[Soulsisters]

Hi,

I am recently divorced. I was living in a terrible verbal/emotionally abusive marriage. I got out luckily after 20 years. I had a terrible panic attack and could never go home again . If any of you are aware of the type of person who verbally abuses another, they need control. My sons would not come with me once I was well enough to ask them to.

My x has turned them so far against me with lies, half-truths, and half-lies, that my 17 year old will not speak one word to me. My 15 year old will talk a little, but is angry as well. He only got the bare minimum of custody and they won't even see me then.

I have been fighting so hard to get my life back together since I left. I am feeling my old self begin to come back. But my heart hurts so much for my sons.

I have not told my sons one bad word about their father. Not one. The therapists said it will be better for them . While he has slandered me throughout an entire community.

Will I ever get my sons back?

[River11]

Originally Posted by Soulsisters

Hi,

I am recently divorced. I was living in a terrible verbal/emotionally abusive marriage. I got out luckily after 20 years. I had a terrible panic attack and could never go home again . If any of you are aware of the type of person who verbally abuses another, they need control. My sons would not come with me once I was well enough to ask them to.

My x has turned them so far against me with lies, half-truths, and half-lies, that my 17 year old will not speak one word to me. My 15 year old will talk a little, but is angry as well. He only got the bare minimum of custody and they won't even see me then.

I have been fighting so hard to get my life back together since I left. I am feeling my old self begin to come back. But my heart hurts so much for my sons.

I have not told my sons one bad word about their father. Not one. The therapists said it will be better for them . While he has slandered me throughout an entire community.

Will I ever get my sons back?

Good on you for keeping your dignity, and for honouring your sons' needs. So sorry for your pain and temporary loss.

But truth DOES outlive a lie! Your love and faithfulness to your sons will shine through the facade their father presents. Soon they will be adults and seeing things more clearly, making their own decisions, finding out for themselves ...

Stay true to your heart and hold on to hope and your love for them.

Believing and praying with you!

[Mike_J]

Keep on the high road, trust that in time your sons will see though the lies.

It's going to take time, I know how hard it is my ex has told our daughter so many lies about me trashed me in every way possible. But I have been fighting though the pain looking at things in the long term, don't have the greatest relationship with my daughter at the moment but I'm hopeful that things will change as she grows older.

[winter4me]

I am older, ...and, I can say, as the others, stay on the high road, chances are it will work out for you. It did for me. Very well. Always let them know you love them, give them the space/privacy they need, show interest in their activities...hang in there, lots of lonely times, tears to shed; but I have such a good relationship with my grown kids now-----and I treasure this beyond all else.

[gayleggg]

Originally Posted by winter4me

I am older, ...and, I can say, as the others, stay on the high road, chances are it will work out for you. It did for me. Very well. Always let them know you love them, give them the space/privacy they need, show interest in their activities...hang in there, lots of lonely times, tears to shed; but I have such a good relationship with my grown kids now-----and I treasure this beyond all else.

I totally agree with winter4me. My daughter had some anger issues after my divorce, but as time passed she saw through the lies her dad told and we became very close again. Best wishes.

[healingme4me]

Originally Posted by Soulsisters

Hi,

I am recently divorced. I was living in a terrible verbal/emotionally abusive marriage. I got out luckily after 20 years. I had a terrible panic attack and could never go home again . If any of you are aware of the type of person who verbally abuses another, they need control. My sons would not come with me once I was well enough to ask them to.

My x has turned them so far against me with lies, half-truths, and half-lies, that my 17 year old will not speak one word to me. My 15 year old will talk a little, but is angry as well. He only got the bare minimum of custody and they won't even see me then.

I have been fighting so hard to get my life back together since I left. I am feeling my old self begin to come back. But my heart hurts so much for my sons.

I have not told my sons one bad word about their father. Not one. The therapists said it will be better for them . While he has slandered me throughout an entire community.

Will I ever get my sons back?

I agree about taking the high road, continue to not slander their father. It's for them, to see through the lies. Can you return to court, or speak to an attorney, if there is court ordered custody in your favor, and though of an age of being able to decide, they are still minors, and it[not spending their court ordered time with you] hinders your ability to take the time to be with your children.

That is something, you can do, behind the scenes. It's possible, they feel abandoned, if that's how your ex is portraying you. It's up to him, to foster a healthy respect for their mother.

All you can do, is let them know you are there for them, and love them.

Life doesn't come with a crystal ball.

I know, that my ex isn't speaking negative of me, nor I him. My children have relayed, as much to me. If only, others, in their hostility towards the other parent could do as much. It harms the children, and their future spouses and children, in ways unfathomable.