[livelaughlove22]

Today her therapist told me to not let her hit pillows because anger is not a emotion a girl should have. She also said that girls shouldn't be aggressive so therefore to not let her take anger out. I have let her hit pillows before because she has so much anger and pain inside of her but her therapist told me to stop letting her do that because she's a girl.

[technigal]

WTF! The therapist is a little sexist. Anger is a valid emotion and allowing your child to express that anger is healthy.

[Middlemarcher]

That sounds so wacky that it's hard to conceive of a therapist saying it. Are you sure you really understood what she was saying?

A lot of therapists & researchers believe that hitting pillows, venting anger, etc actually makes the anger worse; it adds fuel to the fire and perpetuates the anger, when other approaches might have helped it settle down. Lots of people believe that instead of learning to vent anger through violence (whether on an inanimate object or not), children (and adults!) need to learn to understand their feelings, and to learn how to tolerate and control them.

She also may have been speaking from a purely factual, pragmatic standpoint. It is true that anger and aggression are less expected from women and, often, less tolerated in general.

[Webgoji]

If that's what the therapist actually said, then that therapist is a quack. Get her full blown punching bag and hang it up in the garage.

But as Middlemarcher said, it's better to learn to work through feelings constructively, but if venting them out is a must, then punching against a heavy bag is good exercise.

[A Red Panda]

Like said above - there actually is research out there showing that those forms of venting anger actually help deepen the anger.

But to say that girls shouldn't be like that?! WTF! That's ridiculous.

If you're looking for an alternative, have you thought about martial arts? There is often a spiritual sort of element to it that could help balance the anger with learning how to work with the emotions.

Does she like art at all? It's also a good way to express anger.

[livelaughlove22]

Originally Posted by A Red Panda

Like said above - there actually is research out there showing that those forms of venting anger actually help deepen the anger.

But to say that girls shouldn't be like that?! WTF! That's ridiculous.

If you're looking for an alternative, have you thought about martial arts? There is often a spiritual sort of element to it that could help balance the anger with learning how to work with the emotions.

Does she like art at all? It's also a good way to express anger.

It's a good idea. But she's a very ladylike little girl and wouldn't like doing a "boy" activity.

[A Red Panda]

It might be different if you could find a female teacher then.

[SabinaS]

If that is what she said, change therapist ASAP. Good points above ^^.

[Middlemarcher]

Have you done much research into teaching children how to handle anger? (And other emotions, too.) There's lots of good info out there. For example:

Dr. Laura Markham > Helping Your Child Learn to Manage Anger

Michele Borba on Helping Your Child Deal with Anger

Great ideas here:
50 Activities and Games Dealing With Anger - Kim's Counseling Corner : Kim's Counseling Corner

Someone needs to teach this little girl that it's ok to feel negative emotions, and that they are tolerable and that she can learn to manage them in healthy ways.