Different parenting styles

My husband and I have very different parenting styles. He firmly believes in spanking and yelling, I don't. I know we're supposed to be a united team in front of the kids, so I don't say anything, but I resent the way he handles things, and he rolls his eyes at mine.
Our kids are 9 and 3, they are totally different creatures. Both boys. My husband just got back from working out of state for two months. We did just fine while he was gone. It was so calm and peaceful here. It was really nice. Now he's back and our home feels like a combat zone. Everyone is constantly on edge, because we never know when he's going to flip again. He tells the kids to do something, and if they don't obey IMMEDIATELY, he flips. They're kids, not robots. And a lot of things can be solved in other ways than yelling, threatening and spanking. (Well, all actually.) When the little guy throws a tantrum, I distract him, and a second later he's laughing again and it's all forgotten. My husband on the other hand yells at him, counts to three, threatens spanking, all that kind of stuff.

What can I do??? It's driving me nuts! Like earlier, the little guy smacked his older brother, so my husband went and spanked him. And it was so, well, funny is not the right word, but while he was hitting the little guy, he kept yelling "no hitting!" and "hitting is not okay!". Really? He's setting a great example then. Then the little guy came running to me and climb in my lap, then I got yelled at "Don't hug him!!". Well, guess what, I calmly talked to my son and explained to him why hitting is not okay, and in the end he went to his brother and apologized.

What in the world can I do??? He thinks my way of parenting is a joke.

Have you considered both you and your husband going to family therapy to work on your parenting skills/plan? Perhaps hearing it from an outsider might make a different impact on him.

Alas, I knew I shouldn't, but I would intervene when my husband starting yelling at my sons. It just triggered a protective mechanism with me because I was yelled at so much when I was a child. At least you have more self-control than I did.

It sounds like you have tried to talk to your husband about your differences but that is getting nowhere. I agree that you could consider asking him to go with you to a family counselor. If he won't go, then see about going yourself.