Daddy confusion

Hey y'all. I'm new here, and was brought by concern for my boyfriends child. His ex (the child's mom) allows his 2 y/o son to refer to her bf as "daddy T" and my by (his bio dad) as "daddy J." My bf "J" (*names abbreviated for privacy*) and I have repeatedly asked her to disallow this and correct his son in the future. The child custody judge also admonished her for encouraging this, but didn't put in any court order to have her stop. It's been going on now for over 18 months and continues.

I'm curious about the damage that could occur for this "daddy confusion." j has a very active role in his sons life and wants to be supportive as possible, as do I.

Hazel- I'm not sure it will necessarily be confusing to him. My foster son refers to me as mom, but he has several "Mommy ____" as he refers to his birth mother, and a few previous foster moms. I don't think kids at that age really realize what "daddy" means..it is no different from having several aunts and uncles. They all have the same prefix, too.

By the time he is old enough to really know what "daddy" means, he will be old enough to know who his real dad is.

Sorry that it is frustrating to you, though..but I think he is lucky to have so many "parents" to love him :-)

I agree; my step-grandchildren call me a version of grandmother and kind of get mixed up with their other two grandmothers (our daughter-in-law is adopted so her mother isn't the "real" grandmother either). What one is called is not as important as the relationship and the child will sort that out as he gets older. No way to control what he calls your boyfriend when he's at his mother's house anyway; just what he calls your boyfriend when he's at yours.

My son was two years old when I started dating a man and my son called him daddy. We tried to discourage that and told my son that he was mommy's new friend and he should call him B-. But my son persisted in calling him daddy for weeks so we gave up correcting him and one was 'daddy' and the other was 'other daddy'.

I have to agree with what everybody else has said. What the child calls each person is not near as important as the relationship between the two.

When I work in the public school I allow the kids to call me by my first name. I introduce myself with my first name to the children regardless of how old they are. A school administrator asked in a semi-accusatory manner why I did not make the kids address me as Mr. and by my last name, as a sign of respect; I told her respect is much more than a name or word. My presence and behavior command respect, not my title. Just as how Daddy ‘T’ and Daddy ‘J’ behave around the child will have much more effect on what the kid and the general public perceive their relationship to be. If Daddy ‘T’ acts like a responsible adult and sets consistent rules and limits for boy, but is also there for the him when is he hurt, scared, or sad, he may earn the title father. If Daddy ‘T’ just try’s to be the youngsters friend and he will never be regarded by the boy as his “dad,” even if that is what he calls him.