[honeybee777]

Re: Negative vs Positive Attention


One occaisionally hears of Histrio-Narcissisism, or Narci-Histrionism: HPD/NPD combos?

And how does sex itself rate as positive or negative attention?

One example of Narcissistic developmental theory:
NPD women are apparently very close to their NPD mother...they are adored/manipulated by their NPD mom and have no choice but to model themselves after their mom: the NPD mom's idea of raising a child is simply making a little NPD copy of themselves. Dad is often weak when compared to this NPD mom, but throughout the competition with his wife he nevertheless continually tries hard to love his daughter - which only reinforces her sense of entitlement. The girl grows up grandiose, thinking she is special, and men are expected to go to huge efforts to adore her and satisfy her considerable ego. If a man (at least for a while) should meet her nearly impossible standards, sex can be used to secure him, but for her, sex implies intimacy, which reminds her of emptiness and of her original narcissisitic injury, so sex might be actually distasteful to her, in which case she only uses it as a carefully applied tool to control the man (or men) who come through her life, adoring her - positive attention- at least for the duration of the relationship..

In contrast, one example of Histrionic developmental theory: HPD women are distant from their mom, and (if there is a dad) compete with mom for the attention of dad; additionally dad is often authoritarian and therefore also emotionally distant, although he gives his daughter superficial male, sexualized attention (since his wife is also unavailable to him). But the father usually backs away from his daughter during puberty, though, and then the HPD girl thinks she's been abandoned by him (and ultimately, by both parents). She follows the script she hashed out with dad of being seductive with men in order to feel valued as a person. Again, like the NPD woman, sometimes not for sexual satisfaction...some HPD women are so confused by the flirty affection they received from dad, vs. the shame of the incestual implications...so they have mental blocks preventing sexual satisfaction.

How all this stuff could combine?.

Maybe phasic and temporal: NPD happens during one period in childhood, HPD in another period (?)

Or, maybe the genetic precursors for NPD and HPD are the determinants. People with stronger domineering temperments becoming NPD - with the confidence to demand positive attention only, while those who are less demanding become HPD, and lacking that supreme confidence, they take either negative or positive attention. And those with intermediate temperments doing both/either, depending on how they rank with their partner, in terms of dominance or submission.

[asp1079]

This sounds really a LOT like my mom... especially scenario #2. I know that her dad did not come onto her in any way shape or form, thankfully, even superficially, but he divorced her mother when she was 9 or 10 and nothing was ever the same after that, and the backing off during puberty thing was very true as well. I can see how she's a mix of both personality disorders. She has always always always acted out like a clownish, grandiose, barbie doll moron for attention from guy after guy, especially weird guys, who she could use, and she just throws away or pushes aside things that inconvenience her all the time. It's all about her, and she manipulates others all the time and loves breaking up healthy relationships. What is most sickening about her is how much she loves AND hates herself at the same time, and even says disgusting things like 'I'm asexual now'. I've never met a worse, and more pointless human being before, quite honestly. I'm usually very patient and loving but you get to a point where you can't take the weird **** anymore.

[honeybee777]

My mother and my father divoced when i was very young, my mother controlled me seeing my father, ultmatley put a restraining order on him saying he had sexually molested me, WHICH i cant stress enough, that he did not, it was acutally her father , my grandfather who did, for about 13 years, when she left my father and put this restraining order on him, I had no idea that she had done any of this, so I felt as though my father didnt love me anymore, even though we were very close when i was young and when they dicorced I freaked out, I was 7, at the same time her father, my grandfather came into our lives more, which he started molesting me, for many years, i never tols till i was 13, after i told, I started to have "seizures", which i later found out was conversion disoder, as well as PTSD , HPD, I acted out sexually with everyone, I never knew why I would do it, I would have a very good Boyfreind who treated me good, and I would sleep with his brother or best freind, and wouldnt think twice if he foudn out or not, i was very vain adn shallow, in my teenage year, but I had power over my mother when she found out about what her father did to me, so becuase of the resentment I had towards her for divoring my father , I used that power over her to get my way and from there I felt very powerful, I got into drugs very bad which led me down a horribale road......like they say in NA jails , intustions, and death, after being locked up many times in jail for stupid things, like buglery, domestic viloonce, assualt against apolice offfcier, seeling drugs and disturbution, I realaized that If i didnt try to change, I was going to end up in prision, so i began my journey of healing May 3 2001, I havent used illegal drugs since, got married ahd kids, thought i was NORMAL finally, but the seizures didnt stop, neither did my shallowness, In chruch I met a therapist, who talked to me, adn I began my journey with him in, 2005, where i found out that I had conversion disoder as well as HPD, and PTSD, bipolar 1 , the list continues, I had a nervous breakdown after the daeth of my best friend, where that triggered me back to my old ways, where i had an affair on my husband, he was very mean to me and cold, so I desisded to move on, we got back together for the kids, and as of now Im workign it out, thats my story I hope Ive helped anyone