[LostMom3]

My youngest son is 16. He has some anger issues with his dad. He didn't mind hanging out with his dad for a while and I thought they were getting closer. Was relieved. Then it came out Dad was smoking pot with son. Had been for just over 3 years. I was really angry, wanted to knock him out or have him arrested or something. But because his mother has cancer and isn't expected to live long, I let the issue die after a good screaming match. The thing is I have recieved no child support and anything from my ex in over 8 years. Very little support 5 years before that. I have always allowed son to visit ex and his family any time they wanted, beyond the visitation schedule. I promised ex husbands mother I would not file for child support until after she was gone. She is under hospice care and he is in jail on 3rd possession of methamphetimes with intent to distribute. My son is wanting me to file for child support now. He doesn't want his dad to get out of jail. He has a bond right now, but if they have a warrant on back child support they will keep him until a percentage of it is paid. My question is, do I file for it now knowing I will still not see a dime out of him? Or do I just continue to let him get away with this. He has been locked up numerous times on child support warrants for his daughter by another woman, but I have never filed with child support enforcement.

[greyclouds]

Ohhh tuff one!!

My thoughts are that any one who encouraged my child to take drugs should be locked up.

And I would not allow them near my children again.

If you are questioning what you should do, I would really think long and hard about it.
Sorry I can't give any better advice. Keep us posted on what you decide. Good luck. Hug.

[LostMom3]

My son has made the decision himself to not be around his father after his grandmother is gone. He had found his stash of meth and paraphenial and was really upset. I am just really torn about what to do wbout the child support and keeping him in jail. And stay in jail he would, he owers over $25,000 to his little girl and well over $45,000 to my son. Wondering if it is even worth it? I am not a vindictive person. I have made it clear tto my son there will be no drugs used as long as he lives with me. I made it clear to his father I would call in Family and Children Services if I even think he is doing drugs with him again. I just wish he was the decent father he used to be before he started drugs.

[Leed]

Dearheart you are DUE that money. He has a DUTY to support his children, and he should have been doing it all along. Instead you had to work your fanny off to support these kids.

File for child support and even if he ends up in prison for the rest of his sorry life, it's payback for what he should have done. He's a deadbeat dad, and there's too darn many of them in this country!!! Why should taxpayers have to pay for what HE owes??? My son in law is another dead beat. He hasn't paid a penny in about 7 years, but he can sit at home on his huge butt and do drugs!! He can sure find the money to do that! But he can't support his daughter!

So file for child support and do it soon! You are OWED THAT MONEY.

[Oxidopamine]

If I were you, I'd file for child support. At the end of the day, you're owed that money to help support your children. If he remains in prison for a longer time, then that's unfortunate for him but he has no valid excuse, other than pissing all over your generosity of not filing before given his mother's condition. Your ex-husband has a source of income, so he can pay at least some of what is owed, perhaps even all of it.

[Vibe]

You said that you know you are not going to get a dime out of it (which is really too bad and changes things). In that case, the only two points of filing are to keep him locked up and to keep him from walking all over you - which he is doing. The other reason might be to keep him away from your son.

I'm curious what would happen if your son just stopped going to visitations after your ex-husband got out. He owes so much child support that I doubt he could push the issue. Why does your son want him in jail? Is he scared or just angry?

See, I'd be tempted not to keep him in jail if it could be his last chance to see his mom - more for her sake than his. However, if you could not keep him away from your kid, then I would do anything I could to keep him locked up until the boy is 18.

I'm a softy but the kid does come first.

[LostMom3]

My son is just very angry with his dad. The night his dad was arrested his grandmother begged him not to leave. She had been losing her balance and falling alot. Ut had her scared to be alone, she wanted him there in case she fell and couldn't get up. He was too worried about doing and selling drugs. Now the grandmother did fall and hit her head. SHe had to go to the hospital. He cancer count is beyond 2000 and doctors say there is no more than can do. My son blames his dad. I have tried to tell him this was happening whether she fell or not, but in his mind, his dad not being there is the cause. This happening less than a week after my son found his drugs and needles is not good for there relationship.
My son does not want his dad to be out to go to the funeral. He said he didn't care before why now. I am going to go file for the back child support next week. My son will be okay with it and I don't care if he never gets to pay, at least he will know that he should helped me raise our son. He can't do anything about visitation if my son is refusing to see him.

[BlueInanna]

Lostmom, I think you should file for child support because your son is asking you to, this is a good way for you to support his feelings and take a stand along side your son against the wrongs his father has done to him. This could symbolize him separated from the harm of his dad and becoming his own man. Only 2 more years you can hold dad accountable for the child support (I think you can't file when they're over 18). Not an easy predicament for you.

[LostMom3]

I have told my son that I will file for it. We are going tomorrow to child support enforcement. He knows he may not ever get any money, but he wants him to know it wasn't right to make me take care of him alone all these years. I am the truly lucky one. I have a really awesome son. He is smart, sweet, kind and generous. On Father's Day for the past 2 years he has wished me a Happy Father's day. He said I have been both mom and dad. I LOVE MY SON,