Need To Share.

show your child by experience how to handle this as an adult, they are watching every move you make right now taking mental note of how you are handling this as an adult and even if you dont know it yet they are learning how to respond by your actions.

your missing the point in all of this, its no longer just about the child or childrens reactions to each other in that cutthroat world we has adults call school, its mom and mom bickering as well making it worse.

there never going to get the opportunity to work this out between themselves because of each others parental prejudicial view, not there own.

You make some very valid points. I agree it's not good for the parents to get personally involved with each other. That's why I initially involved the principal. The girls mom is the one who came to my door and I reassured her repeatedly that we could forget this and the girls can resume being respectful to each other. But the girl starting saying to my daughter, that I'm a liar and her other siblings kept following her at recess.

Her mother is the one being uncivilized and stooping low to give my oldest the middle finger at the bus stop. Then on Wednesday my 9 yr old got off the afternoon bus, walking to our house(by herself) - the lady drives by and gives her the middle finger - to a 9 yr old!!! It's got to point where she (the adult) is harassing my kids. Am I supposed to be calm and look the other way, turn the other cheek?? This is why I posted my rage in the anti-social forum. At this point I can't deal with unreasonable, aggressive people - I'm letting the police handle this now. The officer told me he'll warn her and if she continues to give obscene gestures to my children he can charge her with harassment.

I never get into arguments and try my best to solve things peacefully. Yes I'm mad, but I think I have the right to protect my kids. If you think I can do better, I'm willing to see what you would do. Yes secretly I would like to punch her in nose but I respect the law - she obviously doesn't. Never the less, I still tell my daughter to behave diplomatically to the girl in class and at recess - even play peacefully in a group. I'm willing to let it all go and the kids can deal with each other nicely - the mom is the one who being unreasonable.

I don't think I'm missing the point at all - I know very well it stinks for the parents to be fighting.

I'm glad she's a ways down the street instead of right next door; I remember when our across the street neighbors shot the back window out of our RV when we left to go out to dinner one evening; our lovely next door neighbors heard/saw what happened and went with the police to the neighbor's to talk with him (we couldn't find any of the pellets in the RV from the pellet gun used) and I remember how vulnerable and upset I felt for a long time, worried what they might "do" next (shoot my cat?).

They were angry at our insurance company taking longer than they wanted about paying for some slight damage to a vehicle of theirs that was an accident (we weren't even allowed to know the details, it was between them and our insurance company so we didn't know this was happening). From then on their "guests" deliberately would back all the way across the wide, two-lane, main street and up onto our curb wrecking the grass, etc. and one even backed over the mailbox and knocked it over and drove off, etc.

Do you have some good friends/neighbors you can talk with who would understand? I found out the across the street neighbors had moved from further down the street and the children of my good, elderly neighbors had gone to school with them and had other "stories" to confirm it was "them" and not "me" with the problem; an in-person reality check that felt good/comforting. I'm not saying besmirch or gossip about them but just mention you have had problems with them, maybe, not anything else, see if there isn't some sort of consensus that other people may have seen the finger being given to your daughter, etc.

Hi Lynn P.,

What a tough situation. But it sounds like you are really handling it in the best and most natural way you can. I think notifying the police was wise. I understand your wanting to deescalate the situation too. If these parents can't even act as adults out of the house, imagine the kind of parenting going on at home with their children. Oy.
I'm trying to imagine in my own mind what a more honest response might have looked like way back when. I guess I can see the mom being justified in saying "I sort of wish you would have called me first," but the next thing should have been to... I don't know maybe sit the girls down together with you both and talk about correct and incorrect touching? In essence, a LOT more understanding. It is the utter defensiveness of both wife and husband that sends out loud alarms to me. It sounds (to me) like there is clearly some abuse going on at home (emotional if not physical). Why else would this little girl even bring it up (to your daughter) to call you a liar? She has to be hearing that somewhere. Ugh. It is that tricky line though as to... what can you do? In a way it is not your problem. Maybe you could just keep your eye on that other little girl and boy from afar whenever you pick up your daughter from school? It does sound like those two kids are really bearing the brunt of some irresponsible parenting - if not worse. Sheesh. To think that guy is a doctor.
Sending supportive thoughts your way.

Elana

Thanks Perna. My daughter has Facebook and she's friendly with a girl in the older daughters(family we're fighting with) grade 5 class. We just found out today that she's trying to rally the grade 5 girls against my daughter(grade 3). The older sibling is gossiping to the other grade 5 girls, saying " we're a family of liars".

I just talked to the principal and told her I felt compelled to let the police know this mother is doing this, so there's a record. It's such a sad thing. Now I know how people in real life feel, when they tell someone they've been touched - how people don't believe them and they get backlash for telling. It all boils down to, this family is getting revenge on us for telling the school about the inappropriate touching. It's so ridiculous.

Thanks Elana for the support. When this initially happened I contemplated whether to let the principle handle it or talk the the mother, Since we're just acquaintances I opted to let the school handle it, plus if I talked in person, I wouldn't know how she would react. Plus as several mentioned here and you did to - I worried and wondered where this girl learned that tickling between the legs is appropriate?

I never dreamed this would end up growing from an ant hill to a mountain. When she 1st came to my house, I told her "lets just forget about it and think it was accidental". It never crossed my mind that this girl may have been touched inappropriately but now I'm starting to wonder. I didn't want to make a big deal out of this.

so you have done the right thing by getting the police involved. Thats responsible thinking. now let them do their job. its at this point YOU back off no matter how much it you irks to do so. the situation will either die a natural death due to the lack of your response to the other mothers baited, perceived or not, remarks or actions, that is if the police don't arrest either one of you first for breach of the peace . also i would also ease up a bit on the projection. your daughter is not you. she is her own person.

I got a call form the police and they were having trouble getting an address so the lady constable asked if my 13 yr old would show them the house - they live a half a block away. The constable asked me for the whole story and then she went down, to warn her to refrain from making obscene gestures to my kids. Since her and my daughter still play at recess with other friends I said it's fine they keep doing this - I want things to be better with the kids.

I told the officer to expect complete denial and the officer told us to keep a list of time, day etc of any future problems. I told my daughter not to say anything, even if they try to talk about this. I hope the neighbor will adhere to the warning and not seek revenge for me calling the police. I guarantee it won't be me who'll end up arrested. I don't think I'm projecting my feelings on them - if anything I teach them to be diplomatic and fair. I'm also well aware my daughters are their own person.

the one constant throughout this thread that "sets you off" is the constant referral to "inapropriate touching", can understand the rage felt associated with that, but now your speculating on what or what not may be happening in someone else's house and with someone else's child. how is that stepping back?

Well that was brought up by several others here in this thread. I mentioned earlier on that I didn't suspect it at 1st but later on thought of it but still don't know of course. It came to other posters mind and mine because child molesters often use the 'tickling game' to groom their victims. If I truly wasn't stepping back, I would have told the officer this or called childrens services. What I talk about here in the forums regarding that issue stays here at PC. I don't mention this IRL life. I wonder if you're trying to help here or accuse me of things. I'd like to believe the 1st choice.

the best way to impress a bully is to beat the carp out of them... passive resistance is not very effective on the playground... this has become a national, perhaps a global problem, with not just kids, but adults too. perhaps even demonstrated on this very webpage.... i applaud Lynn's refusal to be denigrated for having perfectly normal feelings about protecting her children, and the obligations of other parents and society in general, to support her in this~!

So that is what is inside of them!

Gus - To a degree, I agree with you - but the level of violence in today's society has gotten out of hand.

In junior high back in the late 60s, my best friend was picked on by most of the kids at school - mostly because of her thick glasses. One girl in particular was particularly cruel and kept challenging my friend to a fight - but my friend kept ignoring her.

My friend had enough one day and told her to meet her at the park after school - but the fight would be one-on-one ONLY. The entire school showed up for that fight because it was unusual back then for girls to fight. Everyone placed their bets on the cruel girl because she had such a big mouth. I asked my friend if she needed any help, just in case, and she told me to stay out of it altogether no matter what happened.

I was a nervous wreck when they faced off with each other, but it all happened so quickly. Before the dust even settled, my friend stood up - holding that girl's pierced earring in her hand with a big smile. The girl got up crying, holding her ear, and ran home as the crowd laughed at her.

No one from that school ever bothered my friend again. She and that girl stayed out of each other's space because it was too humiliating for that girl and my friend had no desire to interact any further with her. The fight didn't go any further because they BOTH had older brothers who were much bigger and stronger and didn't want to involve themselves in "kiddy drama."

If I had stepped in to help my friend, the fight would have escalated into a major brawl consisting of the original fight, personal disputes between other people, and people who just like to "get in on the action." Nothing would have been settled.

If I (or anyone else) had stepped in and fought that battle for my friend, she never would have earned the respect she received.

I'm all for a good fight now and then, but people need to know when to stop fighting and when to stop pushing. My friend's goal was not to "destroy" that girl - her goal was to make her STOP. She did, and so did my friend. If my friend would have thrown it in her face, the fight would have been ongoing. Not only would fellow students have to get involved, so would their older brothers. I'm thankful that never happened.

The two girls eventually went on to other school and other paths in life. They both learned to choose their battles wisely.

I know it's important for parents to be involved these days, but I'm not sure our/their parents could have resolved this issue. Not only were they too busy with their own lives, they were too far removed generationally to understand all the dynamics. I'm quite certain the police (or teachers) would not have been able to resolve that issue either.

I'm just rambling here....she was an awesome friend - may she rest in peace.

I would like to know why my post was removed ? It was polite and not offensive ! It even mentioned the word supportive ! I would really like to know why it was removed...

(((((Tishie))))) thank you so much for helping me.I will explain in a PM.

Thank you to everyone who has supported me here. As I explained in another thread, neither I or my husbands parents are alive, so it's a great help to share my feelings with people here at PC. As Gus reminded me of the well known saying "it takes a village to raise a child". I know I talk about my kids alot here and sometimes I wonder if I'm a little pain in the butt lol. I honestly haven't met nicer people IRL and you're all wonderful.

I hope tomorrow wil be a good day for my 9 yr old at school. Hopefully the police visiting them, will make them think it's best to drop this battle.

((Lynn)) I hope you know that everything I say to you should be taken with a grain of salt. I did not mean to sound unsupportive to you. I apologize for rambling here because I realize my childhood stories do not apply to this thread. It's too late to edit my post above, so I would appreciate it if anyone who has the power to do so would remove my post - as well as this one. Thanks.

(((Dear Miss Kathy))) - please know that I love the stories you share - I really do. I appreciate your opinions and letting us see another way of looking at bullying. You're right there are many different ways to handle bullying and some don't work for certain situations. I would never think just because you're sharing about bullying, that you're not being supportive of me.

You're one my best buddies here Kathy - you and I are always on the same page. I wrote the above post because of something that happened last night here - plus I have 2 other threads here at PC about my kids(feeling like a pest lol). I didn't write the post in response to your post. You're more than welcome to keep the above posts and I love to hear from you(stories & all) anytime KathyM.

it's true, each situation is different,,, my brother was a psychopathic genius, who could fool any adult he wanted and tormented the younger kids relentlessly,,, no one knew,, we all had been raised not to tell, to take care of it ourselves,, so much suffering, needless and unaddressed,, it never should have been allowed to go on and on and on,,, that's where i am coming from....

I'm going to go off topic for a bit:
I understand what you're saying ((Gus1234U)). My oldest is a brown belt in karate. When she moved to a different school for grade 7 and 8 - on a few different occasions, she was challenged to physical fights. Girls seem to be into physical fighting more these days. I think they were testing the waters, because there's this heirarchy with girls. Normally if the girls not strong, she would back away and cower but she didn't. Naturally she was prepared to take care of herself, but warned them 1st that she was trained in karate. As soon as she showed the girl, she was ready, the girl ran away. She also had to use her skill last week, because a boy in her class randomly tried to slap her face - she dodged it and pushed him over a desk.

I agree, sometimes it's more effective to give a swift punch to the nose. My 9 yr old who involved in this thread isn't trained and the girls older sibling is bigger unfortunately. I'm hoping she'll have a good day and all concerned will just forget about it.

Good news - there's been a significant change with the other side. Yesterday the girl in my daughters class, came to school with a card, friendship bracelet and eraser - on the card it said "lets have a 'do over' and can we be friends again' with a picture drawn on it The eraser said 'do over'. So my daughter accepted this and she had a good day - no problems with the older sibling at recess.

I think what was happening lately was - the older daughter was getting involved in this drama - carrying on the problem. I think the pricipal and the officer told the parents the oldest daughter was prolonging this.

Today my youngest is giving her a card which says - "thank you for the bracelet and yes I accept the 'do over' - we can be friends", along with a beaded key chain. I made it clear to the officer that I wanted this to end so the kids could get on with their life.

Looking back it would have been much better if the mom never came to my door - even though I was very kind to her. The next day after the incident, the principal spoke to the girls and she helped them solve this. I believe everything would have blown over at that point. So I'm very pleased it worked out this way. The last thing I wanted was, for the kids to feel uneasy around each other and not feel 100% peaceful at school.

Thank you to all that supported me and allowing me an outlet for my frustration.

Good news .... Looks like a visit to them via the Police worked wonders lol.

Yes I'm pleasantly surprised. I wasn't sure if it would make it worse or better. I wasn't about to let it continue - so it was either the police or go down myself lol. Even though I don't like the parents for what happened, I don't want my daughter to forever, be at odds with their kids. Thanks Tishie

Whats been going on ? Update would be great ....

Thanks for asking ((Tishie))) and things are still peaceful. The girls grade 5 sibling is staying away from my daughter at recess. My daughter and the girl are acting normal and interacting like classmates should.

Since they get driven in the morning and usually drive by our house, which is the morning bus stop...the mother goes around the block in front of us, to avoid driving past the bus stop. To me that's a little over kill lol - don't know if she's being silly or the officer scared her.....not going to care.

I'm still going to stick with the request for them not to be in the same class for grades 4,5 and 6 in the coming years. I just don't want to deal with their drama but they won't know I requested it. So I'm very happy the girls are peaceful. Secretly I don't like the parents but I keep it to myself.

yay!! winning the battle is Good~! winning safety for your kids is the best ~! so glad you toughed it out and went the whole 9 yards, Lynn~!!