Parental Alienation Syndrome. (P.A.S.)

I am a mom who, along with her children were victimized by their father by systematically brainwashing (and other techniques) the children from a young age. There are resources for men if it is the woman doing the alienating. I need support and I'm wondering if there are others like me who also need support, education and help from others in coping with this tragic loss. Sometimes, the syndrome can be reversed if it is dealt with early on. There are many resources I can share with men and women like myself. It is a very isolating and demeaning experience. Many parents who are, along with their children, victimized, tend to remain silence about what has or is being done to them. I would like help to make this a separate topic heading, since it is so prevalent. Many people say they've never heard of this, and they are being honest. Silence is devastating lives. I will provide references and resources, including information given to me by a leading psychologist in Texas, USA if there is interest. I hope I'm not the only one breaking the silence on this terrible, potentially life destroying experience.

I want to give a resource for men experiencing this destructive attack on their relationship with their children: Google "shrink4men.com". I hope it helps.

Hello peejcrafter: Well... the Skeezyks would have to admit he is one of those people you mentioned who's never heard of this. Perhaps you might consider posting a bit more about it. Maybe it could become a social group.

ARe you in particular considering a male group?
peejcrafter

You are both very welcome. there is a support group on Facebook that is particularly helpful to many people if you are interested.

Thank you for the resource my husband is currently going through this with his ex. His youngest is being kept away from us because the older one has chosen to live with us since she has experienced a lot of emotional abuse at her mums.
We are currently going through court proceedings but it could take months before we see the youngest. They are both girls by the way. The oldest is also getting mental health support because of the abuse.
We know his ex is trying to alienate us as when we call the youngest she is being told what to say in the background and says she doesn't want to see us, yet when her dad meets her at school she gives him the biggest hug. She is only 8

P.A.S. Is something that I had never heard of before today...(just recently, I started a new daily goal: to learn five new things every day. This will be my first for the day, thank you!) I decided to google "PAS", to learn more about it...seems that I have heard of this in the past. In the case study that I am familiar with, a man turned his son against his own mother, teaching the child to verbally, psychologically, and physically abuse the mother. In this particular case, he abused her on video tape. It was shocking. As a survivor of domestic abuse, I realize just how bad an abuser can ruin your life. It can take years to even begin to heal from just a few months of abuse. Have you spoken to a therapist about PAS? Good luck to you and let us know how things are holding up for you.

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PAS is very real, and as bad as it is on the effected parent, it is SO much worse on the child in the long run.

My ex started a systematic program of alienate my daughter from me a year before the word divorce was ever mentioned. It was part of her very well extensive plan to screw me over in every possible way, I mean who plans a divorce in secret for over a year?

Thanks peejcrafter for bringing up this important subject, and I am SO sorry you are having to go through this.

Mom, seek help first try to fix you first then worry about the children later on. That is the approach I have taken. I know your probably really busy but it might be too much to family therapy all of you when you individual needs. Of course, each individual situation is different. Practice forgiveness, because ultimately if you haven't already tried to convicted him using the court police it is a little too late for that. Remember if the children has contact with one that is resistant then you always run the risk of the children still being exposed to some of that parental ways who are too conceited to see what is actually hurtful.

My father did this to me and my 2 siblings.
After 20 years, i no longer have contact with him or them and me and my mom are best friends. It was awful the things he tried to brainwash me into thinking.
I lived with him for 4 years and didnt talk to my mom. But once i left his home i saw what he was doing and got really close to my mom.

I cant even believe the horrible ways he tried to make me think my mom was the devil and he family was crazy. Turns out he was a controlling narsiccist, not her.

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Myself and my husband are still struggling with PAS, the biomum is still alienating the youngest from us and the rest of our family. We have a solicitors apt this Monday and have the court forms mostly completed. The mother's last antics was to try and change the youngest schools so she went to a school far from us! thank God I found out about it and we wrote to the school saying as my husband has parental responsibility the move cannot happen without his consent! The mother rang him fuming! I cannot believe it! the oldest one lives with us and she wanted to move her sister away from her! Its all so upsetting I sometimes worry It will trigger my depression. ugh!

Dear Mike,
My husband prepared affidavits, and other documents with false information and lying parents 3 years before divorce was mentioned. He spent a lot of his parents money and had 2 lawyers! My lawyer took one look at the document and gave me that information. He said it had to have taken 3 years to put all of it together. In the meantime he was seeing his girlfriend! They even took my daughters to a block party while I was at work on a Saturday. He was drunk when they finally arrived home. Damn drunk driver with my kids in it. The daughters had a gift each from his girlfriend, who they called their friend.

I want to say that I can relate. I was the child who was abused in this way. Caused so much pain and many issues. Won't go into too much more. Lots of bad things.

My kids father tells them crap about me...all i care about is money and I don't care about anyone and everyone hates me because all I care about is myself. He then tells them that he is a good person and cares about people. My kids are the ones who told me he said those things. I believe them because he has said those things to me.

I share i your anguish and so do many thousands of other parents. Have you seen the posts on P.A.S.? it might help to read some of them.
Remember you are NOT ALONE! peejcrafter

Dear Metalchick,

I feel sad when people lie yourself post experiences I wish only I have to live with. i'm so sorry for your pain.

I cry when I read your post. I wish all parents going through PAS realize and acknowledge that children are equally victimized, and go through the rest of their lives damaged psychologically by their trusted parent. So sorry you have been so badly abused. peejcrafter

I truly feel your pain. I haven't seen my first three children in 12 years. My ex and his new wife were what I call "front row Catholic". They changed church's and pretended that her 3 children were all hers. Her ex was branded "bad" as well. It's very complicated. I never knew what to say to my beautiful children as they encouraged them to be complicit with " the big Catholic family" I am not disparaging Catholics. I too am Catholic.

Because I believed that the mother/child couldn't be broken coupled with not wanting to ruin what seemed to make them happy along with being not - confrontational and had self esteem issues I let it go on too long. Their phone calls with me were monitored and they told me they didn't want to visit. I had to drop Christmas presents off in their shed.

I was silent. I didn't know who I was any longer. I was a mother, then I wasn't. I was embarrassed that I was a mother who didn't have her kids any longer. When people inquired if I had children it was, at times, easier to say no because people would say" Oh you must be busy maybe we can have a playdate?".

They are married now two o them. I have a grandchild that I have never met
My relationship is them allowing me to be friends on facebook. They do seem well-adjusted and happy.

I feel your pain. I really do. I felt I was alone in my pain that is life-altering.

My apologies for the poor grammar, I wanted to post quickly before I had time to think it over.

I can, though, speak about my children, and not cry. Sometimes..

Another item to mention. I have been remarried for the past 13 years and we have an 11 year old daughter, who I hold very close

I have been divorced for 20 years and only recently began wondering if this is why my now grown children treat me as they do. I'd love resources.

Thanks!

It really is the most devastating experience a mom or dad? have to live with.
Recently my 35 year old had broken a 30 year silence and called me a few times. She's in bad shape with depression, eating disorder, anxiety etc. She suddenly stopped calling. I am totally devastated........ It's like a carrot is dangling in front of me, then yanked away. I'm more depressed than before I heard from her! Crying a lot. Then I sometimes just stay there and try to figure out what's going on. I'm very frustrated. I have a lot of anger from other issues that not in my control. I hate being misunderstood by a new mental health worker who never even met me until last week. I'm going to leave a message on her phone telling her she doesn't even have updated information, and how I hated being browbeaten by her. She treated me like a kid! I stay in my bed and write, pray and watch a bit of tv. I have no hope. I thought we were beginning a long road to some sort of relationship...guess not. My younger daughter won't even talk to me on Facebook. She just disappeared, she unfriended me and I have no idea why.
You guys wouldn't believe what I've been going through with my GP. Doc. It's sickening. I can't get out of their government clinic so I'm waiting for my medical files and just going out there looking for a doc that believes what I say, respects me and doesn't abuse me like my ex dr, if you can call her that.

I'm friggin 61 years old, alone, afraid of people, and broken-hearted cause of my kids who I am going to write to and say, don't dangle a carrot. It hurts too much. I even hate myself lately.

I tried to edit my last post but nothing happened. I wanted to sayI hope I don't hear from my daughter again, because I'm too hurt and depressed. I have been hoping for awhile that I don't live a long life. I can't take anymore stress and bad stuff happening. I can't even tell you anything good that's happened to me since my mom died and my sister died. I'm very poor now, can't afford to buy an occasional pizza. Seriously. I have t had even a few days away from the city for 20 years. No money. I have no hair because of psoriasis and meds crumbled my teeth and had to pull all of them. Dentures are floaters! I can't even wear dentures! That's not all but you get the point. I'm very unhappy and have nothing to look forward to.

I just joined this forum this AM after reading an article on pro.psychcentral.com which did not mention PAS, however right on target for same. Title: "When Your Kids Turn Against You In Favor of the Narcissistic Parent"
I 'get' this issue, sons now in 20s, been divorced nearly a decade. I certainly appreciate the need to 'break the silence' over this insane kind of insidious abuse.
Just now learning to navigate this forum.

From my experience, the courts prefer to avoid addressing the real issue (I was alienated) and blamed me for the distancing of my daughter from me based on heresy and what seemed to be preconceived notions.

When my ex came and kidnapped my daughter police said nothing would be done unless I went back to court to address the issue, the papers in my hand meant nothing. A few months with mom led her to having to go to live in a mental institution the past 3 months. After she betrayed me and jeopardized her younger brother's living with me (I have custody he's from another woman), she's now stating she wants to live with me again and hopes to be out by the end of the year. This is concerning because after all I've been through with her, it's challenging to trust anything she says. I hope she's genuine and isn't coming back home as part of the grand scheme to cause me further problems regarding custody of my young son with her mother (and new bff- son's mom) behind the scenes as the puppeteers.

You mentioned there wasn't many resources for mothers could have been alienated try being a custodial father who was alienated. I have yet to find another like me but I'm sure they are out there.

The results of parental alienation are terrible.
Equally bad is when so-called professionals will not address it properly. As a result, they also destroy the lives of the innocent. It's a shame the system is as sick as those alienating.

I am dismayed that the DSM-5 rejected this as a diagnosis by agreeing with propaganda in fear of what could happen in the future, instead of paying attention to what's already happened and how it's clearly been documented all over the world simultaneously by individual scientists unbeknownst to each other. 1985, I might as well be the poster child for this very real mental illness. Every single symptom and all the criteria live within me. I just found out about it today. It explains everything. I've been on a search my whole life trying to figure out what is wrong with me. I feel like my arms and legs have been cut off and by denying pas by the dsm makes me feel like they are still asking me to run a marathon. So what is a 45 year old misfit who will never have children or any friends or any significant relationships or be able to have any type of career supposed to do next? How dare they deny my long lived reality?