Of coure they didin't want you to contact the school because then they couldn't sweep it under the rug. Even if you dealt with them directly... based on their current behaviour it sounds like they probably wouldn't handle it well.

As for the friendship your daughter had with their daughter they did you a favor by severing the relationship. I was SA as a child and if anything like what happend to your daughter happend to my child I would sever all contact (sounds harsh perhaps?). I surely wouldn't want to let my child do any sleep overs nevermind being friends. Forwarned is being forarmed. Many hugs to you for sticking up for your daughter and doing so with dignity. I hope this too shall pass quickly for you and your family. Your daughter will have a memory of a mother with dignity and wanted to love and protect her. You rock Lynn!

Thank you very much ((geez)) for all your encouragement.

Lynn, I think that in the big picture you handled this in the best and most mature way you could. I can't say that I know exactly why the parents reacted as they did. i can guess, and the possibilities range from AAAA*S to the worst case scenario. I think that right now it is very hard to tell exactly what is going on.

I know that I had to talk to a woman I know about her son touching iappropratiely one time at a party at my house. We were able to handle it well, but i wondered where he had gotten it from. It turned out later that he had an undiagnosed ADHD, and one of the things we now look for with both ADHD and bipolar kids is so-called Precocious sexual behavior. Even if things are going OK at home or school, these kids pick societal and media signals and act on the impulses they catch from those because they can't screen them out. This can be very bad, because the first suspicion is always going to be turned on the family (naturally and usually correctly) or an external abuser (again naturally and usually correctly). You can imagine the affect this has on the family, even if the parents are innocent. The defensiveness must get absolutely pathological in its own right.
Personally, they were out of line on quite a few points, but let the school deal with it, stay distant and if youhave to deal with them, civil. I think you are doing great. Huggs!

Today is a horrible day so far. My kids wait for the bus at the end of our driveway. Sometimes the mother drives her kids to school and goes by our house. The mother gave my girls the middle finger today. It's freezing cold and she rolled down her window and stuck the finger. I'm in shock.

The girl and her siblings have also bothered my youngest several times since the incident. Yesterday the girl put her face close to my daughters and pretended to kiss her. My daughter used a strong voice and said "get away from me". I'm so mad ATM that a grown woman could lower herself like this. If I don't like another child, I would never do this.

Lots of pathology in the world. Maybe the only thing to do is to try to keep away from it, and manage your own life as best as possible. It is hard for me to believe that these people will not run a-cropper sooner or later.

If you was BPD I would advise you to not take meds for a few days then go see her ...

Sounds like a visit to the police could be called for as in the UK she would be done for threatening behavour to a minor.

I'm not familiar with this term Pachy - what does it mean? My youngest does her best to avoid talking or sitting next to her. It was reading time where they sit on a carpet and the girl sat next to my daughter. I told her to move next time.

LOL that's funny Tishie. My husband knows several police officers and I'll have him ask them it anything could be done. I'm just stunned an adult would do this to children.

Come a cropper, informal: fall heavily • suffer a defeat or disaster

Lynn-
Could you ask for your daughter's class to be changed? I know that would be a big adjustment, but it would get her away from this girl. I'm so sorry this is happening. I can't believe that this mother is so immature.

That a good thought googley but I don't want my daughter to feel she has to change when it's the other girl causing the problem. She likes her class and has lots of friends. One of the accusations the mother had was - she said my daughters friends would say "you can't play" so now she has to tolerate her playing even if she doesn't want to.

I did specify for the next year and the following years for them to be in separate classes. I think the girl is very jealous of my daughter because she has said several times "I think I look like you".

An update - unfortunately the situation is still going on. The girl has siblings in grade 5(girl) and grade 1 (boy who has behavioral prob). So they with another grade 5 girl deliberately follow my daughter at recess. I informed the principle of this and we'll see how things go today. This is stressing me out.

I'm sorry this situation is still causing problems. I'm glad you are taking it up with the principal.

Thanks Googley. In the morning both my daughters go on the same bus and not together on the afternoon bus. My oldest is at a different school since grade 7. On Friday my oldest decided to talk to the oldest sibling - she told her "since you're interfering and bothering my sister, you give me no choice but to stick up for my sister". She said "make sure you, your siblings and your friends don't bother my sister ever again or else you and I will be having another talk".

When my youngest came home, I asked her how her day went and she said they totally didn't bother her. Maybe it was because of my oldest or the principal or both IDK but I hope it stays this way. Form the beginning we were willing to drop everything and interact normally, but they carried it on. I hope it remains this way - fingers crossed.

fingers crossed for you all too.so sorry you've had to deal with all this and your children. speaking to the principal puts the onus on him. i hope he supports the situation and takes the appropriate measures.

Half asleep here and I have to go very soon, so I wasn't able to read long enough to take notice of wether someone proposed this yet or not.But if the girl repetedly shows sexual behaveyor that way, don't you think it's possible that she's copying it from home?
Either having her father/uncle/mother or someone lead up to harassing her or another person that way?

Seeing the young age, she may not even realise that what she's doing is wrong.Children often copy the behaveyor of their parents, and I know more then a few little girls that would do anything just for a person to say they're as pretty or smart as mommy is.

I really hope this isn't the case, but I'm not going to claim it's not possible.

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In either case, I would write more but I'm out of time.Cheers, and hope everything goes well.Best of luck.

well, im not a parent and probully never will be one, but it seems kind of obiviouse that this girl learned it from somewhere. it's not a pure indication that she was molested but it may be possible, sense this is not the only time this little kid has done something like this. mabey she didnt leatn it from her parents, she could have possibly learned it from an older kid, does she have any cousins or any other adults besides her parents that come over to her house? i think you should take this into consideration. im sorry about your daughter, a similar thing happend to my sister in the third grade. some other kid(a girl) was trying to touch her crotch. i know, sick.

Sick indeed, but if a child things it's alright, it will do it.
I would advise sitting down with the parent and talking things through.If the mother was so helpful it could have been the father doing it behinde her back.But as Noirkitten said, it's possible that she didn't learn it from a parent at all. It could be a siblings, cousin, any older relative, some other child or what not.If the girl things this is alright, something is obviously not well with the way people acter towards or around her.

I completely agree and this is why I took the step to tell the principle. She called the mother and I hoped that she would think to herself and ask the right questions - "like why did you do this, has this ever happened to you etc". When the mom came to my house I didn't want to emphasize this was malicious because it's possible it may have been innocent.

Then things turned sour and we had the big blow up and I realized they were twisting it around and blaming us for over reacting. I wasn't about to sweep it under the carpet because this would teach my daughter, that something like this 'isn't important' and we need to be quiet because we're afraid to ruffle feathers.

I wanted the principal to call the mom, just in case there is something going on at home. Her father is a doctor. One day in class, the kids were talking about misbehaving siblings and this girl said her older sister was throwing a tantrum about going to piano lessons and she said the dad spanks her on the butt. Her brother who's 6 has some serious behavior problems. Once at a track and field event the oldest girl had a plastic foot boot(she had a broken bone) and the boy stomped on her foot with his heel twice. A short time later, he spit directly in the girls face when I was talking to her mom - this is when things were peaceful.

When we had the last confrontation, the father looked furious and I got the sense, he felt like I ruined his peaceful family life. I suspect you could be right but I can't do anything about it. Things are still going well - all concerned are behaving well and leaving each other alone.

Their leaving each other alone in public, but what about privately? He sounds like the type with a rash temper, and I'm not going to say ''yes he beats on his kids'' or similar, but there's a possibility he's the cause of the girls behaveyor as well as the sons.Kids copy what they see and learn at home.

It may be better not to meddle in, though he might be causing harm to both.Then again, I'm merly guessing, I can't tell you what to do.I would advise though, if this continues happening (or similar events do) that you notify the police or the social services just in case.The father doesn't have to know you're the one to do it.No one does.