[Justme_55]

For me being a stay at home mom was not a choice I've always been stable job and money wise. I remember a time I had too many job options (prior to parenthood) & came to a point I had to turn potential employers down since I was working 24/7 already and satisfied. In march I was promised a job at a hospital through my school and quit my current job (paid penny's but was a job). The promised interview never came through & my position at my other job was already filled. Since then I've been on the merry 'go' round of endless applications and counted I sent 270 resumes out last month, landed one botched interview and continue to search. While I love my son Ive always had some way of working to support my household and rejection after rejection has made me very depressed as well as my self esteem has been slapped around I found this link and thought I'd share it, I found it interesting and would love to know what you think. for some of us being a stay at home parent isn't a choice.

http://hereandnow.wbur.org/2011/03/10/stay-home-mom

[dragonfly2]

Very interesting article. I think the author was focusing more on the financial and career consequences of choosing to stay home with the kids, but I can also see the themes of self-esteem and purpose that you are struggling with.

I have also been forced into stay-at-home mom status, but as a result of disability, not the economy. My situation is different in that I am still providing an income through my Social Security, though it is certainly less than I used to make when I worked. When I first had to stop working, I felt guilty about it, like I had somehow failed. But some things, like my health (or the economy) are out of my control to some degree and being at home is my new reality. When I was working, I struggled to meet my demands at home and would often take personal time just to go grocery shopping! The evening routine was a blur of dinner, homework, Scout meetings, paying bills, showers, story time, and maybe, just maybe, a little bit of down time for Mom. It felt very out of balance and I felt like my kids were getting what little part of me was left after work took their (much bigger) share. I am much happier at home now and do not miss work. I am putting my energy into raising my kids, taking care of my health, managing the household, and trying to be the mom I wish I had. I do not greet my kids at the door with cookies, or wear pearls when I vacuum, lol, but I have the physical and emotional resources now to spend some extra time with them on their homework and prepare healthier food for their bodies. I think that what I am able to accomplish now at home (when I'm feeling well) makes up for the lower financial contribution my presence makes now. The money I am saving on day care/after school care, take-out food for nights when I simply could not cook, clothes and meals for work...it all adds up.

If I was able to work, I would. But I would also work only part time if finances allowed. I do see the value of having a career. Something to call my own, with my own accomplishments and my own identity. Oh, and the adult conversation doesn't hurt either, lol. But I think staying at home can be just as rewarding at times. I do still struggle with the "occupation" line on forms I have to fill out for various reasons, but I also resent being forced into some sort of box. That's society's problem, not mine. It is a shame that in the US, parenting has such little value. Other industrialized nations have established systems for parental leave and other supports for families. We seem to be on our own here, and that's doing a disservice to our country. It also causes a painful division between stay at home moms and moms who work outside the home. There's a mix of resentment and envy and a need to justify our positions. Going all one way or the other doesn't work for everyone. I know moms who would feel completely lost being away from their kids and others who would lose their minds after the first week at home. It doesn't make them better or worse than each other - just different. Unfortunately, more and more people are being forced into uncomfortable positions. Like you, being forced to stay home and another mom who is forced to go to work because dad is now unemployed. We're not in 1960 anymore, Toto.

[Justme_55]

I loved you're response to that article, I had a mom that had no choice but to work full time to raise us and she did all she could for us. I had friends who's mom's COULD afford to stay at home, and some that had no choice (in the 80's & 90's) and I envied that, but each situation is different & I now being a mother can admire EVERY good mom working or not for any reason. I loved the I don't vaccumn in pearls, I only have one child who is not in school and between the house, him, job searching, school for myself and sometimes just making it through the day I'm grateful if I can get a shower in. I admire that you're so honest, because so many people sugar coat the glory of parenting in ALOT of aspects and the reality is working or not parenthood is hard devote work, I wouldn't trade any second of it. You're right society does put parents on one end or the other (dads too) and it is hard keeping a balance. I do like that you don't greet the kids with cookies; you're correct it's a new decade. Thank you very much. Being a parent can be hard, but the most rewarding gift anyone could be given is the bond you share with you're kiddo.