Smacking not beating - need your opinion, thks.

I came across this article and wonder what your opinion is?
Smacking is common punishment use in Asia and the crime rate over there does seems to be much less. The stories of wild intense and boldly disrespectful kids at school and at home (including juvenile crimes, teenage pregnancy is indeed a very rare thing in Asia I often wonder how is that).

Do you think there is a truth in this article below :-
Yes as a matter of fact I believe it does. Spanking, done properly, will train a child in how to function within society. We, as a society, have to have rules in order to live peacefully. If you do not teach your children to follow these rules we have chaos. Look closely at the past in this country (US) up to the sixties, spanking was a widely held practice, and the crime rates were a lot lower. But as corporal and capitol punishment became less popular the crime rates started going up. Look at the children in our schools today. The ones from two parent homes do better in most if not all catagories and the majority of them get punished as needed at home. These children are less likely to get in trouble as they reach adulthood. Granted spanking isn't the only reason for this but it is a big contributor.
Here are more opinions and answers from other WikiAnswers contributors:

• No. If it was it would have worked by now

• Yes, if applied young enough. Spankings (properly utilized) have for hundreds of years caused children to grow up with respect for their tender bottoms and a wish to avoid doing anything that would cause such pain to again be inflicted. And if that is the promised punishment for crime they are more likely to avoid it. More seriously, proper discipline from parents (even if spankings are avoided) does prevent crime. It keeps people from growing up with the attitude that they have to right to things they haven't earned and that the rules do not apply to them. But, I would say that for adults it only works if the corporal punishment is severe and public. So, not a good system.

• Yes SIR, pain retains; GOOD TO GO?

• The zest of the English-speaking peoples for physical punishment is quite amazing. The answer (above) on spanking confuses respect and fear. The only other countries that have such blind confidence in corporal punishment are some of the Islamic countries!

• It obviously does not work in the US, as parents have been spanking their children for centuries and the crime rate continues to increase.

• Why some adults believe it is acceptable to hit children (that's what spanking is) who cannot defend themselves, yet insist on having the legal right to have a person who strikes them arrested and/or sued is a mystery to me.

• I am completely against it. Not once during my childhood was i spanked or in any way physically disciplined and i have never been in trouble with the police or any other authority figure.

• Coporal punishment has been distorted over time. Just spanking if anything is good for kids. I know if my parents didn't spank me I would have ended up pretty unruly with my parents and lost respect for people in control of things. Although some families full-on beat their children this just builds up anger and hate and can cause crime. Again all this can be different for different people. But I think parents should be allowed to smack their kids. (smack not beat)

I for one do believe that spanking not beating (when done in the right way) can and will help teach our little ones what is right and what is wrong.... what is acceptable behavior and what is not, therefore, giving way for a better future when we raise our kids to be honorable & descent adults.

My boys are adults now (24 & 18) and they were both spanked when they were younger... we had preset rules to what would warrant a spanking in our house, and before my boys were given their spanking we would talk to them about why they were getting the spanking and then they were sent to their bedroom (with paddle in hand) to wait for the spanking... this time was usually for ten minutes and was a cooling off period for both the kids and the adult so the punishment at hand was given for the wrongful act performed and not out of anger or upset of the adult.

Honesty in the matter often gave way to a lesser punishment, and I personally feel this is why my boys learned the importance of honesty in life and why they now to this day realizes there is a fine line between right & wrong... and they have chosen to be on the right side majority of the time.

I feel that spanking is a personal decision and if a parent does not want to spank their child then that is fine and they should not be bullied into it... they just need to make sure that they use some form of discipline and that the discipline is constant, never giving way to emotions or upset so their child may learn and grow as they mature into adulthood.

This is a deeply personal issue and this discussion has had some polarizing effects here at PC in the past. Our children are very important to each of us and our freedoms associated with the choices we make in raising them are precious.

There are studies whose results defend each side of the arguement. We are all here typing away, products I'm sure of each philosophy, so " a spank or two" doesn't seem to cause communication lockout. Nor does sparing the rod.

For me, I can remember the look on my son's face as I held his arm streched above his head while my right hand swung in to slap his retreating behind. It was that of a terrified powerless victim.

I never did it again.

I was given a mind and a tongue. In the vast percentges of human interactions I have encountered, these two tools acting as one, have proved adequate in sending my message,,even when its the wrong one. I have found it easier to appologise for a wrongly spoken message than erasing that look my son had when I hurt him with my hand.

IMHO.

Lenny

I will only smack/spank a child while they are toddlers, I think a tap on the hand with a nice big NO when they go to touch the fire or a plug socket or wont come when you call them is not a bad thing.

Being consistant with any punishment will work its not the smack/spank its the consistantsy, I choose to smack/spank others choose to just use a raised voice and remove the child.

It also depends on the child, as with my eldest a look is enough, with my second well you could take a base ball bat to him and it would make no difference, with my third a tap on the hand was needed, with my fourth lots of taps on the hand, with my fith well she was never naughty (I mean it ! ) with my sixth you need the smack/spank on the bottem with the big NO more often as he is a defient and strong willed child.

So saying you are going to or not going to smack/spank your children is a statement you cant really make untill you have that child in front of you.

I have to agree with Lenny that this is a very personal issue. I cannot say that my way is the right way.. Although I feel it was the right way for me...I never spanked my second son. I did spank my first son once, when he set the driveway on fire when he was 6 or 7. I did not spank him because he was being bad, rather it was I was afraid he'd by accident hurt himself and set himself on fire.. Of course matches are a giant NO NO.. I felt soooooooooooo bad for spanking him. I never ever spanked him again. He turned out ok...

Now my second son, I never spanked. I did throw oranges at him once for doing something he should not have done. Am not good at throwing oranges as not one made contact. My second son was one of those kids that always gets into things and doing things he should not be doing. I call him a typical boy... Gave me many gray hairs... Even the time out did not work... So I became a shouter.. That did not really work either...I am toooooooooo much of a softie. I don't like hitting or spanking or yelling. But raising kids can be a challenge. AJ from the day he was born was a challenge. He came out screaming and never stopped.....

I did have serious problems with him when he was a teen. But I honestly think the "divorce" and lack of boundries were his problems. I did not know what boundries were until I was in my mid 40s.. So that means I did not set boundries or teach boundries to my son.. Soo the problems we had, had nothing to do with that he was never spanked. More or less were boundry issues which of course is a different topic..

What comes to mind is the "Baby Grace's" trial where her parents did awful things to her to teach her to say "yes mam and yes sir". What gets me is Baby Grace's last words to her mother were "I love you"....Such a sad story.. soo very sad... An example of anger that got out of control...and the child died..

Anyway, forwhatever reason, I just don't like spanking kids. Again, I do not know if how I feel is the right way. I just know it is the right way for me... Just my opinion........

Hubbys views.......

Ok when they are younger and in extreme circumstances its the ultimate punishment the last one when all else fails.

Try time out first taking away privaliges and star charts if none of thoughs things work ultimatly smacking normaly does.

Coming from a violent child hood, I had to work out where I stood on this issue.......

1. I did not smack out of anger......there is a big difference but fine line between discipline and abuse.
2. I always warned my son (count to 3!) before I did it.
3. I never smacked him anywhere but on the bum/nappy.
4. I only ever had to smack him twice.
5. I only EVER used my hand. Never wooden spoon, frying pan or other utensils used by my unpredictable mother on me.

I also used other methods.....

I would send my son to his room and sit in his doorway until he told me what he had done wrong and why.....he hated that!!!! He was not allowed to leave until he did.

I called a police friend of mine to discuss with my son the illegalities of taking things that did not belong to him. My friend showed up in squad car and full uniform. My son was hysterical and it broke my heart but he has never done it again and has a good social conscience.

When my son went through a pyromaniac stage, I told him I was going to take him to the hospital to see burnt children(sorry if that is terribly insensitive) so he could see the devastation of fire. He never did it again.

So, don't know if I sound like a hard-*** but he is 14 now and well-adjusted with good friends and good grades and is well-mannered. So I guess something worked, so help me God!!!!

Good Posting ..........

not to trash your post Tishie but I remember something... sounds so much like your post... namely:

'Back in the days when kids still had respect for elderly people. Back in the day everything was better. Back in the days...'

It's nothing new. Back in the days when you were still attending that schools, adults said the same thing. I refuse to believe it has anything to do with smacking. I refuse to believe today most parents/teachers/whatever are unable to raise their kids.
Times are changing wether you like it or not... We better get used to it. Complaining will not help.

Not that I agree with butt/breast grabbing and such... Not at ALL. But its not like kids didnt bully other kids, 10, 20,30,40 years ago.. Cept back then you were told to fight back or 'words don't hurt'. Is that so much better?

Anyways... I promised myself I wouldn't get worked up over the subject anymore so I will try to refrain from replying to much... And please don't see this as a personal attack Tishie (or anyone) cause it's not.. Just happen to not agree with some things.

Blue

Blue I do not see this as a personnal attack .....

So AAAAAA... how do they play tag on the schoolgrounds? And are the preschoolers not allowed to hold hands in the line before the door either...
Sounds a bit over the top...