I need help with my daughter

(Sorry for the long post, but I am upset and worried)

I have a daughter who is 15 years old. She was born in a Hispanic family. I am the non-Hispanic of the group. Her mother and I broke up soon after the birth of my daughter, but I always have been very much involved in my daughter's life. She is living with me now.

One day she asked me why her mother and I are still not together. Stupid as I can be, I told her what I have told the rest of the family. I told her that I found out her mother was still in love with her ex husband when she was with me. So she had some things to work out for herself. I still care very much for my daughters mother. My daughter knows this.

My daughter has never felt part of her mother's side of the family. Her mother ignores her much of the time. She is not invited to important family functions. They just go about their life together including birthdays and such. When her brother had a baby, my daughter waited for hours to be let in too see her new nephew. Finally, she called her brother up, telling him she had to leave soon. He was OK with that, showing no interest in getting her in to see his new baby. When her siblings mother and father are present together, they act as the family they used to be together, joking around and such. My daughter does not feel a part of this. She feels excluded, unhappy, and depressed.

Lately my daughter has been feeling depressed. She feels it would of been better not to have been born. I tell her that her mother loves her very much. It is just that she is not the one to show her feelings. I also tell her that she is the most important person in my life. I am very happy she is my daughter. I try to help her understand her mother. I think opening my big mouth over her mother's and my separation was a big mistake. She has been not old enough to understand.

Today she is very depressed, upset, and lonely. She tells me she feels suicidal. I think this is the teenager talking to me, but I still take her seriously. So I do not know where to go from here. I have talked to her mother to no avail about our daughter feeling separate and not wanted when she is with them. Her mother does not talk or do anything about this with her daughter.

Any thoughts? Any suggestions?

Ask her if she has a plan for suicide, if she has the means to carry it out, if she intends to carry it out, and when. If her answers worry you even more, take her to an ER at once for an evaluation. Or you can call 1-800-273-TALK (National Suicide Lifeline) for immediate phone support.

Does she see a therapist? This would be a good idea in my opinion. I think it would be helpful for you to see one as well.

Also, I question telling her that her mother loves her, when she can see with her own eyes all sorts of reasons to doubt that this is the case. You discredit yourself in her eyes by stating what I would guess seems to be a evident falsehood to her.

I don't think you were necessarily wrong to explain about your relationship with her mother. I think that your daughter is old enough to understand what happened. But be that as it may, I think you should stop beating yourself up over that. You made a reasoned decision, the best decision you could make at the time. Move on from that, and don't help make it a permanent excuse or reason for your daughter to be unhappy.

I know a lot of Hispanics look down on others that are darker then them. I don't know if that's her case but letting her choose when to interact with them and reassuring her of your feelings for her is good. If she asks why her mom does x answer honestly. You don't know.