So sad for my grandson

Thanks so much (((((((((((( dps & Tishie )))))))))))))

Grandson has had a couple of issues this week at school and the boys & girls club. Not really horrible issues, but anger none the less. He was able to regroup more quickly and he didn't try to hurt anyone physically. He did pull down some posters and punched some walls though.

One really great thing that came of this is that he finally took responsibility for his behavior!!! He said to me the other day that he himself ruined it for himself and now he cannot participate in some of the Easter fun that the club was planning. He was down on himself, but hey, it's the first time I've heard him take responsibility and I was so very proud of him. He has made some good strides since his hospitalization. This is very good and hope we see more from him.

Sabby,

That is a good sign that he is learning to except responsibility for his actions. I'm sure it will take time him to be able to completely control some of his outbursts. But it sounds like he is doing much better.

Hope you and your family have a great Easter.

This is a good sign, I hope things carry on like that slowly improving x

(((((((((((Sabby)))))))))))

It sounds so wonderful that your grandson is starting to have insight that his behaviors have consequences and he can see the connection. Just know that ups and downs are common, and don't get discouraged. I'm glad he is doing better in school and they are providing the support he needs (they are, right?)

(((((((((( googley ))))))))))))) Thanks for reading and replying!

You are definitely right, this is a process and he will have his ups and downs. Every time he has an issue, I try to talk to him about it in a calm and caring way and then I find something positive to end the conversation on. I think he respects that from me and he seems to be responding nicely to it. Of course, grandson has very rarely shown me many issues over the years. He seems to know that I'm not judging him or getting on his case in the same way that the teachers/law enforcement/mom does. I am much more laid back then they are (since I don't live with him it's easier for me to be this way too! LOL).

Daughter is doing well to get all involved with grandson on the same page. From home life to school, to boys & girls club and his karate class. This keeps grandson grounded and responsible and knowing that he can't get one over anybody as we are all aware when he has a good day or a bad day. It seems to be helping him a lot in that respect and knowing he can't lie about his day/issues holds him accountable. YAY!

Yes, it is a work in progress, but it seems to be heading in the right and positive direction at this time.

Sabby,

I am so glad to hear that things seem to be head in a positive direction. Thanks for keeping us updated.

Yet another update:

So much has happened since the last time I posted. Grandson has moved in with his aunty (my other daughter). Grandson's mom was not handling things very well with his issues since she has been clean from drugs for the past month or so. She is struggling as well.

Grandson had been doing pretty well at school and at his aunts home until the past week or so. He threatened to kill his teacher last week and today, he threatened to kill a fellow student, all because the kid wouldn't play the way grandson wanted him to play.

Back to the hospital he went tonight and will be admitted to the children's psych hospital. I don't understand what we are missing here. I'm very confused because it seemed as though we were on the right track. Once again, grandson has charges against him and this time, they will stick because he will now be found competent to understand the laws and assist in his own defense. This grandmothers heart is so broken right now.

Daughter really ticked me off tonight. She was complaining about how busy the ER was and that she couldn't find parking in the ER parking lot. She would have to park at the main entrance and take the elevator to the ER. "SHE" was going to be there late with him and SHE was tired and might have to call out of work tomorrow for getting no sleep tonight. SHE this and SHE that. WTF????? This is about HER son...and not about her right now. No wonder that kid is confused and screwed up.....she is as selfish as they come. I'm so angry with her right now

My other daughter got on her case when she had called to say that the ER was too busy and she would bring grandson tomorrow. Other daughter let her have it!!! Good grief....this is all too much.

I also found out tonight that daughter will be kicked out of the shelter as of Thursday because she missed another meeting with the social worker. Her excuse....."I was running around trying to get the tire fixed on my van so I could use the van". DOH!!! Priorities please??????????? She could have taken 1/2 hour out of her busy schedule to meet with the worker and she wouldn't have been kicked out of the shelter. I've really had it.

I know she needs help and now I don't think she is even getting to her therapy sessions. I'm at my wits end now. I'm sure tomorrow I will be thinking more clearly but right now I just want to scream.

Oh well, back to the drawing board I guess.

(((((((((Sabby))))))))))))

So sorry to hear that. I am sorry you're going through all this. Don't know what to say right now. Just no that I'm thinking of you and your family.

Thank you PleaseHelp, your thoughts are much appreciate!

(((((((((((((((((Sabby))))))))))))))))))))))) I'm so sorry. I wish I had more words, but I'm kind of at the drawing board myself. I hope things will look better in the very near future.

Thanks (((((((((( wanttoheal )))))))))))) I understand where you are hon. I, too, hope that things look up for you very soon. We can wallow together eh?

((((((((((((((Sabby))))))))))))

I am so sorry for the backward slide. My thoughts and prayers are with you.

(((Sabby and family))) I'm so sorry. I pray that these clouds have a silver lining.

((((sabby))))

Just wanted to say I am sorry for all you are going through. My heart breaks for you and I know that this is so hard for you. Words seem not enough right now but you are not alone. Know that we care and are here for you. Love you and standing by you with all we have. Always.

dps

I hear you too, hun! I wish I could do something practical to help... but since I can't, I at least want you to know you and yours are thought of. If you feel like talking or writing privately, please do so. I'm ready to listen.

(((((((((((( Everyone ))))))))))))

Thank you all for your support, it means the world to me. It helps so that I don't feel so alone in my thoughts.

Wednesday there is a meeting with the hospital, the school, his therapy staff and family to see what we can/should do for this child. I feel he cannot be trusted around his 2 yr old brother and cousin anymore. I'm truly afraid for all three of them should grandson loose his cool with the little ones.

I haven't gone to visit him at the hospital yet. I'm avoiding him. It breaks my heart to do so, but right now I'm having a tough time wrapping my mind around what he's doing and trying to figure out what he does and doesn't have control over. Sometimes I feel like a rotten grandmother.

I'm also very concerned that we're missing something with him. I'm concerned there may be some brain damage that we are not yet aware of. As a baby/toddler, grandson was a head banger, a severe head banger. He was also in a car accident at the age of 3.

IDK, I'll bring the brain damage thought to the meeting and see where it goes. I think if nothing else, a brain MRI is in order to hopefully rule it in/out.

((((Sabby)))

I don't think you are being a rotten grandmother. I think you are taking time for yourself to figure things out. And you need to take care of yourself.

I am sorry your family is going through this. We're hear to listen if you need to vent.

You and your family are in my thoughts.

((((sabby))))

Thank you for reaching out and for sharing with us what you are going through. I know it is hard and heart breaking but I think that you are possibly on to something. It is good to look at all things and rule thnings out as you go.

You are not a rotten grandmother by any means. For one a rotten grandmother would not be so concerned or trying to look into things and figure things out. And two, someone who loves their grandchild like you do and who stands beside their family no matter what is going on cannot be rotten. Anger and having feelings is okay and normal, and it is good that you are acknowledging those feelings.

Your concerns are very valid and your feelings are your feelings. It hurts to watch someone you love going through so much and he is so young to be dealing with so much. He is a good boy and he loves his grandma so much. I am glad you are going to be able to attend the meeting and be able to voice your concerns. It is important and I know that your heart is right there where it should be.

I hear you have not visited him yet and maybe avoiding him, but your thoughts and prayers have never stopped for him. You will visit him when you are ready. Breath and take this time that you need to regroup and to allow yourself time to think. I validate how you feel and I know that anything you do is with great thought and with nothing but love in your heart.

Your other concerns are valid about your other grandsons, and even though it is hard to think that something could happen, what you are feeling is something to consider. As hard as that is, it is really protecting him from doing something that he would not deep inside want to happen, and it is also protecting the little ones who cannot protect themselves.

Please know that I validate how you feel and I hear you and am listening to what you are saying. I thank you for sharing and for reaching out for support and allowing us to walk here with you. Know that we care and are here for you. You are not alone. Love you. Sending you gentle hugs and loving thoughts. always.

dps

(((((((((((( dps & PleaseHelp )))))))))))))) Thank you for your kind words.

Grandson should be getting out of the hospital tomorrow. He has done much better during this stay than ever before. The psychiatrist and team have found some ways of working with him that are really making headway with his behaviors. They say he is soaking up the positive re-inforcement like a sponge (I knew he would, his self esteem was in the toilet). He has only had one explosion since being there and had to be segregated until he quieted down...that is progress.

I went to the meeting last week and it seems that everyone is trying to wrap around this kid. It's about time we were all on the same page. I did ask the question about possible brain damage and needing and mri. The psychiatrist (who I like very much) explained that in her dealings with grandson and all their evaluations, they have not seen anything that would point to any such brain damage and that all of his issues are pretty much brought on by environmental situations, most of which have to do with his mother not giving him what he needs. (she has her own issues as well *sigh*)

Anyhow, everyone is on the same page right now. DCYF was at the meeting as well and told us that when he goes to court, if he is found competent (which I'm pretty sure he will be), he will go to trial this time. If he is found guilty of assualt, etc., there will be a number of different programs that can also be used to help him along. These things would not normally be available to him without being found guilty since there has been such a cutback in state funding, they are not offering it to others. So, I guess that is something to look forward to as well. DCYF did not think that putting him in a group home would be a good thing. I was very pleased to hear that!

So, once again, hurry up and wait. Not sure when the next court date is at this point. I'm just praying he gets through the summer without any major breakdowns.

Thanks all for reading and responding. It really helps that I write this out when I get the chance.

xoxoxo

Sabby,

Glad to hear things are going a bit better. It's sad that your grandson will only get more help if he is found guilty, but I guess the positive is that he'll get more help.

Where will your grandson be living when he is released from the hospital?

Keep posting.

You and your family are in my thoughts.