[BlueInanna]

Hi,

Hope it's ok if i vent for a minute?

I had such a great day with my 17 yr old daughter, she's already moved out. We went and got our hair done, it was great. We went to sushi, and it was great. But I ate a piece of her sushi i thought she was done. She screamed at me for 15 minutes about how i stole her food. i kept apologizing (also gently reminded her about having polite manners), and she eventually calmed down but was crying, apologetic. she told me that she was taking out on me everything she ever felt was stolen from her We left each other with hugs and tears.

This is all so hard, moodswings are so hurtful. she told me that i do that to her sometimes too, and i think i must... i'm so sad that she is practically an adult and has so many extra challenges ahead with facing mental illness. i miss her, wish she was my sweet little 3 year old still...

[zbmom]

In that instance I would have told her once you were sorry and didn't realize she wasn't done and that next time you would ask permission first. If she continued screaming at that point I would say we can talk more when you're ready to be calm. It is hard when someone has major mood swings but she essentially threw a tantrum and wasn't able to calm herself down. You apologizing to her over and over was feeding into her stream of being victimized. You didn't deserve to be screamed at for making a mistake. I'm sorry you had such a rough day but if you really think back there were probably very rough times when she was your sweet little 3 year old as well :-)

[Alcinus_of_chell]

I would have told her once you were sorry and didn't realize she wasn't done and that next time you would ask permission first. If she continued screaming at that point I would say we can talk more when you're ready to be calm.

No, that will make it worse. *Voice of Experence*

[BlueInanna]

thanks so much for replying. Yes, she's had the mood swings since very young age. Luckily she did not scream in the restaurant. i dont know what i would've done if she had, maybe yell back and start throwing sushi at each other, oh that would be bad lol. i just did what i felt i had to to help her calm down, and also remind limits about what is nice behavior.

i saw her today and she was so apologetic like always. We bipolars are not bad people, we know right from wrong (well mostly ... i have my vices). She told me she cried all night and couldnt stop, that she was sure that i had died, and thought that she had ruined our most wonderful and last day together. i cried a lot last night too.

i still worry about my mom dying, and about everyone i love dying. i think it's probably healthy that she cried hard and knew what she was crying about last night. She's afraid of change and she's afraid of being almost 18 and an adult. And she's mourning the adolescant years she wasted on drugs and on thinking she hated me. i think i went through almost the same thing at that age. But i did not have the help, support and understanding that i was also struggling with bipolar. i am so grateful that i have been able to get her some help so far. And i pray i will stay strong and be a centered place of love that she needs.

[zbmom]

It is hard to be bipolar (I'm a BP II) and to have mood swings but everyone needs to learn boundaries for their behavior and that they can't mistreat people. If she isn't in therapy I'd recommend she start so she can learn some coping skills for calming herself when she gets very angry or agitated. I know when I get very upset at my husband sometimes I can't calm down for awhile and so I've learned to take a "timeout". It really is important to develop coping skills because she will have lots of situations in life where people trigger her and she cannot explode inappropriately without consequences. You can be loving AND firm and though she may hate it now she will thank you later.