[zobothehobo]

TheSeamster's post about being daring enough to wear xyr pronouns tag got me thinking...

how does everyone handle pronoun/name corrections? I've got this personal olicy that if I hear someone mispronoun me, I state the correct form of whichever set they usually use (most often zay/zir/zirs/zirself) and ask that they restate their statement with the correct form of the pronouns...

But it's getting really hard to get people to actually re-state their statements... And I'm curious how other people handle this problem with people they're already out to?

[Bill3]

But it's getting really hard to get people to actually re-state their statements.

Even if people are willing to listen, they might resent being required to actually restate their statements.

[TheSeamster]

I'm a more passive aggressive type myself, I simply state my pronoun whenever someone misgenders me. I understand wanting them to re-state themselves. They probably just don't like being told they said something wrong and have to say it again (kinda lazy to be honest).

Honestly, asking them to restate the,aelves forces them to recognize you and stop misgendering you.

I'm the more quiet and reserved type, so I just kind of pop into the conversation to correct someone. And usually they'll stutter and repeat the last few words they said along with the correct pronoun.

[zobothehobo]

Originally Posted by Bill3

Even if people are willing to listen, they might resent being required to actually restate their statements.

i'm sure they do. But i mean 1. practice makes perfect. I have unusual pronouns and they're never going to get it right if they don't practice. and 2. respect. respect is letting the last thing out of your mouth be the correct and respectful wording. respect is letting the last thing heard in the group be respectful. respect is not letting an encounter happen disrespectfully. and 3. the more people hear the statements said by someone not me in correct wording, it becomes more normalized and easier to adapt into speech.

[zobothehobo]

Originally Posted by TheSeamster

Honestly, asking them to restate the,aelves forces them to recognize you and stop misgendering you.

this right here. Asking them to restate themselves forces them to recognize me as me and stop misgendering me.

And I know people don't like being asked to restate themselves... but you'll learn about me real quick, I have trans comfort and safety prioritized far above cis comfort and feelings.

It's easy for cis people to look past my pronouns as weird and stupid. I mean I've gotten to the point where I accept they although I really don't like it and it makes me feel weird and uncomfortable because sometimes it's easier to have the singular they fight than it is to have the made up pronouns fight. but i mean it's really easy for people to ignore me when I say "please use zay/zir/zirs/zirself, fie/fire/fires/fireself, or zyd/zys/zydself pronouns for me." 1. because unless they've been taught before they usually have no idea what that is so they just move over the information and 2. because they're odd and the first times you use them without practice, they're awkward.

It's easy in conversation for cis people to just pretend I don't have alternate pronouns and just use feminine ones. I look feminine, my voice is feminine, my actions feel feminine because many of them knew me as a girl beforehand and those that didn't usually forgot or ignored my talk of my gender when I fist met them. And then when I correct them, it's easy for them to not acknowledge that correction has happened and to move on without a thought about me, my gender, and my pronouns. So I have to break how easy it is. There's a beautiful chapter from the book about cis gender politics called "Untying the Gender Knot" about social change... and it talks about the idea of the "paths of least resistance." We're all taught paths of least resistance to take in social situations. These paths maintain and sometimes create inequality. And it is the job of the social activist to try to break these paths when they can. It's uncomfortable and scary and it makes others uncomfortable. But breaking these paths is necessary for social change of any scale. So I break the paths in my life by asking people to restate so that respect of trans identities, and more specifically, respect of me, gets handled in that moment. Because if not, they'll never practice, they'll never acknowledge, and they'll get to go on living and pretending like I'm cis when I'm not.

[TheSeamster]

Originally Posted by zobothehobo

this right here. Asking them to restate themselves forces them to recognize me as me and stop misgendering me.

And I know people don't like being asked to restate themselves... but you'll learn about me real quick, I have trans comfort and safety prioritized far above cis comfort and feelings.

It's easy for cis people to look past my pronouns as weird and stupid. I mean I've gotten to the point where I accept they although I really don't like it and it makes me feel weird and uncomfortable because sometimes it's easier to have the singular they fight than it is to have the made up pronouns fight. but i mean it's really easy for people to ignore me when I say "please use zay/zir/zirs/zirself, fie/fire/fires/fireself, or zyd/zys/zydself pronouns for me." 1. because unless they've been taught before they usually have no idea what that is so they just move over the information and 2. because they're odd and the first times you use them without practice, they're awkward.

It's easy in conversation for cis people to just pretend I don't have alternate pronouns and just use feminine ones. I look feminine, my voice is feminine, my actions feel feminine because many of them knew me as a girl beforehand and those that didn't usually forgot or ignored my talk of my gender when I fist met them. And then when I correct them, it's easy for them to not acknowledge that correction has happened and to move on without a thought about me, my gender, and my pronouns. So I have to break how easy it is. There's a beautiful chapter from the book about cis gender politics called "Untying the Gender Knot" about social change... and it talks about the idea of the "paths of least resistance." We're all taught paths of least resistance to take in social situations. These paths maintain and sometimes create inequality. And it is the job of the social activist to try to break these paths when they can. It's uncomfortable and scary and it makes others uncomfortable. But breaking these paths is necessary for social change of any scale. So I break the paths in my life by asking people to restate so that respect of trans identities, and more specifically, respect of me, gets handled in that moment. Because if not, they'll never practice, they'll never acknowledge, and they'll get to go on living and pretending like I'm cis when I'm not.

yes yes yes, a thousand times yes. Everything here needs to be bolded and posted everywhere. Trans safety and feelings above cis comfort. Practice makes perfect with pronouns.