just want some other people's thoughts

kelllie · Apr 27, 2008 at 05:16 PM

My son (who is 6 and in kindergarten) has been potty trained with really no accidents for years. Then when my father's health (has dementia) turned significantly worse, my son started peeing in his bed at night, waking up in the middle of the night and pee on the floor, or sometimes even have accidents during the day. We get him up in the night to go potty and remind him to go during these times, but it hasn't helped. He will see my father, and for the next couple days he will do this, and we talk to him about going potty and the behavior stops. Of course a couple weeks will go by and he will see him again, and the behavior comes back. My mom says he should not be around my dad so that it doesn't upset him, but i am not sure that i really want to just avoid the situation either. We have talked about grandpa being very sick and how the things he does are because he is sick, but it seems to bother him enough that this behavior keeps coming back. Should I keep him from seeing his grandfather to avoid getting upset or anyone have any suggestions to help him?

Thanks

thatnobody · Apr 27, 2008 at 05:38 PM

I think that your child should continue to see his grandfather. I believe that not being able to know his grandfather and not having the ability to say goodbye will have a larger effect on him than this could ever have.

RozG · Apr 27, 2008 at 05:43 PM

Hi Kellie

Have you explained to your son in simple terms what's happening with his Grandfather? He's obviously noticed there's something wrong with him and he's maybe scared and confused. If you have already spoke to him i think the only thing you can do is keep talking to him and reassuring him. Have you also thought that he's scared that if this can happen to his Grandfather it can happen to you too. He's maybe scared that he's going to lose you. That tends to be the way kids think. It's happened to Grandpa it can happen to Mom/Dad too.

Good luck and I hope you get some more helpful responses soon.

gimmeice · Apr 27, 2008 at 06:56 PM

((((((((((kellie))))))))))))))
I agree that you should probably still allow him to see his grandfather. Have you tried talking to him about his feelings regarding his grandfather being sick? It might help him to get those feelings out.

Perna · Apr 27, 2008 at 08:26 PM

I don't think your father is getting anything from the interaction and your son is too young to be getting anything "positive" from being around someone with dementia. I wouldn't "bother" with putting yourself through this; I don't see a big enough payoff for anyone. If he can't remember his grandfather before he had dementia, what is the point of remembering him in this way? Obviously your son has an issue with seeing his grandfather, I know my father's last days; when I was in my 40's were not pleasant and I'm "stuck" with them in my head even though I had a lifetime of good memories! How much more a young child with no offsetting memories of old or sick people?

Rhapsody · Apr 28, 2008 at 04:37 AM

Bed-wetting is often the symptom of a deeper emotional issues when it starts up in children...... it is as if the flow of urine is a release of all that worries them from with in, therefore, stopping him from seeing his grandfather (someone he probably loves) will not stop the problem, but only make it worse imo.

Some time counseling maybe be needed to help him thru this very emotional and scary time for him.

happysappy · May 12, 2008 at 10:48 PM

It is very common for a child this age to regress during a stressful situation. He is also probably seeing your stress and others over his grandpa. That is a lot for a kid to understand and process. You might be thinking you are keeping it from him, but kids pick up on changes in their parents so easily. I think talking to him, maybe getting that book, would be good. He might be scared of you dying or himself, who knows, kids get some pretty wild ideas when they can't understand the situation. Good luck.

AAAAA · May 14, 2008 at 08:41 AM

It really is common for kids this age, particularly boys, to regress. During the daytime they play so hard that they're not willing to stop for a pee break, at night, they sleep so hard that they sleep right through it. Talk to your peds about it, they'll give you some literature. It could even be a bladder infection (more likely for a girl than a boy in that department.)

So sorry to hear about grandpa, there are some really good childrens books out there to help them understand these things.

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thatnobody New Member Member Since Feb 2008 Location: Washington, USA Posts: 5 16	Apr 27, 2008 at 05:38 PM #2 I think that your child should continue to see his grandfather. I believe that not being able to know his grandfather and not having the ability to say goodbye will have a larger effect on him than this could ever have.
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