Worn out by phone calls from my sib's creditors.

I keep getting calls from creditors looking for my brother. I always tell them that I don't have contact with him and ask them to stop calling me. They always say that they will "take my number off" the file it is on, but the calls keep coming. I am getting worn out from this. Even when I'm out of the house, my cell phone rings with creditors looking for him. This has gone on for a couple of years now.

It seems like the calls taper off for a while, then start right back up. My parents got these kind of calls up until they both died. I'm wondering: is that what I can expect?

My brother has psych diagnoses, substance abuse history, and a long history of getting in trouble with law enforcement. He gets arrested regularly for things like "aggravated assault." I haven't seen him in over a year. In the past, I tried to be helpful to him, but it always has ended in him accusing me of not treating him right. At this point, I've pretty much resigned myself to the idea that I can't really help him, and I'm better off not having any contact with him. He is aggressive and violent. I'm very happy that he has decided to stay away from me.

I wonder if there is any way to get these phone calls to stop? Maybe someone out there has gone through this. Thanks for any tips.

BTW, I have my own psych issues of depression that I cope with. I don't bother people in my family about my problems. I don't cause problems for anyone. I'm taking care of myself and living a respectable life. I'm sorry for my brother having such a messed up life, but I found that he doesn't really care much at all about me. It never seemed that I could help him. It has seemed that he has been best off when he has been locked up, either in a psych facility or a correctional facility. Last night, I dreamed he showed up outside my front door and I was afraid and wouldn't answer the door. Sorry for going off on a tangent. Mainly, I would like to not keep getting called by creditors looking for him.

My suggestion. Each time you get a call. Document the time, date, person spoken to (usually an alias) and the address and name of the agency. If you ask them if they are a credit agency, by law they must respond in the affirmative. Explain to them, send them a letter stating that they have been officially notified that they are to take your number off and make it clear that if they call again, you will be writing a letter to the State's Attorney General. All outside agency's do not like atty general complaints in the least. They have to either prove or disprove their actions. Good luck!

Something that will slow down the calls is for you to get in the habit of making the person identify who they are purpose of the call before you tell them who you are.

Example : I have 3 siblings that have had financial problems at different times. Our last name is not very common so bill collectors will call anyone with the same last name trying to trace down one of the sibs. If I receive a call they will usually ask "is this Mrs so and so?". I answer "which one there are several." You can usually tell by their answer if they are looking for you or are bill collectors. If a bill collector Then you answer that you are not the one they are looking for.

As far as cell phones go, most of them you can block the number they called from to stop the calls.

It is also helpful to not answer unknown callers at home or cell.

You can also contact your phone company. Sometimes they will change your number if you have documentation for the calls.

Good Luck!

Thank you both for the concrete suggestions. I will get a notebook for this purpose and start documenting.

We get calls from my stepson's creditors from several years ago (he's alive and well and we know where he is etc. :-) we just interrupt and say, "you have a wrong number" or, "no one by that name lives here" and hang up like any other nuisance call or, for your cell phone, not even answer if you do not recognize the number (I doubt they'll leave a message?). You do not owe them an explanation or anything, it is not your problem. I have the theory that discussing/talking with people on the other end gives them "hope" and they'll keep trying, keep hoping they can get more information?

I'm not sure it is the same credit agencies so working to get one to stop won't get others who buy the problem later to know/stop. The calling agencies just literally buy the problem at a "discount" making money on anything they can collect. If they don't make money they sell the problem down the river to the next agency for even less, etc. Sleazy business.

Thanks for the advice, Perna. I guess it's not all that uncommon a problem.

Have a phone with Caller ID, get to know their numbers, and don't answer when they call. It's better than dealing this them.

I suppose adding caller ID to my phone would not cost more than a few dollars a month. It might spare me some aggravation.

You can purchase phones with caller ID built in as well as a phone that takes messages. I don't know if that would be cheaper than purchasing the two from your provider or not. The basic policy in my home is if we don't recognize the number we don't answer. If they leave a message, we then decide whether to call back or not. Works against telemarketers too.

I already have a caller ID machine, and a phone with a built-in caller ID function. Some years back, I un-subscribed to the caller ID service from my phone company. It was costing me 6 or 7 dollars a month. I could afford to get that service back, if I really wanted it. I'm thinking about it. In my area, the phone company will not provide subscribers with caller ID equipment. They tell you that you have to purchase it yourself, which is easy enough to do. I got mine cheap at Walmart's.

Of course, as is true of lots of people, my cell phone is becoming more and more my primary phone. That has "caller ID" built in to the basic service. Maybe that's why I hate to buy bells and whistles for my land line service.

Thanks for the input.

I do not get many calls and usually know when I am expecting a call so I should have no problem not answering most calls (when we are out we don't think about it; we often don't even remember to check to see if we got any calls when we get back). I think because of our age we have been trained to answer calls when the phone rings; it can be fun/funny to deliberately not answer the phone sometimes, how hard it is because we are like trained seals going after fish Anyone who knows/cares about us is going to leave a message?

You might want to look into what your phone service provider charges now. Things have changed a lot and with cell phones providing free ID your provider services might be different now.

That's so true, Perna, about how we are reflexively conditioned to answer the phone - like we were "first responders." It's truly not that important, at all. Yes, Auntie, the charge probably is pretty nominal for the service.

Thanks, all, for the input.

Unlisted number?

I know an unlisted number can be quite effective in cutting down on nuisance calls. The down side is that I might miss a call from someone out of my past who suddenly decides to look me up. I've always told people that they can always find my number, as it has always been listed. I'ld like to keep that policy. Now and again, I have been surprised to get nice calls that I would have missed out on it I were unlisted. I'm determined not to let my brother's habit of ducking his obligations upset my way of life. The calls aren't that big of a deal. Some days I'm less in the mood for them, but it's not an everyday thing.

Basically, I resent that these creditors can legally bother relatives of a person who owes them money. If if I knew that some creditor of mine were calling up my relatives, I would be mortified. I would do whatever it took to spare my relatives that bother. I've been behind in debts at times, and I've called my creditors to explain things partly because I don't ever want by family to be bothered over problems I might be having. My brother has no such compunctions.

Creditors start calling relatives when the person they are really looking for is evading them. My brother probably has changed his home phone number and gotten it unlisted. He's shrewd about reducing the access people have to him. I wonder if he ever stops to think that he is causing me and others in our family to be plagued by these calls from his creditors. He probably knows and just doesn't care in the least.

I think the best I can do is keep the log and threaten to report repeat calls to the office of the Attorney General in my state. I suspect that it was illegal for that one creditor to call me and tell me that they thought my brother had committed fraud.

Often they leave messages with a numbers for me to call back. Maybe I can do reverse psychology and start calling those numbers incessantly. Then I can say, "How do you like it?" I guess that sounds a little nuts. The world of commerce really does have way too much easy access into our private worlds, IMHO. Coming up with that "Do not call" registry was one of the best things that the government ever did do for us. I wish it could be expanded to cover other types of callers that nobody wants to hear from. Then that might be a constraint on "free speech" that is against our traditions. So I guess the law goes as far as it reasonably can.

. . . . just kind of venting here.

I would look into whether they can "legally" do this. I believe it is considered harassment, and can be stopped. Find out. I also like the idea of "wrong number, sorry no one by that name lives here and I am not acquainted with anyone by that name."
Also, I doubt you will get a person when you call these numbers back. And, they don't care, they are not individuals at home trying to live.
I guess the ID and not answering/allowing a mess. to be left might be easiest.

You could always try this approach.......

We purchased phones from Costco that have the caller ID built in, no extra money needed. It works with no input or money laid out to anyone else.

Thanks for the posts above. That was pretty funny, Yoda. It's what a lot of these callers deserve. I have called back, winter, and those numbers are always legitimate. I call in the hope that me making one call might stop an endless stream of calls. (Not working out too good.) Wow, Maranara, you've got yourself a good deal. I didn't think it could work that way.

Unfortunately an unlisted number might cut it down for a while, but collection agencies use a number of resources to get a hold of someone. The one I used to work for actually bought information from companies who collected sales information on you. Including your phone number. So if it's unlisted, you basically couldn't give it to any business that sold your info for third-party information. They don't always skip-trace the debtor's name and address, but can get the numbers to your neighbors to ask them to give you the message to call. I really suggest you make it stop. Avoidance doesn't work all the time.

I think the more annoyed-sounding and abrupt you are with them, "You have a wrong number" and hanging up without listening to them, the less likely that agency is to call back. The second I know it is a call about something I'm not interested in, I cut in and say that and hang up (nowadays I take the nickel/cheap "gifts" that charities put in their envelopes to get me to open them and instantly trash the rest, how dare they try to manipulate my emotions that way, make me feel obligated/guilty?). Thinking of ways to get others to stop being themselves or how to get around their size/tricks, etc. keeps one tied to and thinking about them and that's what I don't want.

Perna, I don't doubt that would work for other types of calls. If I get a sales call, I ask who they are trying to get a hold of, they will usually say my name and start going into their pitch. I stop them and say that the person who they are looking for is deceased. Usually works. Collections might not work too well as if you have any activity on your credit report or such, they know it's a lie.

Reesecup - that is really true about our info being a commodity that gets sold. I am getting more leery about giving out info in exchange for free gift coupons. They're not really free at all.

One creditor told me about something called the Federal Data Base. He said creditors use that. I don't know what that is.

Reesecup, it is not Rose's creditors but her brothers; they don't have anything on her/aren't talking to her about herself and what she does/does not owe but are trying to find her brother so they can get to him. Rose has no obligation to help them with that. I do not care who someone is trying to call; if you call my phone, I am in charge of who I want to talk to. You have less than a sentence usually to get me to care If you do not give me your name and "agency" and purpose of your call (quickly/no nonsense and in that order), I'll interrupt you in a heartbeat with "Not interested" and hang up on you.

My kitchen is right inside my front door and there's the kitchen garbage/trash can right inside the kitchen door, right inside my front door. I get the mail and stand over that transhcan and weed out the "mail" from what I do not want. If I don't want it, it does not get more than 2 feet into my house :-) I do the same with my phones; my phone is for my convenience and use, not that of the people calling me.

Maybe if it were some type of government money you owe? Other than that, I'm not sure there is a clearing house federally for debtor information. The only thing I can think of that resembles a federal database is the credit reporting agencies?

Any time you sign up for a drawing for a possible prize, respond to anything basically that gives out your information, buy something with credit, when registering a product. Anything that asks you for personal type of information in a sales transaction, the information is bought by companies who sort data and sell to other companies.

If a collection agency buys this information, they know a lot about you. Neighbors, people you know that info you might have added to something such as a relative or friend. Sometimes even the type and amount of animals you have. They, of course will normally know your income and at least some of your assets. This is from all the various sources they have.

The only thing I can think of that a basic collector would not know is maybe bank account balances?

Enough to make you paranoid, isn't it'