I don't want her to ever go through any of this crap

I have a 3-1/2 year old daughter. I have both Bipolar II Disorder and Borderline Personality Disorder. I have been through hell and back, and I NEVER want my daughter to have to go through ANY of this crap, EVER!!!

So how do I parent her to prevent any mental problems based on her upbringing? I know they blame a lot of the cause of mental illness on how a person was raised in the early years. How do I do things right for her?

I feel like such a horrible mother. I've been a full-time working mom from the time she was 4 weeks old up until this January when I got fired from my job because of my mental illness (long story...no I can't sue). So she has been in daycare. We worked opposite shifts the first 2 years to avoid daycare, but since then she's been in full-time daycare. She loves her daycare provider like a grandma, and she loves playing with all the kids. She learns so much. Yet I still feel guilty for not being there for her all the time.

Now that I'm home with her 24/7 because I'm unemployed, I still feel like a horrible mother. She ends up watching WAY too much TV and I end up ignoring her while she plays alone and I do something else, like go online or study (I'm working on my CPA), or clean the house or cook something. I feel like I should be spending more time with her one-on-one. I feel like I should be teaching her little lessons about things.

She knows we love her, we say it all the time. I would never hurt her, nor allow anyone else to hurt her, ever. We give her a lot of attention - she is (and will likely remain) an only child of two loving parents.

Anyway...what do you think? How should I be parenting to ensure she grows up happy and healthy and mentally sound?

Sometimes it's hard trying to find the time to spend with our kids. Me and my husband are always so busy that we tend to let my stepdaughter play by herself alot. She's 9. We feel bad because when she goes to visit her mom on occasion, she has alot of fun over there.
I do spend alot of time doing schoolwork with her, so that she gets great grades. I just am not the type to go to parks and play games, etc.

At least you are not taking your bipolar out on her, from what it sounds like. Sounds as if you have it under control in front of her? That's a great thing and you're a great mom for that! Beleive me, I feel so horrible for some of the things I have done and said while raising this girl. I've had many episodes in front of her. I yell alot for minor things. I'm always irritated by her it seems. And she's a great kid. I love her so much. It's just the bipolar in me when I'm not well that I get that way.

I think just being a patient mom and try to avoid shouting spells or crying in front of her. These are things she can pick up on and learn from.
I wouldn't feel guilty about the lack of time you spend with her if you're trying to study to better yourself for you and your family. Maybe you can pick up a short book and read to her before bed? She'll always have that memory. She 's young yet. She's not going to remember you not spending time with her. She knows you love her.

I'd say just having a positive attitude about life without alot of drama in the house. Are you going to tell your daughter about your illness when she grows up? I haven't told mine but I think she has a clue. She's smart. And she knows I take tons of pills. And that I get depressed and cry and so on.

Hi Martina,
I'm a mom of 2 girls 7 and 11 and the youngest one's name is Martina. I love that name. I know it must be a big adjustment to be at home instead of working. Try to find out the routine that the daycare followed and perhaps copy a few of their ideas. Experts say the first 5 years are critical in the developement of a child. You could write down an informal scheduale for things you could do together. You're lucky that she an only child so you can give her alot more attention. I personally don't mind letting the housework slide a little and spend more time with her. I'll give you some ideas what i've done with my girls.
1. go to the park
2. get art supplies and make things together.
3. library
4. read to her every day - sing songs.
5. make some play dates and involve the mom's
6. learn to play with her on her level -play hide and go seek etc
7. do her nails and make a pretend spa day
8. buy some board games and play with her. (teaches good sportsmanship)
9. let her help you bake some cookies.
10. get her involved in some community play groups (they're in-expensive) and it will help her prepare for school socially. She most likely misses the interaction with the other children.
11. talk to her alot.
12. get her some playdo (you can make it yourself) and play with her.
13 Take her for swiming lessons.
These are just a few suggestions of thing you can do. I think it's great that you want to do all you can for her. Cherish this time you have with her, because it goes so fast. You probably are feeling down because you lost your job, but instead look at, as a blessing that you can share so much time with her. You can form a bond to last a lifetime.

Thanks for the tips.

Regarding whether or not I show my illness in front of her - well, I try REALLY hard not to. I don't want her to know that Mommy's not okay. But sometimes she does see me - especially when I am deep in the depresison side and I just lay in bed all day, and when she comes to get me I say "sorry, Mommy's sleeping" and she's all alone. I hate that I do that, yet I still do it.

And she might have seen quite a bit over the summer - I was in & out of hospitals for 3 months, 3 suicide attempts. She saw me in the hospital a few times. But she was only 3, I'm not sure how much she really understood.

I do want to tell her when she's old enough to understand. I don't want to hide it - I spent my entire life hiding it from everyone, I don't want to do that anymore. And I want her to feel like it's okay to talk and share about those feelings.