Need To Share.

That a good thought googley but I don't want my daughter to feel she has to change when it's the other girl causing the problem. She likes her class and has lots of friends. One of the accusations the mother had was - she said my daughters friends would say "you can't play" so now she has to tolerate her playing even if she doesn't want to.

I did specify for the next year and the following years for them to be in separate classes. I think the girl is very jealous of my daughter because she has said several times "I think I look like you".

An update - unfortunately the situation is still going on. The girl has siblings in grade 5(girl) and grade 1 (boy who has behavioral prob). So they with another grade 5 girl deliberately follow my daughter at recess. I informed the principle of this and we'll see how things go today. This is stressing me out.

I'm sorry this situation is still causing problems. I'm glad you are taking it up with the principal.

Thanks Googley. In the morning both my daughters go on the same bus and not together on the afternoon bus. My oldest is at a different school since grade 7. On Friday my oldest decided to talk to the oldest sibling - she told her "since you're interfering and bothering my sister, you give me no choice but to stick up for my sister". She said "make sure you, your siblings and your friends don't bother my sister ever again or else you and I will be having another talk".

When my youngest came home, I asked her how her day went and she said they totally didn't bother her. Maybe it was because of my oldest or the principal or both IDK but I hope it stays this way. Form the beginning we were willing to drop everything and interact normally, but they carried it on. I hope it remains this way - fingers crossed.

fingers crossed for you all too.so sorry you've had to deal with all this and your children. speaking to the principal puts the onus on him. i hope he supports the situation and takes the appropriate measures.

Half asleep here and I have to go very soon, so I wasn't able to read long enough to take notice of wether someone proposed this yet or not.But if the girl repetedly shows sexual behaveyor that way, don't you think it's possible that she's copying it from home?
Either having her father/uncle/mother or someone lead up to harassing her or another person that way?

Seeing the young age, she may not even realise that what she's doing is wrong.Children often copy the behaveyor of their parents, and I know more then a few little girls that would do anything just for a person to say they're as pretty or smart as mommy is.

I really hope this isn't the case, but I'm not going to claim it's not possible.

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In either case, I would write more but I'm out of time.Cheers, and hope everything goes well.Best of luck.

well, im not a parent and probully never will be one, but it seems kind of obiviouse that this girl learned it from somewhere. it's not a pure indication that she was molested but it may be possible, sense this is not the only time this little kid has done something like this. mabey she didnt leatn it from her parents, she could have possibly learned it from an older kid, does she have any cousins or any other adults besides her parents that come over to her house? i think you should take this into consideration. im sorry about your daughter, a similar thing happend to my sister in the third grade. some other kid(a girl) was trying to touch her crotch. i know, sick.

Sick indeed, but if a child things it's alright, it will do it.
I would advise sitting down with the parent and talking things through.If the mother was so helpful it could have been the father doing it behinde her back.But as Noirkitten said, it's possible that she didn't learn it from a parent at all. It could be a siblings, cousin, any older relative, some other child or what not.If the girl things this is alright, something is obviously not well with the way people acter towards or around her.

I completely agree and this is why I took the step to tell the principle. She called the mother and I hoped that she would think to herself and ask the right questions - "like why did you do this, has this ever happened to you etc". When the mom came to my house I didn't want to emphasize this was malicious because it's possible it may have been innocent.

Then things turned sour and we had the big blow up and I realized they were twisting it around and blaming us for over reacting. I wasn't about to sweep it under the carpet because this would teach my daughter, that something like this 'isn't important' and we need to be quiet because we're afraid to ruffle feathers.

I wanted the principal to call the mom, just in case there is something going on at home. Her father is a doctor. One day in class, the kids were talking about misbehaving siblings and this girl said her older sister was throwing a tantrum about going to piano lessons and she said the dad spanks her on the butt. Her brother who's 6 has some serious behavior problems. Once at a track and field event the oldest girl had a plastic foot boot(she had a broken bone) and the boy stomped on her foot with his heel twice. A short time later, he spit directly in the girls face when I was talking to her mom - this is when things were peaceful.

When we had the last confrontation, the father looked furious and I got the sense, he felt like I ruined his peaceful family life. I suspect you could be right but I can't do anything about it. Things are still going well - all concerned are behaving well and leaving each other alone.

Their leaving each other alone in public, but what about privately? He sounds like the type with a rash temper, and I'm not going to say ''yes he beats on his kids'' or similar, but there's a possibility he's the cause of the girls behaveyor as well as the sons.Kids copy what they see and learn at home.

It may be better not to meddle in, though he might be causing harm to both.Then again, I'm merly guessing, I can't tell you what to do.I would advise though, if this continues happening (or similar events do) that you notify the police or the social services just in case.The father doesn't have to know you're the one to do it.No one does.

show your child by experience how to handle this as an adult, they are watching every move you make right now taking mental note of how you are handling this as an adult and even if you dont know it yet they are learning how to respond by your actions.

your missing the point in all of this, its no longer just about the child or childrens reactions to each other in that cutthroat world we has adults call school, its mom and mom bickering as well making it worse.

there never going to get the opportunity to work this out between themselves because of each others parental prejudicial view, not there own.

You make some very valid points. I agree it's not good for the parents to get personally involved with each other. That's why I initially involved the principal. The girls mom is the one who came to my door and I reassured her repeatedly that we could forget this and the girls can resume being respectful to each other. But the girl starting saying to my daughter, that I'm a liar and her other siblings kept following her at recess.

Her mother is the one being uncivilized and stooping low to give my oldest the middle finger at the bus stop. Then on Wednesday my 9 yr old got off the afternoon bus, walking to our house(by herself) - the lady drives by and gives her the middle finger - to a 9 yr old!!! It's got to point where she (the adult) is harassing my kids. Am I supposed to be calm and look the other way, turn the other cheek?? This is why I posted my rage in the anti-social forum. At this point I can't deal with unreasonable, aggressive people - I'm letting the police handle this now. The officer told me he'll warn her and if she continues to give obscene gestures to my children he can charge her with harassment.

I never get into arguments and try my best to solve things peacefully. Yes I'm mad, but I think I have the right to protect my kids. If you think I can do better, I'm willing to see what you would do. Yes secretly I would like to punch her in nose but I respect the law - she obviously doesn't. Never the less, I still tell my daughter to behave diplomatically to the girl in class and at recess - even play peacefully in a group. I'm willing to let it all go and the kids can deal with each other nicely - the mom is the one who being unreasonable.

I don't think I'm missing the point at all - I know very well it stinks for the parents to be fighting.

I'm glad she's a ways down the street instead of right next door; I remember when our across the street neighbors shot the back window out of our RV when we left to go out to dinner one evening; our lovely next door neighbors heard/saw what happened and went with the police to the neighbor's to talk with him (we couldn't find any of the pellets in the RV from the pellet gun used) and I remember how vulnerable and upset I felt for a long time, worried what they might "do" next (shoot my cat?).

They were angry at our insurance company taking longer than they wanted about paying for some slight damage to a vehicle of theirs that was an accident (we weren't even allowed to know the details, it was between them and our insurance company so we didn't know this was happening). From then on their "guests" deliberately would back all the way across the wide, two-lane, main street and up onto our curb wrecking the grass, etc. and one even backed over the mailbox and knocked it over and drove off, etc.

Do you have some good friends/neighbors you can talk with who would understand? I found out the across the street neighbors had moved from further down the street and the children of my good, elderly neighbors had gone to school with them and had other "stories" to confirm it was "them" and not "me" with the problem; an in-person reality check that felt good/comforting. I'm not saying besmirch or gossip about them but just mention you have had problems with them, maybe, not anything else, see if there isn't some sort of consensus that other people may have seen the finger being given to your daughter, etc.

Hi Lynn P.,

What a tough situation. But it sounds like you are really handling it in the best and most natural way you can. I think notifying the police was wise. I understand your wanting to deescalate the situation too. If these parents can't even act as adults out of the house, imagine the kind of parenting going on at home with their children. Oy.
I'm trying to imagine in my own mind what a more honest response might have looked like way back when. I guess I can see the mom being justified in saying "I sort of wish you would have called me first," but the next thing should have been to... I don't know maybe sit the girls down together with you both and talk about correct and incorrect touching? In essence, a LOT more understanding. It is the utter defensiveness of both wife and husband that sends out loud alarms to me. It sounds (to me) like there is clearly some abuse going on at home (emotional if not physical). Why else would this little girl even bring it up (to your daughter) to call you a liar? She has to be hearing that somewhere. Ugh. It is that tricky line though as to... what can you do? In a way it is not your problem. Maybe you could just keep your eye on that other little girl and boy from afar whenever you pick up your daughter from school? It does sound like those two kids are really bearing the brunt of some irresponsible parenting - if not worse. Sheesh. To think that guy is a doctor.
Sending supportive thoughts your way.

Elana

Thanks Perna. My daughter has Facebook and she's friendly with a girl in the older daughters(family we're fighting with) grade 5 class. We just found out today that she's trying to rally the grade 5 girls against my daughter(grade 3). The older sibling is gossiping to the other grade 5 girls, saying " we're a family of liars".

I just talked to the principal and told her I felt compelled to let the police know this mother is doing this, so there's a record. It's such a sad thing. Now I know how people in real life feel, when they tell someone they've been touched - how people don't believe them and they get backlash for telling. It all boils down to, this family is getting revenge on us for telling the school about the inappropriate touching. It's so ridiculous.

Thanks Elana for the support. When this initially happened I contemplated whether to let the principle handle it or talk the the mother, Since we're just acquaintances I opted to let the school handle it, plus if I talked in person, I wouldn't know how she would react. Plus as several mentioned here and you did to - I worried and wondered where this girl learned that tickling between the legs is appropriate?

I never dreamed this would end up growing from an ant hill to a mountain. When she 1st came to my house, I told her "lets just forget about it and think it was accidental". It never crossed my mind that this girl may have been touched inappropriately but now I'm starting to wonder. I didn't want to make a big deal out of this.

so you have done the right thing by getting the police involved. Thats responsible thinking. now let them do their job. its at this point YOU back off no matter how much it you irks to do so. the situation will either die a natural death due to the lack of your response to the other mothers baited, perceived or not, remarks or actions, that is if the police don't arrest either one of you first for breach of the peace . also i would also ease up a bit on the projection. your daughter is not you. she is her own person.

I got a call form the police and they were having trouble getting an address so the lady constable asked if my 13 yr old would show them the house - they live a half a block away. The constable asked me for the whole story and then she went down, to warn her to refrain from making obscene gestures to my kids. Since her and my daughter still play at recess with other friends I said it's fine they keep doing this - I want things to be better with the kids.

I told the officer to expect complete denial and the officer told us to keep a list of time, day etc of any future problems. I told my daughter not to say anything, even if they try to talk about this. I hope the neighbor will adhere to the warning and not seek revenge for me calling the police. I guarantee it won't be me who'll end up arrested. I don't think I'm projecting my feelings on them - if anything I teach them to be diplomatic and fair. I'm also well aware my daughters are their own person.

the one constant throughout this thread that "sets you off" is the constant referral to "inapropriate touching", can understand the rage felt associated with that, but now your speculating on what or what not may be happening in someone else's house and with someone else's child. how is that stepping back?

Well that was brought up by several others here in this thread. I mentioned earlier on that I didn't suspect it at 1st but later on thought of it but still don't know of course. It came to other posters mind and mine because child molesters often use the 'tickling game' to groom their victims. If I truly wasn't stepping back, I would have told the officer this or called childrens services. What I talk about here in the forums regarding that issue stays here at PC. I don't mention this IRL life. I wonder if you're trying to help here or accuse me of things. I'd like to believe the 1st choice.