torn between husband and son...

My husband and I have been married for 6 years and together for 8. I have a 10 year old son from my previous marriage and we have a 5 year old son together. My oldest (DS10) has social/emotional problems and has been seeing a therapist for several years as well as other treatments. I have trouble parenting/disciplining him because we are so similar, I have my own ADHD issues & have some past trauma that I deal with. My ex-husband is involved but not to the extend we'd like (he visits, he pays but he could do alot more). So it has been great that my husband can be a steady contstant for my son.

We have had some ongoing trouble with DS10 lately, some which may be normal and some which may be affected by his problems. DH and I have been stressed from that and our financial issues. Sunday evening things seemed to have hit a head with DH regarding DS10. He has been very moody since and all day today I thought he was mad at me. So much so that I went to bed after dinner feeling sick to my stomach that something wasn't right. He came to bed a while after getting the boys to bed. I was awake so we chatted for a bit, until I left the room sobbing....

He said how frustrated he was with DS10. That he has a therapist, is on pills, has been involved in all these programs and nothing helps! He then proceeded to tell me that as much as it may hurt, he hates DS10 right now and then spewed out a bunch of names like "little ****", etc. I had spent the day trying to get DS10 and DS5 signed up for soccer and to get financial aid for it (we missed the deadline so we don't get it). DH said that DS5 can play but DS10 will have to sit on the sidelines and watch. (DS10 is the sport fanatic and excellent soccer player.) He expressed his frustration that DS10 has drained every last bit of energy from us, including time and all our money. (I get child support but it's only enough to cover his after school program. We spend so much money in gas to meet halfway when his dad takes him on weekends, not to mention wear and tear on my car, etc.) He blamed DS10 for us being so broke (paying for pills, gas to meet his dad, and these "programs".

To say I am crushed is not even putting it mildly. I know I have had these feelings myself at times, but to hear my husband say them so angrily is devastating. I'm sure with time he will cool off but even still..... I need a hug. (...and a cave of my own to hide in.)

I am so sorry your husband has put you in this situation. I know how hard it is to raise a MI child and I couldn't imagine not having support from my husband keep venting please.

Sounds like maybe your husband needs some therapy of his own.

He needs to remember that your son was there when the relationship began, he's part of your family, and that it is not appropriate for him to call your son names.

How awful would it be for your son if he had heard those names? However troubling his behavior, he is still a child.