I am afraid of my 9yo son

SUMMARY: I desperately need resources to get help to protect our family from my violent, abusive, dangerous child. I don't know where to turn but this situation is going to end in someone getting seriously injured, maybe even killed.

I am here because I am completely desperate and don't know how to get help. My 9yo son (adopted as an infant) has a mood disorder of some sort—his psychiatrist says that Mood Disorder NOS or Intermittent Explosive Disorder would fit. He periodically throws violent temper tantrums. And I mean VIOLENT. In December, he hit me with a baseball bat and broke my hand. On other occasions I have had to seek medical care for injuries he has inflicted, including to my hand and to my teeth. His weapons of choice are softball-sized landscaping rocks (from the neighbors' yards) that he throws at the windows of our house (he has broken over a dozen windows) and at me. He is also violent towards my husband, but because my husband works and I am a stay at home mom, I am more often available as a target of his violence. He sometimes hits his little brothers (ages 6 and 4, our biological children) and once left such bad bruises on the younger one that his preschool called CPS. He has picked up and thrown knives before, although so far he has not used them in a serious way. I am sure that it is only a matter of time. He regularly (during tantrums) threatens to kill me, my husband, and the baby I'm carrying, and I believe him. At school his behavior is good although his academic performance is terrible.

My son sees a psychiatrist (whom he has been seeing since age 4 for severe ADHD) about once a month. We have tried several medications in many combinations and dosages. No medication regimen has had much effect on the tantrums; at best, we have gotten them down to once every week or so, instead of once every day or two. He is currently taking Zyprexa and Trileptal and has taken lithium in the past, in addition to ADHD medication.

The tantrums are always in response to not getting his way, but USUALLY when he does not get his way, he can cope. It's almost completely unpredictable when a potential trigger will actually trigger a tantrum. The triggers could be things that come from us (i.e. me or my husband), such as routine discipline or being told no when he asks for something, or it could be something completely out of our control. For example, once a tantrum was triggered when his toy accidentally fell down the storm drain.

My son's tantrums usually last between 30 minutes and an hour and a half, and by the time we would be able to get him calm enough to travel safely with him in the car, the tantrum would be over, so we have never taken him to the hospital so far. A hospitalization at that point would be pointless because he would be back to acting like a normal little boy, until the next time he throws a tantrum.

Two days ago he had a big tantrum in which he broke two windows and hit me in the back with a rock, leaving an angry bruise. I told him that if he picked up one more rock, I would call the police. (When he is outside throwing rocks, there is no way I can stop him; he runs faster than me, and I am 6 months pregnant now). This stopped him a couple of times, but finally he dared to pick one up and I dialed 911 on the cordless phone. This was at least the third or fourth time the police have been called. He's afraid of the police (don't know why, they have never touched him) so he immediately ended his acute tantrum and switched to crying and cowering. The police officer talked to him, but again reiterated what I already knew, that they are essentially helpless with a child under age 10. After that age, they can do "a few things," but they can't take a child to juvenile hall until age 12. We almost took him to the hospital that night because he was taking longer than usual to completely calm down. He has not been hospitalized so far.

I just got a call back from his psychiatrist about this incident (it took a day and a half) and he wants to make yet another tweak to the medications (this time taking away one of the ADHD meds, too). He says he will be in close contact all weekend (today is Friday).

My husband and I (especially me) have reached the point where unless there is a sudden DRASTIC improvement, we don't see how he can continue to live in our home. Or, frankly, in any home situation. He is just too violent and dangerous when he throws a tantrum, and the tantrums are unpredictable. A home situation cannot be made safe and free of potential weapons (he uses ANYTHING at hand, and like I said, his favorite weapons are large rocks that he gets from people's front yards). There are too many vulnerable people (my other sons, and my pregnant self) that he can seriously injure. I honestly believe that it's only a matter of time before he sends someone to the hospital (actually he already did, when he broke my hand) or even kills someone in the family. Every day he gets stronger. Soon there will be a newborn baby for him to target. Even with our private insurance I doubt we could afford to pay for a long-term hospitalization. WHAT CAN WE DO??????

Here are a couple of things.
1) When he is having a tantrum call 911 and ask for him to be transported to the ER for a psychiatric evaluation for admission. With your consent he can be transported. Just because he calms down doesn't mean he wont be admitted.
2) You mention the cost of long term admission to a psychiatric hospital and that he is adopted. Check with the adoption agency. See if he qualifies for medicaid or any other services/supports.
3) Lock up the dangerous objects in your home until you can get his behavior under control. This does mean locking up the knives you use. Then just getting them out when needed, wash them and lock them up again. You can lock them up in a small tool box from the hardware store.
4) If he isn't getting therapy in addition to medication management, he needs to be in therapy asap.

Give him back to the adoption agency. He's a manipulative little pre-criminal.

Its time for him to go to a long term children's hospital to get proper help. It'll probably be about 90 days to get proper medication inpatient . while he's there you need to find a partial hospitalization program for him instead of public school.

All above suggestions are worth a go. You have to do something before someone is seriously hurt. To be honest there is a part of me that agrees with Silent Void, if he is that much of a threat to your and your kids safety, not to mention the new baby soon to be born then should he really be living with you? He deff needs treatment in a secure setting.

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

You may want to think about somewhere like camp.

Has he been properly tested so you know what levels his reasoning skills are on? If not, it's probably a good idea. Some tests can show things sort of not visible in behavior (like WISC).

Do I really have to go into why this attitude doesn't do any good...it might get graphic. If he's been diagnosed as having some kind of disorder, chances are that disorder plays a major role in these violent 'tantrums' not sure tantrum is an accurate term per say seems like something more serious than that.

Either way the kids 9, not entirely irredeemable. Also I'd think most parents even if they did adopt the child would have a hard time just giving them up even with serious issues like this.

I agree with this, he needs some more intensive psychological help than he's getting and needs to be in a secure setting where he won't be able to hurt himself or others. So I think hospitalization is certainly something to consider...otherwise it probably will just keep escalating and when he gets older he'll likely end up getting in very sever legal trouble.

Its likely he'd probably not like the idea, and would protest but sounds like he needs serious help.

Here's the major thing I'm thinking about, the world is sexist. Depending on how tall he is he only has 3-5 years before they start treating his symptoms as criminal issues and has law issues. Has he got a complete neurological exam?

What about, in school has he displayed this level of violence, there?

Where, i live now, there's an alternative school, for children with behavioral problems. One child, in particular, I'm thinking of, well actually two I know of there, their siblings are nothing like that.

Sent from my LG-MS910 using Tapatalk 2

I had similar problems with my son (he is now 7) Black eyes/bruises on me... the whole 9 yards.... Have you tried seeing another therapist? One that has extensive experience with this type of behavior? Did he possibly have traumatic events that happened before you adopted him? Subconsciously perhaps? I hope things do work out for you :-)

Thanks to those of you who made helpful replies. Our son is in a psychiatric hospital now and hopefully will get the treatment he needs.

maybe if he was hospitalised he might get better treatment because something is going to give. You are 6 months pregnant, you cant be in an environment like that. He is a danger to himself and his family. Please get help and have him hospitalised for his own sake.

I dislike when adopted parents do this. Adopting should be forever. I get this kid has serious mental health issues but it isn't fair to the child to have to be placed with another family or no family at all.

I think your son requires stronger mental health intervention. Does he qualify for health insurance like Medicaid? I think hospitalization was a good thing to do. He may need different meds.

I'm sorry that your son and family has to go through this . please keep us updated.

That is indeed serious. You can hope that he will mellow with age, but now I think you should focus on diverting his attention towards sports and hobbies

Boarding school. You can inbox me. I have a list somewhere of boarding schools that are under $10,000.00 for the whole year. They have payment plans, pay monthly, and scholarships as well. Re-mortgage your house , vehicle , whatever if you have to. The money will be well worth it. Boarding schools soul purpose are to deal with troubled children. Make it sound like to him you are sending him somewhere really good. Try best as possible to make it seem like it's a good thing for him. He might not believe it all the way, but stick to your story until he believes it, or he knows you at least believe it. It's the only way to get immediate relief.

There are behavioral places you can send him. That way he can't put you, your other children or your property I'm danger. He will be taken care of 24 hours a day , diagnosed and treated.

If this was my predicament, I would begin by finding a different and perhaps BETTER psychiatrist to help my son. I would expect any professional to offer some kind of useful and effective solutions for all of us!
OUCH! What did CPS have to say about your abusive son? If my kids were being attacked and abused by ANYONE, I would take a very serious and determined stand to protect my kids no matter what!
Well, that would be the last straw for me and I'd take some kind of decisive and effective action in the defense of my kids, my future baby and myself but I sure would NOT put up with that kind of mindless violence regardless of what special "disorder" label some doctor has given it.
I would go find myself a better psychiatrist, ASAP.
I don't give advise, but if it was my problem, I wouldn't wait until he seriously injures or kills someone before DOING SOMETHING!
good luck,
jim