Empathy

I have 3 children & I seem to think that I'm pretty in tune with them...but then maybe I'm not. Lol.
My main question is can we really teach children to be empathetic? If we've been teaching it when will they pick up on it...if ever? Are they born with empathy?

I have my own answers but I think they are biased based on my own children.
What do you think?

I don't know the answer this. But I recall reading, somewhere, that children's peers exert greater influence on them than do their parents. If that is the case, then it may mean that parents can try to teach empathy. But ultimately what children experience, in terms of interaction with their peers, is going to have greater impact.

My oldest DD who is now 12 does not seem to comprehend the idea that other people have feelings & that her actions can be hurtful. I try to explain it to her. Make her more aware of how someone feels, but she seems to ignore it. To me she seems very self centered & tunnel visioned on herself.
My other DD who's 9yo has too much empathy! She cries at hallmark commercials if u know what I mean. She's extremely sensitive to the point I have to be careful what she's exposed to.

I know we don't have any control over genetic makeup but I've been hoping that my 12 yo would start to notice things more. Maybe get that feeling of joy from doing something nice for another.
Or is that just her nature.

I remember my middle child was around 3 and oldest was just shy of two years older. The middle one was very stubborn about not giving, not sharing. And I had the talk with him about how everyone has to share and care about each other. After that, he became sharing and caring, but you could see him feeling instinctively self centered then learning to trust and mastering the social skill. I'm sure that was completely normal and age appropriate.

I think we teach our children empathy by modeling empathy.

In teen years, peers have an edge on parents, but the fact is, it is in the middle, both influence personality. THOUGH, peers tend to influence the more superficial parts of personality, whereas core values and world view are influenced more by parents.

Of course genetics and individual foibles also have a lot to do with it.

Just to clarify