My son :-(...... wants to *** ( he's got Asperger's and ADHD)

I don't know how much more our family can take.
My son is in a really bad state. He says he doesn't want to live anymore. He's acted upon his words as well!

Last week he searched for something sharp to hurt himself with... We've hidden all knives and pair of scissors. He got a hold of the type of "knife" you use to smear out whipped cream on a cake with... It's not sharp... but anything can cause damage if you're strong enough using it. He began pulling it back and forth on his throat... before we managed to get it off of him.
Then he threw himself on the kitchen floor crying and said he wanted to die.

We went away on vacation Friday afternoon and got back home at midnight last night. It was NO vacation I tell you! Just horrible! He used a nasty language and was worried about being at a new place and losing the structure. We tried our very best to prepare him before the trip about what was going to happen... but still it's so hard on him.
Yesterday we went to this theme park and that was a total disaster. Leaving the park and walking to the parking lot to our car... he suddenly jumped out in the highly trafficated street (in Sweden's second largest city) I just managed to grab a hold of his arm and pull him back to the sidewalk... Then after walking a few steps he did it again and I got a hold of his shirt which got torn... Both my husband and I had to grab a hold of one arm each and hold him preventing him to it again. My husbands sister was shocked... well we all were.

Then driving back home in the car in the darkness... our son got upset about something we were talking about and opened the door on his side to jump out in a speed of 55.92 MPH. Our daughter screamed of fear and my husband nearly drove off the road. My husband pulled over to the side of the road and got out of the car so "angry" = scared.
When we continued driving I talked to my son and tried to reach out to him. I said to him: "G you don't feel good at all, do you?" He said: "No mom" I said to him that I'm going to help him feel better. He said that he's useless and does everything wrong. He also said that we don't love him.

He sang an "at the moment" song about drugs in the car later on and after a while he said: "I don't know why I sing about drugs... I don't like really like drugs." Then tears came...

He said a few nice words to his sister and then a second later BOOM... the nasty words came back.... It must be so totally exhausting and confusing for him to be like this....

He's been more violent towards us others too. He's bitten his sister and hit me and his dad. This weekend and this morning she tried to choke me by pressing his hands and fingers very hard against my throat.

I've made a couple of phone calls already today about how he's getting so much worse again and what the personnel at the respite have to do. I spoke to his teacher to inform her about the situation... since our son's starting school again in little over a week from now. Tomorrow I'm going to call to see to it that he gets more help. I hate this country and the way people just don't get it! If a child doesn't want to live anymore... THEN REACT- IT'S SERIOUS!!!! Parents aren't stupid and lacking in knowledge!

I'm so afraid of what might happen to my son and about his future!
I love him so so much!!!

In the middle of all this... there's our daughter. I try so hard to give her the needed attention... but how can I give her what she needs when things are like they are?! I love her so much and want her to feel safe.

Our son felt so much better for a few moths this spring... and now...

I just had to get this out… It’s so hard to carry it all inside.

Wow hun thats so much to deal with.. I'm sorry I don't have any useful advice, but major prayers and hugs.

Thank you for your words of support!

(((((((((((( Mandie ))))))))))

Oh ((((((((((((((((daynnight)))))))))))))

I want to help so badly. My son is not autistic but we went through several years of hell, trying to keep him alive, trying to stay alive when he raged and threatened and had suicide attempts. Phew, it was... hell. No other word for it. He was so unreachable at that time.

If you ever want to just talk, please PM me. I know it's hard. You just want your children to be okay.

And we had to save daughter. We actually had to get her out of the house for safety for a while. It felt like we were punishing her.

Yea, it's hell. What can we do to support you through this?

I am struggling with my ADHD son but nothing on the scale that you are going through. I am so sorry for the fear and confusion this is causing you.
Sending you strength.

(((((((( wanttoheal )))))))))
I'm so sorry about you having gone through similar things with your son!
Thank you so much for opening up and letting me know about your struggle.
It helps a bit knowing you're not alone...

((((((((( Sabrina & B ))))))))))
Thank you for your words of support! One day at a time...

I'm too exhausted to write much tonight. I've been on the phone almost all day talking to a bunch of people about my son. I just can't find the words or the energy to write more about it right now. I'm drained after banging my head into a brick wall...BIG SIGH

G had a rough morning and he tried to hurt me... but he's been feeling better during the day.
G and I've been home alone. I had to do like this to be able to help him and let him have some calmness around him. My daughter was at the recreation center today and hubby was working. The special therapist called to see how things were... but still no real help. I guess I'll just have to go to the hospital and camp there if he gets worse again... They HAVE to see the seriousness... I NEED to keep him safe and us others too for that matter.

This evening G came and hugged me several times and he even gave me a kiss on my cheek. I have to save the good moments inside of my heart.

I have dithered on whether I should reply to this thread or not as my reply is about somone elses experience and not mine but here goes.

A friend of mine has a son who was diagnosed at the age of thirty as having Aspergers it took a long while to get him diagnosed because one we are in the UK and everything is hard here and two it was not as well known when he was growing up, he was dismissed as somone who had no sense of humour and learning difficulties.

Then crunch came when one day he grabbed his dad by the neck held a knife up to him and said dad lets just end this now for both of us lets just die together what do you think ? Dad was very upset son was very upset dad managed to calm this grown man of over six feet two.

They went to the Drs and explained everthing to him and asked for a phychiatrist which they got and was diagnosed as Aspergers. (this all took some time)

After some looking into it they found a place that looks after people like his son and allows them to cook and clean and shop for themselves under supervision, although it was several hundred miles away son is now happy at having his own independance and is keen to get back to his 'flat' after visiting mum and dad.

So in their case it was and is a happy ending.

I hope this has encouraged you to see there is light at the end of the tunnel.

Love Trish.

so so sorry!!

i think it's heartbreaking what you are going through.

there is an answer somewhere...

hope you find it.

Tishie, that was so kind to share someones' story with daynnight ... it can give hope to the future!

peace, love, comfort and answers I wish for you, Dear Friend,
night

xoxoxoxoxoxoxo
night

((dayandnight)))))
Know you are not alone.
My son has PDD out of the family of Autism
All his life it was hard. I could never ride in the car alone with him
when he was young. He would be outta the car seat in seconds.
By the time he reached age 7 or 8 he was so depressed he wanted to harm himself. (we had lost my grandmother) first of many losses.
Theses kids are so sensative they do not do good with any kind of change. I removed everything like you had said from the house.
He recieved help. But I have to say was only one Dr really helped him. The most. That one taught me ways to help him deal with it and for me too. I hope this is coming out right, As every child is different.
And i know how hard it is. My thoughts are with you.
Things i learned to help him cope. I could not take him where there was to much nosie. It had to be worked in slowly.
I had to speak in a soft voice to him because that got his attention more. That was very hard for me to learn. As my voice tends to go up and down ((stronger at times)) with out me knowing it.
I tryed to keep life to a system for him. So he knew what to expect. IRL thats hard. But i did what i could. With so many ppl being ill and me dealing with it,. Well it was real hard.
He loved dinasours . I mean really loved them. Every book I could find at yard sales trift stores where ever If i could afford them I got them for him. Also rocks. How he loved his rocks. Still does. and robots ....and loved to learn off the history channel and discovery . As his reading was so poor , He learned so much from those 2 channels. I read every book to him that we had. But he needed the visual. Also he needed to be outside. Not with ppl just with nature.
It was along hard road . I know your is . And his . I hope in some way this helps.
Out of 150 children 1 will be born with this every year. I do expect the #s to grow.
Here is a link to vids where I have posted some on it. Hope it helps .
muffy
http://forums.psychcentral.com/showf...=&fpart=1&vc=1

Tishie, thank you for bringing some light and hope into my mind! It was very thoughtful and caring of you to share this story.

(((((((( Tishie ))))))))))))

((((((((( nightbird )))))))))) Thank you so much for your compassion!!!!!

((((( muffy )))))) Thank you for sharing your experiences with your son!

You're a wonderful mother! I'm sorry you've had to go through similar events as I have. Reading your words I can tell that you're doing all in your power to help your son to adapt to life's challenges. It's so very hard- yes! Being a mother to a special needs child is rough. To connect with mothers in similar situations makes one feel less alone. Thank you for being one of these mothers!

I love my son so much and I'll never ever give up fighting for his future.
Right now it's a matter of "live or day"... which scares me so much. (so hard to write about this)
He's such a physically strong boy too... which makes it hard to keep him from harming himself or us. The good thing is that I still manage to reach him now and then. I try to really use those times to guide him and let him know he's loved. Pen and paper are such great tools!

He put his hands around my throat again this morning... really really hard. He NEED to find ways to control his anger by getting it out in other non-harmful ways. We've tried many strategies concerning this. Just have to keep thinking and searching for a way that works.

I'm just so drained right now...

I hesitate to post this, because from what you write I think you probably understand this already, and I don't know that what I write will help you in any way...

I think the way your son reacts is similar to some feelings I have: when one is frustrated and NOTHING WORKS then the tendency, at least for a child, is just to act out or go "crazy" -- the inner tension is too great to do anything else. The only amelioration is to find some way to lessen the terrible tension, and learn over time techniques that work to do that...

I can see a similar thing in one of my cats. She is active and highly intelligent, and sometimes when I do not pay her enough attention, she starts to race around and claw things (sometimes me) that I do not want her to claw! The connection is so obvious, but she has no way to understand what is happening so she just acts it out. I do love her. So -- it is something that can be common to intelligent beings of many kinds, not just humans!

(((dayandnight))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))
Its amazing how strong those kids are.
Is there maybe something else going on?
When my son was young. And his angre was great. I would take his
hands very calmy ((and I know its hard to be calm when your scared)) As in that rage they see really nothing.
Any ways take his hands adn hold them and look him in the eyes and speak very softly.... and you are going to have to tell him this is unexceptable way to behave.
If you are at risk of being harmed and it has come to the point that you can not keep him safe . He and you both may need extra help.
Sadly fustration does play a big part in this. They are fustrated mostly with themselfs and the world around them
What they see is not as you and i may see it.
And they feel things so deeply.
Part of this maybe the ADHD
My son does not have that.
It is so hard for them as with everyone when fustration happens
Please know I care and I am so sorry you and your son and family are going threw this. You are not alone
Muffy

Thank you for your input, pachyderm!

When things pile up inside of him caused by not understanding all the things going on in his environment... the frustration must get out in some way. When the pressure's been high for some time...he just can't take it anymore. It's a matter of teaching him strategies in how to cope in different situations and to help him find another way to get the frustration out when it all gets too much.

Yes... he's very intelligent too... but that doesn't make life easier for someone who still doesn't understand the social interaction with others and feel totally lost inside his own being. In some ways it's even worse being intelligent, because then he's more aware of his differences compared to his friends and others...

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Any ways take his hands adn hold them and look him in the eyes and speak very softly.... and you are going to have to tell him this is unexceptable way to behave.

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That's what I'm doing if I can sense he's starting to get upset... If he's already upset... then you just can't reach him. Afterwards when he's settled down a bit then I sit down with him and talk gently to him... looking into his blue eyes... holding his hands in mine... Then if he's calm enough... I ask him if he wants to use pen and paper to tell me how he's feeling inside and what is worrying him. If he's not fully calmed down then I go get pen and paper without asking and then I draw and write to him. At that point when I'm drawing I don't talk much... once it's down I ask questions and often he opens up and lets me know what's troubling him.

The thing right now is to get him to feel better about himself. He really needs to see a psychologist on a regular basis to learn more about himself and his disorders. Sure... I'm there for him... teaching him... but he needs more. If I only could I'd be with my son all the time... but I've got a daughter too. I need to be there for her as well.

Today has been a really rough day and I ended up in tears. I just can't find it in me to write about what happened today. Lets just say; I've been hit a lot today.

Thanks muffy for being there for me!