I'm posting quite a bit today. The reason is it helps to keep me from thinking about what's happening. Also, as anyone who has read my posts knows, I use lots of smilies. I LOVE smilies! But there's also a serious reason I use them. Fiddling with them also helps to take my mind off what's going on with me. For me, it's not all that different from hair-pulling or skin-picking.

It feels like there has been a fundamental shift today. Suddenly I feel overwhelmed by my Gender Identity Disorder. Of course, it's always there... hovering... But today, especially this afternoon, it feels different. It feels like... like... like my psychotic fraternal twin sister (the one who never developed physically, but who resides within my psyche- I've written about her in previous posts...) like she's escaped her padded cell & is preparing to lay waste to us both.

One of the ways that I always know I'm going seriously downhill is I begin to imagine perhaps there really is such a thing as reincarnation &, if I were to die, I might be able to come back a girl. I know it's ridiculous. But every time I nosedive that thought starts coming up over-&-over. It's here now. I wish there were someone I could talk with. I wish there were something I could do. But there's not. I just have to wait. More than likely it will pass. And if it doesn't... well... I guess I'll cross that bridge when I come to it.

[Travelinglady]

How are you feeling now, The Skeezyks?

Originally Posted by Travelinglady

How are you feeling now, The Skeezyks?

Hi Travelinglady: Thanks for inquiring! Boy, the past few days have been odd. I think I'll write a post about it in the Transgender Forum... I don't feel particularly depressed. I think I'm kind of in that state I like to refer to as: "dull acceptance". It's just sort-of a state where I know things just have to remain what they are & I feel like I can live with it. That's pretty-much as good as it gets for me. So I guess I'd have to say I'm okay.

[unaluna]

I know its bad when i get really freakin funny. When its good, i cant make a joke to save my life.

Interesting how our minds have developed this "out" for us.