[miray]

Well...my daughter is coming home after a week at her dads. She got very violent with me and I took her to stay with him. He couldn't handle it and asked me to come get her. She is a wonderful child. Just been pretty screwed up the last few months. 15 years old...I remember. Anyway, part of the problem is for so many years she has gotten her way pretty much all the time. Things are going to change in that aspect. I have several ideas to change things for the better for both of us. Clear cut boundaries, rules, consequences, rewards, and sticking to whatever it is. She has never really had any of that with me. I finally realize how much she really needs that kind of structure.

The thing is...I'm freaking out. All these things have been clear in my mind. I have the gist of how I'm going to start the conversation and different areas to cover. She is already set up for therapy, I have talked to school concelors, therapists of my own, and emailed some other professionals to get advise. I am very confident I can do it...but why am I freaking out all of a sudden???

Any comments or advise would be greatly appreciated!!!

[Zen888]

Originally Posted by miray

Well...my daughter is coming home after a week at her dads. She got very violent with me and I took her to stay with him. He couldn't handle it and asked me to come get her. She is a wonderful child. Just been pretty screwed up the last few months. 15 years old...I remember. Anyway, part of the problem is for so many years she has gotten her way pretty much all the time. Things are going to change in that aspect. I have several ideas to change things for the better for both of us. Clear cut boundaries, rules, consequences, rewards, and sticking to whatever it is. She has never really had any of that with me. I finally realize how much she really needs that kind of structure.

The thing is...I'm freaking out. All these things have been clear in my mind. I have the gist of how I'm going to start the conversation and different areas to cover. She is already set up for therapy, I have talked to school concelors, therapists of my own, and emailed some other professionals to get advise. I am very confident I can do it...but why am I freaking out all of a sudden???

Any comments or advise would be greatly appreciated!!!

You may be freaking out all of a sudden because this will be a new way of parenting your daughter and you dont know the outcome yet. Just gather your support system and your daughters.

[lynn P.]

Hi Miray,
you sound very well prepared and good for you. I think you're freaking out because you're worried about it not working. But you seem to have all the areas covered. I would also recommend get a couple books on mother and teenage daughter dynamics and how to keep the bond. I wish I had the name, but just ask the book store. You can tell her that this is going to be a fresh start. Best of luck to you.

[reina29]

You might also be freaking out because you know how hard this is going to be. 15 is pretty old to start changing things and I imagine she will fight you tooth and nail. But you are doing the right thing, just maintain that conviction. I gave my parents hell about that age and nothing they said could have changed me but it would have been nice knowing they cared enough to try and change things.

[miray]

Thank you all for responding!!

Zen....my wonderful friend....not knowing the outcome is very scary.

Lynn...it is a totally different road for us...I'm gonna check on some of those kinds of books...that's a great idea.

Reina....I hope she appreciates it....she says she does...but we haven't hit any bumps yet.

Thanks again

[wanttoheal]

Phew, 15 is a hard age, imo. I agree about getting a good support system for both you and your daughter. If there is someone responsible that daughter would talk to that she knows will not break her confidence, it will help her a lot. The same for you. You may not know what they talk about but knowing they are talking to someone who cares and has their best interest at heart is very helpful.

There will be bumps in the road unfortunately. Showing daughter that you are a safe person and love her regardless throughout this journey will help her in the long run. Knowing when to let things go and when to stand your ground is hard, imo. Love her unconditionally as you set boundaries.

Best of luck throughout this journey. Please lean on us for support.