[ocd5mom]

I am so sick of being told what a bad parent I am just because my family disagrees with a decision I made about my daughter. I decided not to put her in public school for a number of reasons that they have decided are of my own cration. They don't believe that my little girl is as terrified of crowds as she says, or I say, she is because she went to VBS over the summer and she goes to AWANAS at church and sunday school. The fact is that my baby girl forces herself to do them, but she sticks close to her teachers and doesn't not play with the rest of the kids. One or two of them maybe, but not large groups. She is terrified and her astma and oxygen scares and embarrasses her. I don't know what else to do. My daughter doesn't discuss her fears with her other family, just me. I am a single parent and she and I are extremely close, so we discuss things that we feel that we don't discuss with other people. I have tried to get therapy for her, but the doctor is unreliable and we are searching for a new one. But I am hurt, and angry, and ashamed of them for what they say. It makes it that much harder on my little girl and on me. I have stopped discussing things concerning my baby because of their attitude. I don't what to do, but I KNOW that the decision I have made is right for my daughter. I want to yell and scream at them that she is MY daughter and I know what is best for her, but I don't think it would make a difference at this point. I know this is right for her, I can FEEL it in my gut, but what do I do about all these people that are set on berating me and accusing me of inventing my girl's problem for my own benefit. AGHHHHH.....

[Perna]

I am so sorry you are not feeling supported by your family. It sounds like they are concerned for your daughter, too. Be careful not to get everyone upset or it could get harder for you and her. Do you have one family member or friend that is okay and who your daughter could talk to also? Isolating your daughter, just you and her, is not healthy for her, does not help her grow up with others and become her own woman. Retreating from things that scare us is not how to deal with them, they won't just go away. Good luck with finding a new therapist for her.

[lynn P.]

I agree sheltering your daughter and not letting her face her fears, will only enforce them more. I understand its stressful to see your daughter upset in those times, but honestly the best thing to do is let the educators handle her. When my daughters went through kindergarten, there were a few kids who had separation anxiety - the teachers said ..."briefly say good bye and then leave...don't look back even if they're crying". Even better would be letting a child like this take the school bus so there's no pining at the school or getting out of the car. Children are very resilient and they have the ability to soothe themselves and eventually the child will adjust. I was a very painfully shy child who didn't want to go to school and thanks to my mom, who didn't listen to me in regards to that.

It may even take a couple weeks of the child crying and testing the boundaries but it will happen. Enforcing her fears is enabling IMO, even though I realize you think you're doing the correct thing. Children also pick up on their parents fears. Even children with challenging disabilities can go to school.

[ocd5mom]

I'm not trying to separate her from people or keep her from facing her fears....I just can't force her into it too soon because she could have a breakdown, I know this because i have tried...it took weeks for her to be able to venture out into crowds again....She's a lot braver now, but she still has mild panic attacks when she is in real heavy crowds. I don't want to isolate her, she has friends that come to our house to play with her, but she doesn't go to their homes for medical reasons. Her friends' parents smoke in their home and, with her asthma, and being on oxygen, her lungs cannot handle being around any type of smoke. She is my world and I have tried to push her, but I'm starting to feel like I can't do it anymore because everyone is on my case and I'm starting to wonder if they are right and i should just force her to go to school and stay there, regardless of her condition and her demo-phobia (fear of crowds). I feel pressured to force her beyond her ability to cope. I just don't know what to do....

[lynn P.]

I can feel you're struggling with this ocd5mom. When I was 5 I clearly remember having incredible anxiety about going to school. I would cry for days but I still had to go and I used to have panic attacks as a child but I never told anyone. I know its hard to let go and see your child stressed out. Has she been see by a child psychologist and if so, what does he/she say? Schools are trained today to accommodate all kinds of special needs children. Children also pick up on their parents emotions and are keen on knowing how far they can go.

If you look at any info on fears and phobias, it suggests confronting fears. If a mom takes her child to school on the first day and the child cries - it doesn't help for the mom to stay with the child or prolong the good bye. Ask her attending physician if sending her to school is the best option. Do you struggle with anxiety too?

[Feiticeira]

I don't think it's a bad decision to home school your child. In fact if you are able to I think that's much better for children than putting them in public schools. There are tons of benefits to home schooling your child. The public school system is far from perfect and very ineffective way to get children interested in learning. I mean the issue with home schooling is you have to deal with educating your child and it can be frustrating at times and it can be costly to do so.

Just because your daughter isn't in public school doesn't mean she won't have opportunities to be in public, that idea is absolutely ridiculous. Just like you said, she goes to church, and when she's older you may want to consider sending her for lessons in ballet, piano, karate, or whatever she seems interested in, just so that she can socialize with people her age and on her own.

Awesome article about some benefits about home schooling and social adjustment.
http://articles.sfgate.com/1999-03-1...d-tests-hersch

[lynn P.]

I'm not against home schooling at all if the parent is equipped for doing this for the right reasons. Most home schooled children aren't at home because they can't handle school, but because the parents think they can do a better job. I think sheltering this will only make dealing with the real world that much harder. I never played much in elementary school either and I needed the challenge of the real world. Its important to separate the anxiety of the child and the parent.