[Mike_J]

I have been divorced for almost a year, and have been seeing the same woman for even longer. And she had nothing to do with the divorce, we started dating while my divorce was going through it's long painful process.

The issue I have is my girlfriend hasn't met my 14 year old daughter yet. I told my girlfriend that it would be at least six months after my divorce until I would be ready to introduce them. My daughter does know that I'm seeing someone, and I have asked my daughter if she wants to meet her, and her response was "not quite yet"

My girlfriend is pressuring me a LOT on this issue, she doesn't like having to spend every other weekend alone, and not only wants to meet my daughter but wants to sleep over on nights when I have here.

I don't want to pressure my daughter on this, though I do see that I shouldn't let a 14 year old dictate my social life, but at the same time she didn't ask to be put in this situation so if I'm going to make a mistake it's going to be on being over protective of my daughter.

So do you guys think my girlfriend is right to be upset with me on this subject?

[wing]

IMO, yes, I think it is unfair for her to force the issue. You know your daughter best, and could talk to her again later how she feels about meeting the GF. Teenagers are so sensitive that I think you and your daughter should decide when the time is right, not your GF. You're being a good dad!

[pegasus]

Hello Mike,

It's been over a year and if you feel this is the lady for you then I think delaying it longer could actually be detrimental and make it harder. Your daughter needs to know how important she is to you yes, but she also needs to learn about your feelings too. I would say though, do not do it because you are being pressured by your girlfriend either, this needs to be what you feel is right. When you decide to do the meeting I would choose a mutual ground, perhaps an outing and see how it goes. Good luck!

[gayleggg]

I think your role of father comes first, if your daughter is not ready it will only causes probems. If your daughter is not ready to see you with someone else it will lead to resentment. As far as your girlfriend, I think she is pushing something she shouldn't be, especially, expecting to sleep over as well. That would definitely make your daughter uncomfortable. I would choose to wait until my daughter is ready to meet your girlfriend otherwise I think you are looking at a lot of resentment on the part of your daughter.

If your girlfriend has trouble only seeing you every other weekend she needs to get a hobby. She is trying to put her own feelings above those of a child. Does this sound like good stepmother material to you.

I've been on the girlfriend end and we had an accidental meeting, very unplanned and caused us endless problems, especially when her mother decided she didn't want custody anymore and the daughter moved in with us. It killed our marriage. I feel it would have been different if we had met under other circumstances.

[Victoria'smom]

Let your daughter lead on this. If your relationship is getting to the point that your thinking of living together your daughter needs to know this.

[jadzea]

You are the one to decide when it is right to introduce your daughter and your woman. Your daughter may need a little pressure to take the leap and meet your girlfriend but it should not be coming from your girlfriend.

I have to wonder first of all what is so wrong with her having to be alone for a week end. If you make the relationship more premanant there will be times when you will be apart. What will she do then? It sounds to me like for some reason she is afraid to be away from you. I can understand that she loves you and enjoys spending time with you but there are areas of your life that do not involve her. Your relationship with your daughter right now is one of those situations.

Listen to your daughter. You only have her for a short time and she will be gone. Make the time you have her home the best you can.

[googley]

I would wait to introduce your daughter to your girlfriend until you are pretty sure this is going to be a long term thing (ie you are knowing you are headed toward getting married even if not in the wedding planning stage). And even after your introduce them, you need to give your daughter a chance to get to know your girlfriend before she starts sleeping over when your daughter is there. This is also something you are going to want to let her mom know. Until you are ready to let her mom know (which you might be now), you need to wait. You don't want her mom to find out from your daughter that your girlfriend is staying over. That could just start a huge amount of trouble. (you would know if this would cause a problem).

My advice would be to have them meet at somewhere other than the apartment. A short visit to introduce them and then increase the time as it goes on. Good luck.

[Verity81]

If you feel this is going to be long term then I would gently approach the subject with your daughter again. I feel a year is a long time, enough to know if you want it to be long term and enough time for your daughter to at least get used to the idea.
I do think the longer its left the harder it may become, which is something you could discuss with your daughter, like maybe it will be best for everyone to get the first nerve wracking meeting out of the way!
I can also understand your girlfriend wishing for things to move along after a year. I would meet on neutral ground (much like you would introduce new cats to each other! lol) chose a fun activity or outing that you know they both will enjoy enough to take the edge off the nerves.
Good luck

Originally Posted by Mike_J

I have been divorced for almost a year, and have been seeing the same woman for even longer. And she had nothing to do with the divorce, we started dating while my divorce was going through it's long painful process.

The issue I have is my girlfriend hasn't met my 14 year old daughter yet. I told my girlfriend that it would be at least six months after my divorce until I would be ready to introduce them. My daughter does know that I'm seeing someone, and I have asked my daughter if she wants to meet her, and her response was "not quite yet"

My girlfriend is pressuring me a LOT on this issue, she doesn't like having to spend every other weekend alone, and not only wants to meet my daughter but wants to sleep over on nights when I have here.

I don't want to pressure my daughter on this, though I do see that I shouldn't let a 14 year old dictate my social life, but at the same time she didn't ask to be put in this situation so if I'm going to make a mistake it's going to be on being over protective of my daughter.

So do you guys think my girlfriend is right to be upset with me on this subject?

She has the right to be upset but you are doign the right thing by making provision for your daughter's feelings. I also don't think that your daughter is dictating your social life at all. Your social life does not necessarily include bringing home the gf and involving the daughter. My point being keeping your social life separate is not a bad thing to do considering your daughter isn't even ready to meet her.

If you've explained this to your gf, she still has the right to be upset but she should be respectful about it and not push the issue. her attitude should be thinking of the needs of the minor too or at least understand your responsibility to her.

Try to handle it as delicately as possible, verbalizing to your gf how you understand why it might upset her but at the same time making her understand your stance on this, doing it gently, of course. I don't want to minimize how your gf feels here, becuase I do indeed get it. It would be frustrating not being able to be part of your life completely yet. So again... you're doing the right thing, but the key here is to make your gf understand without minimizing her feelings

Hope this helps.