I Live in Poverty. Do you?

Oh - okay, I see that this thread is on the Finances board. That's fine, too!

Started at the lowest employee level of the contract/department and am now the highest paid of that contract's/department's employees.

Edit: to add clarification. My boss is not on that contract although she's the same department.

Speaking of meals, there had been times that my employee meal benefit was my only meal and I've been creative at home with recipes. Not having been too proud to receive staples from my church either, they would come to my home.

Though today, I'm not in need of charity, I'm still aware of where these two communities offer food to many. There's more than one location in the community that I currently live in. Where I work, I've been part of a Food Rescue program as assisting the volunteers in a limited capacity, for instance ensuring the bags, etc are diverted effectively.

I was on SSI until I married my husband. Never qualified for SSDI because I didn't work long enough before becoming disabled.

Poverty is a hard cycle to break out of. If I hadn't married a man with a middle-class income, I don't know if I could ever have done it. Part of the problem is that the systems in place are designed to keep you dependent. Try to improve your circumstances, and some social worker somewhere is going to warn you not to. I can't count how many times I was warned I shouldn't try to get a job, or I might lose my SSI.

You're allowed to make some income on SSI before the check stops. Also, you can always get that check back again, if the job doesn't work out. But some people are led to believe, whether on purpose or not, that any income at all means your check instantly and permanently stops. If your condition worsens, too bad for you. You'll never see that check again. If you thought that was how it worked, wouldn't you be afraid to even try? Well, it doesn't work like that, but I've been in mental health programs where the staff would lead their clientele to believe it works like that. People were terrified to even look for a part-time minimum wage job. When I took one myself, I was actually told I was doing a stupid thing, rather than being congratulated on trying to improve my situation.

Sometimes people just don't do the math. I'll use round numbers for easy calculation. I don't even know what the actual figures are now, since I haven't been on SSI in ten years. So let's say I draw $600 a month. Then I get a part-time job making $1200 a month. They don't do anything about the first $100, but then for every two dollars on top of that, they take one dollar out of my check. So that's an overage of $1100, which would be $550 that they pull out. Now they're sending me a check for $50, in addition to the $1200 I'm earning. That's $1250 total, as opposed to the $600 I used to get, and I've still got my Medicaid. But ALL some people are going to look at is, "Oh, my gosh, they took almost my whole check! I better stop working!"

I was even warned not to marry my husband. If I did, I'd lose my Section 8 housing. Hello! That's the whole point! I don't need it anymore! Wouldn't it be better for me to live with my husband in a house we own, and save that Section 8 apartment for somebody who doesn't have other options?

I grew up in poverty....120-year old tenement house with roaches and rats, a criminal neighbor (who molested me and my sister), snow came in thru one crack in the wall...no phone, car, refrigerator, tub or shower....violent mother physically and verbally and I never knew my father (divorce)... I joined the army right out of high school and have been going ever since (divorced after 31 years of abuse); wrote my life story and won a scholarship at 60 and am a Sophomore at 70! Wrote a poetry book and my memoir. xoxo

So sorry to hear of your struggles. I can't imagine living that way. I am glad you found a way out.

And good for you!!! That is Excellent! What is the name of your memoir? Is it online to be purchased? You have put a great big smile on my face!!

There are links in my signature. I was told not to make a formal announcement, but that I could put it in my signature. But I just now thought, maybe some people don't have signatures visible, to save screen space. Do you?

I did not forget about this thread, only been busy.

To answer your question, HappyCrafter...budgeting money is simple, yet somehow it seems so unattainable.

I am not the person who "sets aside a few dollars here and there". I've tried and only found myself dipping into it because hey, this pressing matter is why I've saved aimlessly in the first place.

I have to have an end goal in mind or why bother saving. But once I commit to that goal, I am relentless on focusing on that goal and constantly reminding myself why I'm saving in the first place and where I'd be if I didn't. It takes a lot of discipline, but to have an immediate end goal in mind that means something to you and has a date to say "I'll be saving XYZ until Christmas" is important. Having a date is important because it helps figure out how much you need to save every paycheck. And it's okay to not reach that goal in time, but if you never started where would you be?

Sorry, I felt that wasn't helpful. My mind is so restless today.

Well, thank YOU, glad I put a smile on your face. My memoir (Ghost Child to Triumph--from a child with no voice,to someone who speaks up against injustice) isn't online (doing it the old-fashioned way);' if you pm me I will let you know how to get it. xo!

Noone had phones, cars, refrigerators or showers in my childhood neighbourhood, so I'm reading and going - whoah did people really have all that stuff? My dad worked one full-time job and two part-time jobs at the same time - and organised community events around music, playacting, crafts and stuff. No tv or internet to waste time.
Mum and me grew all our food and eggs - just meat one day a week and a box of sugar, flour essentials. Only heating in the dining room, and clothes hung all winter over the stove in the kitchen.

They lacked ease. I don't think ease was even a remote place in their imagination. Just drive on, keep the roof on, take care of the old people.

I didn't think that was poverty. But once I got a scholarship to a fancy school, teachers started nagging me about my socks being the wrong colour, my homework book not being immaculate AND especially about my long hair being untidy. I didn't feel ashamed of my family, I just thought that the teachers were scary and crazy.

The poverty was noone confronting my dad about his extreme violence because he had also grown up with a dad and a boss (when he left school at 13) who were violent men... "because he was such a good provider".

Then more recently poverty for me was about not having any food at all but still having to pay local tax or have my stuff repossessed. The stress of being hungry, having a pot of pennies on the mantle piece, of having to walk everywhere or never being able to accept a social invitation, of never being able to make one single budget mistake or the whole month would be in ruins.

It's the constant anxiety of poverty, and not being able to get on help programs because I don't have kids so I don't qualify for needing food.

Now for the time being I'm ok, and I'm very grateful!

I think it's difficult to become ok because improving finances requires a lot of slog and hoping for the best despite the hard evidence. Hope is hard to keep hold of when you don't have food in your belly.

And people in my current neighbourhood help more to people who appear affluent like they are. I feel excluded from consumer conversations. I feel VERY lucky to no longer live in a desperate neighbourhood where you are kept awake by violence all night, but fancy neighbourhoods can be sad too because of the general thoughtlessness and entitled behaviours

Great Topic!!!

Yep I am living in poverty and wish I wasn't.

No matter how much I try to pull myself up there has been many barriers in my way leaving me in this poverty trap as I have called it.

I have complex trauma from my childhood. Became disabled 17 yrs ago because of it. With that I got SSDI and useless medicare.

Prior becoming disabled my life was very different. I was middle class and it was really living the dream looking back. I had a good job I was with for 15 yrs, had a nice savings acct, 401k, was very well regarded in my field and by my coworkers. Had the house the car and lost all that when I became disabled just trying to stay afloat waiting for the disability to be approved.

I don't even know that person I used to be seems so distant of where I am today.

If anyone who has been disabled with medicare for mental illness will know back in the early 2000s the co pay's were very high 40% to be exact. To see a therapist it was $300 and 40% co-pay was too much on such limited income. To see the therapist 4x a month at that rate would cost $480.
Little math 800$ a month SSDI (early 2000s) Rent 600 + medicare prem +100 =$700. $100 left for the month. There was no room in this constricting budget to do therapy. So I opted to go the medication route. It was more cost effective I thought initially. $50 4 times a year to see a Psych doc was all I could afford. It was the biggest mistakes of my life going that route. Going to make this part short as I can. As a result of taking many different psych meds it caused me to grind my teeth bad. I would report it back t doc and they switched to another and the grinding continued. In 2007 the damage was beyond repair with my teeth from these meds and I had to have them all removed. I had a charity remove the teeth as I learned Medicare covered no dental and did not qualify for Medicaid. The charity that removed the teeth had me set up with another program for dentures and unfortunately they lost funding so no dentures. This is where I learned there is two sides of being poor. A few dollars separated me from getting medicaid.
that would of helped me immensely. It has all the things medicare lacks!!!!!

**side note 2008 the mental health parity law changed those 40% co-pays to 20% + included Medicare advantage plan - that did not help with the dental nor was it cost effective for therapy copays** Side rant it amazes me the SSA grants a disability and gives a insurance that pays little to no coverage for the disability granted? yet I am the crazy one in their eyes?? IMO those continuing disability reviews need to be more frequent and do more thorough reviews to make sure the people are getting the proper treatments.

Moving forward 2018. Still no teeth. I am the poster child of what poverty looks like with the absence of teeth. I have been the brunt of jokes and dirty looks and it wears at ones self esteem. It is hard going into the world with no teeth. It has made my anxiety worse of how mean people have been. It leaves me very isolated I have no friends (no family - cut ties too toxic yrs ago) I can not get a job. Recently I submitted a resume for a job that was perfect for me. The employer was eager to meet with me. However that fell apart because of the teeth issue. I have not been in a relationship in over 8 yrs hard to date with no teeth. So that need of closeness and connectedness has been absent for so many yrs. It's hard for me to relate to people these days being I am so far pushed to the fringes of society by this poverty. I feel judged by neighbors I see them leave in morning and come home later in the day and I did absolutely nothing with my day. I miss that feeling of being productive, earning my own money and being apart of this society...

In retrospect and being a survivor of abuse and was able to get away from all that of my past.... the biggest abuser TODAY is this damn system. It gripe is tighter on me...I fight everyday (medicare/medicaid/ssa etc) I can not break free from it as badly as I want to be independent as I was so many yrs ago.

imo poverty is another form of trauma

Thank you for the links! I never thought about screen space. Mine is visible. Yes, we can't say I JUST published this or that, LOL Understandably, we focus on the topics and sharing help if we can.

(((((((((((((((((((((((((Saidso)))))))))))))))))))))))))))))) I hear you. What was your scholarship in? I am sorry you had to go through that, plus your father being violent. Is he still alive and do you have contact with your family?
I agree, poverty anxiety is constant. With no changes to look forward to, every day blends into each other and they become a long blur of depression. That is how it has been for me at times.

I am glad you no longer live in a violent neighborhood. Can't imagine what that must have felt like. I would have been cowering in my bedroom.

Some people do take a lot for granted and assume everyone is like them. But, if you are different or, worse, in poverty, you may no longer exist, as far as they are concerned.

Oh, honey!!! ((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((anxiety247)))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))) I am so sorry to hear about what your life is like. I hear you; poverty is another form of abuse. It is hard enough trying to make it from one month to the next, not to mention the attitude of strangers belittling others.

I can get Medicaid but I would have to pay 235 a month for it. That is nuts. I could get a Medigap policy for less. I have to do without because I can't afford either.

I am so sorry about your teeth. I worry about losing my teeth. I know they are rotting because every so often, I can taste mold in my mouth. And, I know it isn't what I am eating.

I love this thread! Thank you for starting it!

I haven't read through all of the posts yet, but I'm so glad to see this thread. I just need to vent a little...or alot lol.

I know for a FACT that living in poverty has really been a struggle for me. When I was little I didn't know that we lived in poverty (my aunt's Ramen noodles was always a delicacy to me lol), but as kids pick up on things, I just knew that that money was a big issue in our family (I realize now that I had some MAJOR confusion as a kid because (among other confusing things) I was poor and black from the "hood," and my elementary school years were spent at an affluent predominantly white Catholic school. Oh how I'm teased to this day because I "act white" etc). I remember when my mom was alive. When I was about twelve I asked her if I could borrow some money because I understood that money was a big deal, and I wanted to be able to pay her back. She actually had to tell me that I was her daughter and I didn't need to "borrow" money. I ask for it and she gives it end of story. That really blew my mind lol.

Then cut to my early adulthood and I"m a young poor black woman surrounded by affluent friends. Somewhere in my head I didn't get that my friends and I were different because of the wealth gaps between us (I'm sure for many reasons I didn't understand and due to trauma I'm only just now starting to understand myself better). I lived with a friend who's dad was a doctor and they took me in because my home was terrible. I guess somewhere along the line I started to believe that the "American Dream" was for me too. I have no idea. But I had champagne dreams on a beer budget lol. It took me a VERY long time to accept that hey...I'm poor...and I don't know if any amount of pulling myself up by the boot straps is going to help that lol.

Cut to my early twenties and my brief stint in community college. I REALLY struggled with being in poverty (especially since after I moved in with my friend with the doctor dad who was ironically enough living paycheck to paycheck albeit in a different way than my family, I never had a reliable living situation. I moved once a year for about five years. I was always on edge waiting for my current living situation to be over...having no idea how to be a responsible adult.) I was trying to work and go to school, which was enormously stressful. I had no money which was enormously stressful. I mean I was emotionally torn because that was the first time I considered government assistance and was thinking about applying for food stamps. Talk about embarrassed!!!

Here I was a young black woman having to go on food stamps. I did NOT want to be a statistic (and it didn't help that one of my college teachers said it looked like I could be on welfare in class one day. It was a communications class and he was talking about the judgments we make about people. Ouch).

Then with everything that was going on in my early twenties I landed smack in the middle of a mental breakdown that I'm still recovering from. I've watched people I've known before buy houses, marry, have kids...and here I was. Living with my grandma on government assistance and mentally ill.

Thank Yah that I'm no longer living with my grandma, and I'm out of a very dysfunctional and abusive family dynamic...but I'm still broke as a joke lol. Everything I get is because of government assistance (which is scary because laws change and I could lose everything. not even considering the fact that you have to stay pretty much broke to receive assistance).

I'm on SSDI, food stamps, Medicare (I had Medicaid before they said my income was too high...and I REALLY don't get that much from my disability check), in subsidized housing, almost all of my new clothes came from the free store or thrift store (which I don't mind I love thrifting) or someone bought it or it was a donation made to the building I live in. My monthly grocery trips include going on my usual food pantry stops. I have nothing really. No savings, property, nothing.

But you know what surprises me the most? I'm as snug as a bug in a rug! I couldn't be MORE grateful that I have what I have. I'm finally safe and have time to heal. I'm learning about myself in ways I never knew, and I'm SO blessed!

Maybe, although I do get a little anxious about being poor, I'm so content because I've never had money? I don't know. A family friend jokes that black people have never really had anything in this country (she's in her 70's and grew up poor in Arkansas) so when the economy crashes we just keep on doing what we always did lol). I have no idea.

But it's just so nice to be able to talk about it and know that I"m not the only one struggling in poverty. I know the poverty struggle can feel crippling (as someone mentioned it's not just material poverty either), but I know I'm not alone. I think I lost my train of thought a bit with this post lol...I was just so happy to see this thread. Thanks for starting it HappyCrafter!

I'm so happy that you have your writing...I've always wanted to be a writer, but I think I like the idea of being an ARTISTE rather than actually producing work lol. Though, I sometimes wonder if I just have arrested developments towards creativity because of trauma.

Do you find technological advancements helpful for generating income for your writing? When I was going through my latest "trying to find a career" phase lol I saw so many online resources for writers.

Thank you for mentioning that it's not always the person in poverty and what they're going through. I used to be really ashamed of being in poverty. Like I mentioned in my previous post I never wanted to be a "statistic" (that portrayal of the poor black woman on welfare and food stamps etc.) I really blamed myself for not being able to get myself together and have a job, nice place, car, and all that kind of stuff. Sometimes I get really confused on how people can afford to do anything. But I think you're right a lot of it is just that the system is messed up.

For instance, the government wants to see people go back to work. But in my situation I live in subsidized housing and can't go to school while I'm doing so. So, I can't really get an education to hopefully get better work to get out of poverty. Also, if you start to somehow get any extra money your rent goes up or you could lose benefits. It's certainly difficult to get ahead under such conditions.

(Sigh) Yeah, the inner dialogue bit is tough huh? One of my biggest struggles is not seeing myself as an invalid because I'm "mentally ill." I'm not really sure how to believe the doctors who say mental illness isn't a death sentence but I've got a disease for life and could have multiple hospital stays...but I've got to keep fighting.

I so get what you're saying here! I know I look poor to the world, but I feel like I live in lap of luxury most of the time lol. I'm so blessed.

Hmm...sad but true. The only times I really saw nice things growing up (and now) was because the men in the family were drug dealers.

My grandmother did work her way through college though gaining a Master's degree. Sadly, due to many reasons I'm sure, she has no more savings.

I must say though that though we were poor when I was growing up I always had a roof over my head, clothes on my back, and food in my stomach. Even if I was lacking in love, support, and encouragement.

Thank you for sharing your story! I'm so happy that you found your passion. It's encouraging that some people find a passion after not having one.

It's been a huge struggle for me that, for many reasons maybe, I just don't have a passion/can't decide on a career or job. Severe depression caused me to drop out of high school. I did eventually get a G.E.D. There was a brief stint in community college, and I've probably thought I was "passionate" about almost every career known to man lol.

Now, I have no idea. I don't really want to go back to school. If I did I don't know what I'd study anyway. I'm like lost when it comes right down to it. I'm told that I'm smart, but I don't think I'm cut out for school. I don't know.

My heart goes out to you so much, and I'm so sorry to hear about what you're going through. I can relate in some ways.

I know that the strain of poverty was just another reason for my breakdown. Traumatic it is indeed.

Oh, honey! I can learn so much from you! I thank you for sharing about your life. BIG warn hug to you!! xoxox

That's another reason why I'm so happy you started this thread! I think we can all learn a little from each other...gotta love this forum.

BIG warm hug to you!!!