Young adult son becoming more out of control

Hi! My 21 year old son recently got verbally abusive with me calling me very degrading names. He also came at me like he was going to push or hit me. He has always been extremely sensitive and bright but also more and more failure as he's grown up in school, socially, and in his athletic career, (getting poor grades, very little effort, losing friends and relationships, getting kicked off teams for poor attitude). He has destroyed property since age 14, punching holes in wall ect. Now he has a puppy who seems very fearful of him, I don't think he is physically anusive but gets frustrated with her and probably yells bad screams. He has been suicidal and says he hates himself. I don't know how to manage this emotionally and grow more fearful and concerned.

You need to find a therapist to help your son. He needs to have someone he can talk things out with. He probably feels lost right now and is angry "with himself" but lashes out at others. He needs guidance. 21 is a challenging age, at this age guys feel like they are supposed to know who they are, what they want and have a direction. Well, most don't really have a direction at this age. He needs to be able to talk all this through.

Keep Posting, maybe even tell him about this site, there are a lot of members his age that struggle here.

Welcome to PC.
((Hugs))
OE

Hello klr6414:
Welcome to the forum. I feel that you will find useful information here.
I am not a parent and do not give advise so all I can say is that, if I were you, I would find a counselor or therapist to help me figure out where and how I WENT WRONG in raising my son to be so destructive and troubled. I would go to any lengths to understand what I could have done better to help my son when he was little and still teachable and then I'd look for a professional to help me HELP my son from now on.
re: He has been suicidal and says he hates himself.
me: This tells me that something might be very wrong from his early childhood and it might be due to inadequate parenting, if not some genetic flaw or "disorder", so I would look for ways to CORRECT my parenting of my son, if that is the cause of his problems. In any case, I would try to get him into some kind of therapy and also find some professional support FOR MYSELF.
But not being a parent myself, my opinions may be totally irrelevant, so you are free to respect these opinions or ignore them. I expect that other, wiser parents will offer you some useful feedback.
....so good luck,
jim

I would suggest getting him to a therapist. I think he could use some help with his anger issues. I hope that you can figure this out in a way that helps the situation for everyone.