[skeeweeaka]

I am having a difficult time with my 12 yo dd... Last year in 6th grade her grades went down, she was constantly getting demerits and getting detentions...something she had never done before. Now because of my BP, I have problems with memory so she would show me her good grades and not show me her bad grades. Therefore, I thought she was still making the honor role. Well toward the end of school year, she received another detention and although her father and I are divorced, I asked him to contact the school for me and talk to the teachers to see what was going on differently. According to them she was a good student but didn't seem to care what was going on. They also informed him that she was failing and that she only had three weeks or so to bring her grades up so that she wouldn't have to go to summer school. Of course, I was surprised that they had not contacted me, but worked with her to study and get her trades up so that she would pass and not have to go to summer school... On the day that we went to pick up her report card we were both nervous, she read the report card grades to me while I drove and she received A's and B's and one C....which meant she passed. I was happy about this and went ahead and dropped her off at camp. Now as a side note, I did not know about the demerits or the detentions...noone had notified me of them and I kept telling the principle this. Come to find out that she had been signing the detention slips with my signature and not telling me about the demerits or the detentions.

After I got home and came into the house something said go out and get the report card and look at it. Although I wasn't feeling well, I pulled myself up out of the chair and went to get the report card. Now as I said, my memory is poor, but I opened the report card and saw failing grades...for the 2nd and 3rd quarters! Apparently there were four quarters and I had only seen the grades from the first quarter and the last quarter, fourth. The second and third quarters she had forged my signature again because she was failing. I was surprised at the notes posted on the back by her teachers, and further surprised that the teachers had not informed me of these poor grades...had not tried to contact me at all. She attends a small Catholic school! Especially, since when she received her first report card and made second honor roll the teachers wrote a note on the report card saying that she had it in her to make first honor roll and do better. I then wrote back and said I agreed and to please keep in touch with me regarding her performance. Because of that I couldn't understand why they didn't bother to call when they never heard from me about her failing either quarter.

Anyway, she was punished andIhave tried to allow her more priviliges since my T thinks that is why she was rebelling because I have anxiety disorder and don't go anywhere or take her anywhere... I have problems leaving the house. I know this has had a huge impact on her life and I have been doing the best that I can.

Recently, my exhusband moved back into our home to help out with her. He went to the school functions when school started this year, he gave them both of our email addresses and he takes her to her basketball practices and games. Last weekend, however, her teacher emailed us and said that she had received 6 demerits, four for not turning work in on time, and two for not getting an English paper sighed. When asked about this she said that she lost the English paper. The other assignments I had been overseeing and thought that she had finished them and turned them in but she had not.

Another side note, for Xmas she received a laptop, she also had a cell phone, and an Ipod...she is an only child! After the fiasco with the detentions and forging my signature I took the cell phone and cancelled the service. I also limited her time on the pc....prior to that on weekends she was on it all of the time.

Anyway, we made her finish up the assignments that she had not turned in and turned them in this past Friday when school restarted due to blackouts in our city. After everything that has happened I started to really track what she was doing... I allowed her to use my cell phone when we were out to talk and text her friends....and I monitored the messages... I then decided this past weekend that I needed to monitor her emails and after doing that discovered some very disturbing emails from someone that she had met on a kid site called Neopets. These emails happened during her 6th grade year when all of the troubles started. The emails were very disturbing and the person was talking to her in really sexually suggestive ways and requesting nude photos, etc. It appears these emails happened over seveal weeks. I then did some more research and discovered that she had a Myspace page, as well as a Facebook page, and a Bebo page...all social networking sites that she is too underaged to belong to and which I forbid her to join.

After discovering these sites I told her father and we both confronted her. After all of the drama I deleted all of her accounts and set up her pc so that I can monitor what she does and blocked access to all of these sites...

I apologize for this being so long, but I now know what was going on with her then. She was getting online after I would put her to bed at 9:00....these messages were at 2 and 3 in the morning... Now I know why she was always tired, etc. My exhusband and I are furious with her and took her Ipod away, no tv, as well as no pc for the rest of the month. I don't want to be too hard on her but at this point I am at a loss because she is definitely going down a slippery slope. The web sites had all kid friendly stuff on them and most of her school friends had joined her sites as well...but given the communication with dangerous possibly pedophiles...I had to delete the accounts!

What do I do at this point. I am afraid to even allow her to get on the internet any more...even though I now have this tracking software... I just can't believe that she would have these discussions with someone she doesn't know... I realize this is a dangerous world that we live in and that we really need to monitor our children...unfortunately, I sleep a lot and wasn't doing that... I am hopeful now with the changes that we have made, and with the assistance of my exhusband we will be able to keep her inline...

Any comments would be appreciated!

TJ

[katheryn]

i think you have done everything all other parents here would do
my two yeenagers use computer for things like msn and beebo beebo is a child site or meant to be here most of the ppl my two talk to are from same school social groups, i can access them to check up on them if i need to

msn i have set to leave all msgs in a file for me to go over if i need too

hope things inprove (((((((((skeeweeaka)))))))))))))))

((skeeweeaka))))))))))
It is so hard for kids online. Its very hard to tell who is who.
Kids need to be protected from the internet.
It sounds as if you are doing the correct things.
There are many links out there for you and your daughter.
I do think the e mails she recieved were unacceptable
There are laws for those if it came from a older person.
There are also some online laws for bulling ... if she needs them
http://www.fbi.gov/publications/pguide/pguidee.htm

http://www.wiredsafety.org/

http://www.multistalkervictims.org/

good luck and be safe you and your daughter
Muffy

[MINIME]

sounds like we have the same kid. I had those problems. I now have email access to her teachers I am a good friend to the school counselor (not really just always call her) I always check and see what she is doing on line. She had the thing with the emails and a boy and she was even calling him. She is working through it all. Its hard but you have to be on top of everything. PM me if you want.

[selfy]

that must be so hard. i sound like your daughter :P. i mean, i guess ive been your daughter for the last 2 years. only my place that i spent till 2 am on till (or sometimes 6 am) was here. and even here has had its fair share of perverts. its important that you try to keep on top of this stuff and it looks like your doing a good job of it. keep up the good work hon, i think your doing teh right thing. i certainly wouldnt want my kid surfing the net so late and meeting with some of the people ive known. i personally have myspace facebook and bebo. but my bebo page is only viewable by my schoolfriends and a few teens from this site, and has no info about me and doesnt have a pic of me. same goes for the other two. i dont use them that much either. at 12 i think the internet is VERY dangerous. and i can uunderstand your worries. id personally say most teens were too young to be online nowadays let alone preteens.
idk but i think now would be a good idea to educate her a little on the idea of perverts on teh net. because from my personal experiences, they screw you up just as much as those in real life. and i have physical as well as mental evidence for that fact.

good luck hon. hope i havent been too assuming or anything.

[skeeweeaka]

Thanks everyone for your replies and concern. I am so frustrated about this because she has been using the internet since she was able to walk because of my background in IS. That said, I think because of my depression I just never bothered to think that she would do anything like that....duh on my part! I guess I just trusted her too much...

Anyway, after talking to my T, I feel much better. I was really beating myself up over this...but I realize now that it was a lapse in judgement, on both are parts, and she will be okay with the changes that I have made... One thing is for sure she does not need access to those sites, but Neopets was a kids site and that is where she met this pedophile at!!!

Thanks for the links as well I will check those out. She definitely will find it difficult to get online now except to acceptable sites and during acceptable time frames... I will also have a log of whereever she goes and messages as well...

Thanks for the support guys I really appreciate it. There really is some sick people out here who are just looking for little kids....what a shame!

TJ

[serafim_etal]

Originally Posted by skeeweeaka

but Neopets was a kids site and that is where she met this pedophile at!!!

I would report the pedo to neopets. Neopets is generally pretty good about regulating and monitoring their site...the need to know that at least one got through.

[skeeweeaka]

Originally Posted by serafim_etal

I would report the pedo to neopets. Neopets is generally pretty good about regulating and monitoring their site...the need to know that at least one got through.

Thanks I will do just that!!!

TJ