Parental Alienation Syndrome. (P.A.S.)

I am a mom who, along with her children were victimized by their father by systematically brainwashing (and other techniques) the children from a young age. There are resources for men if it is the woman doing the alienating. I need support and I'm wondering if there are others like me who also need support, education and help from others in coping with this tragic loss. Sometimes, the syndrome can be reversed if it is dealt with early on. There are many resources I can share with men and women like myself. It is a very isolating and demeaning experience. Many parents who are, along with their children, victimized, tend to remain silence about what has or is being done to them. I would like help to make this a separate topic heading, since it is so prevalent. Many people say they've never heard of this, and they are being honest. Silence is devastating lives. I will provide references and resources, including information given to me by a leading psychologist in Texas, USA if there is interest. I hope I'm not the only one breaking the silence on this terrible, potentially life destroying experience.

I want to give a resource for men experiencing this destructive attack on their relationship with their children: Google "shrink4men.com". I hope it helps.

Hello peejcrafter: Well... the Skeezyks would have to admit he is one of those people you mentioned who's never heard of this. Perhaps you might consider posting a bit more about it. Maybe it could become a social group.

ARe you in particular considering a male group?
peejcrafter

You are both very welcome. there is a support group on Facebook that is particularly helpful to many people if you are interested.

Thank you for the resource my husband is currently going through this with his ex. His youngest is being kept away from us because the older one has chosen to live with us since she has experienced a lot of emotional abuse at her mums.
We are currently going through court proceedings but it could take months before we see the youngest. They are both girls by the way. The oldest is also getting mental health support because of the abuse.
We know his ex is trying to alienate us as when we call the youngest she is being told what to say in the background and says she doesn't want to see us, yet when her dad meets her at school she gives him the biggest hug. She is only 8

P.A.S. Is something that I had never heard of before today...(just recently, I started a new daily goal: to learn five new things every day. This will be my first for the day, thank you!) I decided to google "PAS", to learn more about it...seems that I have heard of this in the past. In the case study that I am familiar with, a man turned his son against his own mother, teaching the child to verbally, psychologically, and physically abuse the mother. In this particular case, he abused her on video tape. It was shocking. As a survivor of domestic abuse, I realize just how bad an abuser can ruin your life. It can take years to even begin to heal from just a few months of abuse. Have you spoken to a therapist about PAS? Good luck to you and let us know how things are holding up for you.

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PAS is very real, and as bad as it is on the effected parent, it is SO much worse on the child in the long run.

My ex started a systematic program of alienate my daughter from me a year before the word divorce was ever mentioned. It was part of her very well extensive plan to screw me over in every possible way, I mean who plans a divorce in secret for over a year?

Thanks peejcrafter for bringing up this important subject, and I am SO sorry you are having to go through this.

Mom, seek help first try to fix you first then worry about the children later on. That is the approach I have taken. I know your probably really busy but it might be too much to family therapy all of you when you individual needs. Of course, each individual situation is different. Practice forgiveness, because ultimately if you haven't already tried to convicted him using the court police it is a little too late for that. Remember if the children has contact with one that is resistant then you always run the risk of the children still being exposed to some of that parental ways who are too conceited to see what is actually hurtful.

My father did this to me and my 2 siblings.
After 20 years, i no longer have contact with him or them and me and my mom are best friends. It was awful the things he tried to brainwash me into thinking.
I lived with him for 4 years and didnt talk to my mom. But once i left his home i saw what he was doing and got really close to my mom.

I cant even believe the horrible ways he tried to make me think my mom was the devil and he family was crazy. Turns out he was a controlling narsiccist, not her.

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Myself and my husband are still struggling with PAS, the biomum is still alienating the youngest from us and the rest of our family. We have a solicitors apt this Monday and have the court forms mostly completed. The mother's last antics was to try and change the youngest schools so she went to a school far from us! thank God I found out about it and we wrote to the school saying as my husband has parental responsibility the move cannot happen without his consent! The mother rang him fuming! I cannot believe it! the oldest one lives with us and she wanted to move her sister away from her! Its all so upsetting I sometimes worry It will trigger my depression. ugh!

Dear Mike,
My husband prepared affidavits, and other documents with false information and lying parents 3 years before divorce was mentioned. He spent a lot of his parents money and had 2 lawyers! My lawyer took one look at the document and gave me that information. He said it had to have taken 3 years to put all of it together. In the meantime he was seeing his girlfriend! They even took my daughters to a block party while I was at work on a Saturday. He was drunk when they finally arrived home. Damn drunk driver with my kids in it. The daughters had a gift each from his girlfriend, who they called their friend.

I want to say that I can relate. I was the child who was abused in this way. Caused so much pain and many issues. Won't go into too much more. Lots of bad things.

My kids father tells them crap about me...all i care about is money and I don't care about anyone and everyone hates me because all I care about is myself. He then tells them that he is a good person and cares about people. My kids are the ones who told me he said those things. I believe them because he has said those things to me.

I share i your anguish and so do many thousands of other parents. Have you seen the posts on P.A.S.? it might help to read some of them.
Remember you are NOT ALONE! peejcrafter

Dear Metalchick,

I feel sad when people lie yourself post experiences I wish only I have to live with. i'm so sorry for your pain.

I cry when I read your post. I wish all parents going through PAS realize and acknowledge that children are equally victimized, and go through the rest of their lives damaged psychologically by their trusted parent. So sorry you have been so badly abused. peejcrafter

I truly feel your pain. I haven't seen my first three children in 12 years. My ex and his new wife were what I call "front row Catholic". They changed church's and pretended that her 3 children were all hers. Her ex was branded "bad" as well. It's very complicated. I never knew what to say to my beautiful children as they encouraged them to be complicit with " the big Catholic family" I am not disparaging Catholics. I too am Catholic.

Because I believed that the mother/child couldn't be broken coupled with not wanting to ruin what seemed to make them happy along with being not - confrontational and had self esteem issues I let it go on too long. Their phone calls with me were monitored and they told me they didn't want to visit. I had to drop Christmas presents off in their shed.

I was silent. I didn't know who I was any longer. I was a mother, then I wasn't. I was embarrassed that I was a mother who didn't have her kids any longer. When people inquired if I had children it was, at times, easier to say no because people would say" Oh you must be busy maybe we can have a playdate?".

They are married now two o them. I have a grandchild that I have never met
My relationship is them allowing me to be friends on facebook. They do seem well-adjusted and happy.

I feel your pain. I really do. I felt I was alone in my pain that is life-altering.

My apologies for the poor grammar, I wanted to post quickly before I had time to think it over.

I can, though, speak about my children, and not cry. Sometimes..

Another item to mention. I have been remarried for the past 13 years and we have an 11 year old daughter, who I hold very close

I have been divorced for 20 years and only recently began wondering if this is why my now grown children treat me as they do. I'd love resources.

Thanks!