[North_Star]

My daughter's father has two other children from prior relationships. His oldest son he knows is his (paternity test). His second son is from woman who has four or five children all from different men (a red flag should have popped up!!). He doesn't believe that child to be his and he wants a paternity test, given he signed the birth certificate after he was born without thinking, yet he refuses to get one done.

Because of all of this crap, he feels that he now needs to have a paternity test with every child he ever has. He said he wanted a paternity test to be positive that she is his. I had no problem with it. I got the test for him when our daughter was a month and a week old. She is over 5 months now and he has been finding every excuse as to why he cant get the test done.
He told me that if the test was to came back saying that she wasn't his, he would pack his stuff and leave. If it comes back saying she is his he will never leave.

The test would come back slapping him in the face saying that she is, in fact, his. But, it takes a test in order for him to decide if he can love and continue to care for our daughter. The mere thought that he would be more
than willing to break our daughters heart without caring one bit, breaks my heart, makes me cold and angry. It's pathetic for someone to be willing to do that to an infant!

Am I just so cold and angry at him to think that he doesn't deserve to be her father or make any life changes or decisions for her? Is it wrong for me to file for sole custody if we ever split up? Take it all away from him if he would be more than willing to give her up without a second thought?

To top that off, as bad as it sounds, I'm a bit scared that I may be pregnant with our second child....

[Webgoji]

There seems to be several problems here, not just one.

1. It sounds like he has trust issues
2. He confuses the relationship with the mother and the relationship with the child

I would certainly suggest individual and couples counseling.

In answer to your questions, no, you are not cold for being angry at him. There are plenty of men that will step up as step parents without a single thought. He should be happy to have a daughter and not concern himself with the who or what. Right now, I would say that filing for sole custody would probably not be that great. At least make it his decision to be involved. If he's a deadbeat, then you've done what you can, but she'll always want to be involved with her "real" dad even if you get married later.

[healingme4me]

Originally Posted by North_Star

But, it takes a test in order for him to decide if he can love and continue to care for our daughter. The mere thought that he would be more
than willing to break our daughters heart without caring one bit, breaks my heart, makes me cold and angry. It's pathetic for someone to be willing to do that to an infant!

Am I just so cold and angry at him to think that he doesn't deserve to be her father or make any life changes or decisions for her? Is it wrong for me to file for sole custody if we ever split up? Take it all away from him if he would be more than willing to give her up without a second thought?

To top that off, as bad as it sounds, I'm a bit scared that I may be pregnant with our second child....

It's normal to feel angry and resentful about being put through, all of this. Filing for sole legal and physical custody, will not strip him, of his rights to be a father. He will have a right to visitation, in the eyes of the court. Meaning, you cannot just up and relocate, if you ever decided to, at least not, out of state, nor country.

I agree, about counseling, individual and couples counseling, to try to make an attempt to get to the route of the resentment.