[BipolarMama31]

Hi, this is my first post

I was diagnosed with bipolar 4 years ago. I was in and out of in patient and out patient programs in addition to on going therapy and regular visits with pdocs.

I have worked for the same company for 6 years, but during that time I've missed about 2.5 years combined for medical leave having to due with my mental state.

I've been out of work now for over a month again due to depression this time.

So my question is, for those on SSDI, did the decision to make that change make you happier?
I can afford the pay cut without a huge change to my life or my family. So if it doesn't come down to money, will this be a good choice?

I've tried so hard (and failed) at working, getting promoted and succeeding at my company over the past 6 years that I'm wondering, is the stress from my job even worth it?

Please share your experiences

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[Skeezyks]

Hello BipolarMama31: The Skeezyks cannot comment with regard to your questions. However, since this is your first post, he just wanted to say... welcome to PsychCentral! May you find the time you spend here to be of benefit.

[lilypup]

I am much happier on SSDI. I am 56 and told everyone I "early retired". Like you, the cut in pay was not significant to our lifestyle. I also was able to get private disability that my employer had.
Make sure your pdoc will support you in obtaining SSDI. Without his approval you will not get it.
My advice is to get a lawyer from Day One.
I was approved for both disabilities on the first try.

[BipolarMama31]

Thank you for the replies. After a therapy session today, I've decided to start gathering the past few years of medical history this week and finding a lawyer.
Is the best bet to get paperwork help from my primary or psychologist?

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[Rose76]

Get help from both. Actually, the best person to get help from, IMHO, is an attorney.

I'm on SSDI. In ways my life is better now - less anxiety about finances. In other ways, my life is worse. I get apathetic and lethargic. I don't sleep well. I feel cut off from life.

[Nammu]

Just wanted to welcome you.

[lilypup]

Mama,
The best way to get help is to start with the attorney. An assistant will likely handle your whole case unless you get denied. Then the attorney comes in.
As I recall, when the docs fill out the paperwork, they attach records. So you should not have to gather up too much.
Make an appointment to see your docs to have them fill out the paperwork. Make a 30 minute appt and pay them. Have them fill it out with you sitting there. It is highly unlikely they will do a great job if you ask them to fill it out on their own time. Plus they can ask you questions as they fill it out.
You will likely have an interview with a doc from SSDI. Be REALLY honest with them. Don't over or under exaggerate your symptoms and situation.

[bounceback]

I have been on disability for quite awhile. If you are used to working it is kind of hard to be on disability because you kind of lose your routine. Plus finding stuff to keep busy can be challenging on other hand it is nice not to have to deal with people who like to tear others down and a lot less stress. It is a double-edged sword really.

[BipolarMama31]

Update: I had all records from the past 5 years from before the diagnosis until May 2016 submitted. I have an attorney.
But, I got the denial letter in the mail today.
I spoke with the attorney who is going to appeal, or whatever the next step is.

Is it because I'm younger? Idk, makes no sense to me the rationale behind this denial.

But luckly i have disability insurance to cover me for 2 and a half years so im not stressing about finances during this time. I recommend everyone who is able to get disability insurance to get it! It is literally what is saving my life right now.

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[BipolarMama31]

Update: just got second denial letter today.

I am in IOP dbt. I see 2 psych drs. And i just got results of a thyroid issue.

Still denied me.

Next step is a hearing it says. Ugh i was dreading this!

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[BeyondtheRainbow]

Sorry this is so hard and taking so long for you. Hopefully the hearing is the final step for you and you'll get approved easily at that. Do you know how long before the hearing?

[BipolarMama31]

No just got the letter today, so i will contact my lawyer tomorrow.

Im so nervous about it because, how do you SHOW mental illness. If its a depressed day, ill obviously look down, but what if im manic? Manic comes across as hyper and able to do stuff.

Im getting anxiety about it.

Im guessing for my area the hearing will probably be in 3 - 5 months from what ive heard.

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[Rose76]

Hi Mama,

Sorry you've gone through 2 disappointments. Being relatively young does work against you. The good news is this: If your attorney didn't feel pretty confident that he could get you approved at the hearing stage, he never would have taken the case. Unless you get approved, he won't make any money. He knows what it takes to get approved, and he figures your medical history will warrant an approval eventually. Otherwise, he wouldn't even bother with you.

It's even possible that your attorney has not given this his very best effort - yet. The longer it takes to get you approved, the bigger the back payment that Social Security will owe you . . . and the bigger his cut will be. A lot of lawyers feel that way, so don't take it as too far amiss for him (or her) to have had that strategy.

It sounds like you may be thinking that the administrative judge at the hearing will be studying your behavior/demeanor to think whether or not you seem employable. The judge is not really going to play amateur-psychiatrist. The judge is going to carefully look at the opinions submitted by the psychiatrists and at how they point to a psychological problem that interferes with you working. Your mood on the particular day of the hearing isn't really relevant.

If SSA sends you to one of their contracted psychiatrists remember this: Your job is not to convince the pdoc that you are bipolar. (Lots of bipolar people have successful careers and work till they're 75 years old.) Your job is to relate clearly how your your emotional problems interferred with you working. Don't give generic information that is characteristic of bipolars as a group. Forget words like "bipolar," "depressed" and "manic." Speak about specific experiences you had . . . like - "I broke down sobbing at work when the supervisor judged my performance negatively." or "I got irritable often and blew up with at some of my co-workers." Not being able to get along effectively with people on the job is one of the biggest reasons that will help you get approved for disability. It's hard to admit unflattering things about yourself. But those are often the very things that really constitute your disability.

People unfairly blame the SSA for making it hard to get approved as having a psychiatric disabilty. The real problem, IMHO, is that applicants want to have their cake and eat it too. They want to believe, "I'm a lovely, responsible, decent person who tries hard and lives up to high standards and tends to be very fair toward everyone around me." AND "I can't hold a job." The brutal truth is that both those things are unlikely to be simultaneously 100% true.

I got approved in three months. I had to get real because I was facing homelessness, if I didn't get approved quickly. So I wrote down on that 13 page thing you fill out some gritty descriptions of how I interacted with others on some jobs and it was pretty clear why I was having trouble holding a job. I related how badly I broke down in front of other people when work conditions were stressful. I decided not to feel humiliated about the truth of who I am and how badly I've coped with the demands of being employed. I coped as best I knew how, but I clearly had inadequate coping patterns, which, at my age, were unlikely to change through getting some more therapy. That honesty got me approved in record-breaking time, even though doctors weren't even sure how to diagnose me. Plus, I had a 30 year paper trail of diligently seeking help through medication and therapy.

Good luck with the hearing. Let us know how it goes. I said, in a post above, that I was not that happy in my current status. It turned out that when I wrote that, back in April, I was actually quite sick with a serious physical problem that neither I, nor my doctors knew about. That's being successfully treated, and I feel pretty well now. (Not lethargic and now sleeping well.)

[Tucson]

My judge made his decision before the court date. I was missing an income statement that is required to qualify. This helped add up the quarters I worked consecutively. I have been on disability for fifteen years now. I find that I have mixed feelings about it. The stress levels are usually very low, but I was used to working. There is no structure, much of the time spent looking at four walls, and small problems can now stress me out. Financial problems are a concern of mine. I used to make three times of what I receive on disability. I miss the challenges.

The judge will need to be convinced that you cannot function on any type of job, including being a janitor who pushes a broom. You cannot do any form of work. However, with the correct documentation, and with an attorney, the chances are the best for you. I think having at least one hospitalization helps. There is a periodic review by Social Security by a doctor that works for them.

In the future, you can work but within limitations of income earned. They can also look at the amount of hours you work. I am now getting paid to look after my mother who is in the advanced stages of dementia. This arrangement with her insurance company is helping me pay off debt. This always has been a continuous worry of mine. So I am feeling less stressed.

Tucson

[BipolarMama31]

Thanks for the advice and experiences everyone.

My lawyer is sending me that really long packet to fill out for the third time now. And then they will file the request for the hearing. My lawyer said it takes 22 to 24 months in our area. I was way off.

Ive been hospitalized. Ive been in IOP 3 times, including now. The week before i stopped working i got in such a huge argument with my boss that i was close to termination for misconduct. All mood disorder related.

Ive been out of work as of next week for 6 months, and i am still changing meds weekly to get better. Im not better now than i was 6 months ago.

In the past 6 years ive been out of work 3 of them sporadically, including the past 6 months and a 6 month stretch in 2012. I am no asset to any employer.

I can baerly make it out of bed, let alone make any decisions or interact with people. My mom moved 600 miles last month to be close to me bc i need so much support.

I am just frustrated. But it is what it is, and ill keep trying.

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[Tucson]

Hang in there!

Tucson

[Unrigged64072835]

I can't say I'm happy on SSDI, because I would rather have my job back. However, it's less stress for me financially. I also have disability retirement from my job and VA, so it's enough to make the mortgage and pay the bills. I don't have to work but I would like to find something that I can enjoy to fill up the time.

[Nammu]

Originally Posted by Fharraige

I can't say I'm happy on SSDI, because I would rather have my job back. However, it's less stress for me financially. I also have disability retirement from my job and VA, so it's enough to make the mortgage and pay the bills. I don't have to work but I would like to find something that I can enjoy to fill up the time.

I've had quite rewarding volunteer jobs. I was a peer adviser for PAIMI, worked at my local library, and best of all was a volunteer for the no kill animal shelter in the special care unit for sick cats, kittens and puppies. The special care unit was off limits to visitors only staff and volunteers were allowed which made it ideal and much less stressful. At least I did that before my back went out, now I just watch tv and read books...the volunteering was better. You are in control of the hours and how much you work.

Good luck, Mama. Don't stress. I think the attorney will help you get approved. It can take awhile.

I was one of those that got approved in three months. I applied via the website. I'm grateful for SSDI. I cannot work anymore.

[Aviza]

I was on it and am now back to work. 2007 to 2015 on disability basically. I went to college and obtained a degree. Worked various temp jobs. I was in my 30s but honestly if I didn't need to be on it at the time no way would I recommend it.

People in my family wanted me to stay on disability. The pressure of oh you don't want to lose your disability is pretty consistent. Honestly it's a stepping stone. I needed to recover mentally and basically have. Frustrated with employment lack of permanence and desire to get away from mom's house pushed me into cons arms. I was done. Now I am 42 basically restarting. But I'd rather be working. Idle minds are restless. It was there when I need it and now I don't.

[BipolarMama31]

Thanks everyone.

Aviza- thats how i feel. I need it now. I REALLY do. But im 25. I dont want it to be my life.
I want to have time to get better.
I cant function now. I cant do anything.

But someday i want to comtinue my career and have an impact on this world. I just cant NOW.

And i feel confused when they deny me, because i know what im going thru and i need this support.

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[uknowhatimean]

SSDI is a tricky balance between having some financial and healthcare needs met, but also maintaining a sense of purpose. Working while on disability is a joke. If you are someone who wants to work pt the issue of staying under the minimum, collecting disability and maintaining some self-esteem among your peers is a tough place to be. Still. Disability does not have to be to be the final stop. Even though the that is the standard take. Esp. when it was so hard to get in the first place. Tomorrow's a new dawn!

[BipolarMama31]

Thanks for the replies!

So ive been approved thru private insurance for long term disability until aug 2018. What a HUGE relief.

Now im focusing on having a new career in 2 years. If i get ssdi or not, i still have 2 years to figure out myself and if ill be able to work in the future. And, im not feeling trapped by ssdi security blanket and still motivated to learn a new skill or trade.

[eyesclosed]

Hi Bi-Polar mama the second one is usually denied too. Unless u have some type of new illness it's normal I can't remember the name of the form it's more like reconsideration request. 33% are only approved the first time.The appeal 66% of the time. I was just denied. How many years have u worked ? If u can do any type of work at all equal to your benefit rate they will deny u. the doctors don't decide but what records they look at. Mental health is especially difficult. I hope u don't use one of the big law firms who advertise if we don't win u pay nothing. They will still charge sometimes for medical records and remember the longer it takes the more they make. I just am being truthful if u have medication that actually works then u might not get it. On the positive side I never looked at your profile . So I probably should not have commented , But I went this far so any other questions let me know. The problem they don't understand yet is the medication side affects and your medication doesn't always work . This is a real problem for us.

[BipolarMama31]

Thanks for replying!!

So im just waiting now.
And actually a new problem was found.
35% of my thyroid is dead. And i have a nodule.
A biopsy was done this week and i should start meds next week.

So ill be telling this to my lawyer.

And no, i used a local lawyer. And yes, i totally get, the longer it goes, the more they get paid. Which is a messed up system, but whatever.

So im hoping there is a process to review my new condition without actually having to go in front of a judge, but idk if that exists.