Son Thriving But I’m Grieving

Rose76 · Jan 17, 2018, 07:36 AM

If your son acted offensively toward you, then I suppose you would be disappointed and hurt.

Jan 17, 2018, 07:38 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by TishaBuv

That’s the crux of the hurt. I was the best parent to him. I didn’t do any of the harmful things to him that my mother did to me. Yet, still, he didn’t trust me and twisted my words and alienated us as parents.

I always let him do what he wanted.

Plus, it’s obvious his gf is bullying him.

I’m not sure about her family’s feelings about him. I’m finding it hard to believe they truly support the marriage. They tell him he is family and took him in, but I feel it is as long as he becomes one of their ‘clan’, which means coming over to their ways of being. (I can’t discuss religious differences here)

He seems to be having a good time. But he said he is feeling much stress. So, I’m not sure how happy he is. Maybe he’s gone and gotten himself stuck.

Does he even know who he is at this age?

Part of being a good parent is letting your children, when they are adults, figure things out on their own. He may be happy, he may not be. Speculating won't do you much good, unfortunately. The best thing you can do right now is step back, be kind to both he and his partner and offer your support (but not your judgement!)

In a perfect world people would behave exactly how you would want them to, but it is not a perfect world. That desire to control things to such a degree, is not at all healthy.

TishaBuv · Jan 17, 2018, 08:02 AM

Yes, I will step back and just be kind. I’m not even sure I want to be supportive.

Yes, I have problems with control and expectations. That’ll mess you up every time!

Mar 29, 2018, 04:34 PM

Whatever you do don't get between him and the girlfriend.

Did I miss how old the boy is? Both of my now adult children left home early (17) to pursue their studies. By the time they were in their early 20s they had careers, nice homes, and lives of their own. I didn't seem to fit in anywhere and it was agonising. In my daughter's case she saw and moved in with an awful man. I made the mistake of saying something which I am sure resulted in her clinging to him and staying far longer than she might otherwise have. In my son's case he worked round the clock diligently pursuing his beloved career.

Well, time has gone by. Fast forward five long years. We three are pretty tight now.

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