Ive adopted my neices

HI I have adopted my neices about 8 years ago. They had been in my care along time. THey are now 9 and 12. The 12 year old has FAS. Its been really hard these last couple of years with her. SHe refuses to take a bath. It is a struggle to get her in it. SHe refuses to brush her teeth it has to be supervised. She still sucks her thumb. SHe refuses to do school work and is now homeschooled with a couple of classes at a home based school. The teachers treat me like a bad mom. They tell me she stinks and her behavior is not like a normal 12 year old. Im like duh. They hadnt been informed of her FAS. I didnt find this out until last week. SHe is a sweet kid and I love her to death. Its just hard.
My nine year old was exposed to meth and was shaken. SHe was also born with viralmeningities. SHe had a lot of issues in the beginning. She had seizures and myoclonic jerks. She used a wheelchair for a while. SHe is now almost perfectly normal. No seizures or any thing. She has a very bad temper though.
Sometimes I get really tired. I have PTSD and I have to deal with that also. I had no good parenting so i am winging it. I have no idea what I am doing half the time. OK.....most of the time.

sorry i have to start with what is FAS, i too had a child that needed encourgment to wash and clean her teeth, actually she still does and she is 23yrs old

the only thing i can think of is dont tell her off, set a routine of watching her wash and prepare for school see if you can qualify for help with this, i used to get a home help the days i worked but it took a lot of fight to get this set up

the home help would come in give her a shower and get her ready for the day

as this neice doesnt go to school full time deal with the other two first and then the 12 yr old that way she will have more attention from you,

also see if you qualify for restpite to give you a break

a lot of us dont have good parenting instilled in us for one reason or another but trying makes us good parents
and you sound like you are

FAS= fetal alcohol syndrome. Thanks for the advice.

First of all, you're a good parent for even joining this site and asking for help! Don't ever let anyone make you feel otherwise. I think we all go through the "judgemental" looks from others around us who don't even understand what we go through at home.

You and I are similar in that we had adopted our nephew who was exposed to meth inutero and alcohol.

Dental hygiene was always a problem and our son, 6 yrs old has to be medicated for any dental treatment.

Good luck with the hygiene routines! I haven't reached that age level yet for my boy but I swear the medications help with even tooth brushing now.

Such a wonderful thing your doing. I don't have much advice im afraid, as a new mom... but I can tell you I was addicted to drugs before Jeremy came.. well, as soon as I found out I was pregnant, about a week or two after I BECAME pregnant - i stopped everything.. and have been clean since.

Im so sorry that you have had to watch these beautiful children grow up with disorders because of the choices their birthmothers made. For me it was easy, an easy choice, but I am sure it is not for others.

I am so much better off now.

I wish you the very best.