[AllonsY]

Doesn't know the difference between a crossdresser and a trans-person, I was explaining how things work and he thinks the word "bigender" means "bisexual", and seems to have less of a grasp on what "trans" is than the general public (a mental health professional mind you, which is concerning). I should note this was like my 3rd appt with him.

I'm really confused, I've been repressing crap, and I had to switch therapists (its a "team" there) because the last one was terrible and I haven't gotten a new one yet. I've been more dysphoric than I've ever felt in my entire life, and it's like someone has peeled my skin off and everything is so raw and... guh. Not suicidal or anything, it's just fairly overwhelming. And it's like - sure, present female as I might, it just feels like being trapped behind eyes as a guy who's just presenting female, and that's almost more painful. It's a twisted, catch-22.

My fiancee is extremely supportive and that's the only thing getting me through, but she doesn't (because she honestly couldn't) understand, as a cis person.

What do I do?

[kraken1851]

Hello AllonsY,

I'm sorry you're having a hard time. Your psychiatrist doesn't sound very helpful I don't know if you're in a position where you could try to find a new therapist?

If not, there are some things you could try to make this work. It depends a bit on the psychiatrist and on the kind of support you need.

First of all, could you try to tell the psychiatrist how you feel about the whole situation?

Then, is there any chance your psychiatrist would be willing to read up on the whole topic? If so, I'd suggest pointing out some resources (maybe just a glossary of terms will do initially).

The other question is: does your psychiatrist have to understand being trans*, really "get it", or is it enough if they're accepting and don't make bad blunders all the time. My t, for example, doesn't understand too much about being trans*. He gets terms confused and he does sometimes say things that are... let's say cis-naive. But the issues I'm seeing him for are, while certainly related to my being trans*, things he can help me with nonetheless. That includes my poor body image and self-esteem. He understands those concepts, and currently to me it doesn't matter so much if he gets the trans* bit completely. I trust him quite a lot and he is willing to learn. He lets me correct him etc. So currently I think I can make things work with him - but that's partly because I can map the things I'm learning from him onto the trans-related issues. Maybe there is a way for you to make things work with this psychiatrist somehow?

[CANDC]

Another question to ask yourself is the psychiatrist compassionate toward transgender issues or do they come across as judgmental. It would seem to be important to have someone who is empathetic and compassionate and on your side, even if they need to be more knowledgeable.

[JoeS21]

Look for a therapist who has been trained to help transgender people. There are some here: Therapists - MTROLwiki

The trouble a lot of trans people encounter with therapists who lack a knowledge of trans patients is that either:
1. The therapist expects the patient to teach them all about trans people. This is complicated and extensive enough that it can cost you a fortune.
2. Some therapists (who lack training of what transgender is) will misinterpret you frequently, and therefore give bad advice (based on a misunderstanding), and give bad diagnoses (based on their misunderstanding).
3. You probably won't be learning anything new or getting the best treatment from someone who doesn't understand one of your biggest, most influential, issues. (Someone who has no understanding of what transgender is, will NOT know how much it influences your life every day.)

Therapists Look Here (how to get training to help transgender patients):
-Formal training: Training and Technical Assistance | MassTPC.org
-The basics: Transgender 101 | MassTPC.org

[AllonsY]

Originally Posted by kraken1851

Hello AllonsY,

I'm sorry you're having a hard time. Your psychiatrist doesn't sound very helpful I don't know if you're in a position where you could try to find a new therapist?

If not, there are some things you could try to make this work. It depends a bit on the psychiatrist and on the kind of support you need.

First of all, could you try to tell the psychiatrist how you feel about the whole situation?

Then, is there any chance your psychiatrist would be willing to read up on the whole topic? If so, I'd suggest pointing out some resources (maybe just a glossary of terms will do initially).

The other question is: does your psychiatrist have to understand being trans*, really "get it", or is it enough if they're accepting and don't make bad blunders all the time. My t, for example, doesn't understand too much about being trans*. He gets terms confused and he does sometimes say things that are... let's say cis-naive. But the issues I'm seeing him for are, while certainly related to my being trans*, things he can help me with nonetheless. That includes my poor body image and self-esteem. He understands those concepts, and currently to me it doesn't matter so much if he gets the trans* bit completely. I trust him quite a lot and he is willing to learn. He lets me correct him etc. So currently I think I can make things work with him - but that's partly because I can map the things I'm learning from him onto the trans-related issues. Maybe there is a way for you to make things work with this psychiatrist somehow?

It took a while just to get into the place I'm in, it would take months to get in anywhere else (I have poop healthcare) - but that's my psychiatrist (pill doctor) not my psychologist (therapist) of which I'm getting a new one, and I just found out I have an appt Monday. I have little faith in this place though. Like - if I were to do HRT, I sure as hell don't want my psychiatrist to have anything to do with it. It's just discomforting that it's an issue I'm dealing with and this person is totally oblivious as to what it is, like entirely... it's frightening, honestly. I suspect he'd be willing to read up on it, though I don't know?

I could try and tell him, I have a hard time being like "I feel like there's an issue here". But if I have to.

I guess it's just a concern that a person giving me medication that - I suspect would do HRT potentially (?) which I don't know if that's what I'll do or not, I'm poor - knows less than practically the average person.

[AllonsY]

Originally Posted by CANDC

Another question to ask yourself is the psychiatrist compassionate toward transgender issues or do they come across as judgmental. It would seem to be important to have someone who is empathetic and compassionate and on your side, even if they need to be more knowledgeable.

He's a super nice, mellow guy and seems super super great about it, just entirely lacking in any knowledge relating to it.

[AllonsY]

Originally Posted by JoeS21

Look for a therapist who has been trained to help transgender people. There are some here: Therapists - MTROLwiki

The trouble a lot of trans people encounter with therapists who lack a knowledge of trans patients is that either:
1. The therapist expects the patient to teach them all about trans people. This is complicated and extensive enough that it can cost you a fortune.
2. Some therapists (who lack training of what transgender is) will misinterpret you frequently, and therefore give bad advice (based on a misunderstanding), and give bad diagnoses (based on their misunderstanding).
3. You probably won't be learning anything new or getting the best treatment from someone who doesn't understand one of your biggest, most influential, issues. (Someone who has no understanding of what transgender is, will NOT know how much it influences your life every day.)

Therapists Look Here (how to get training to help transgender patients):
-Formal training: Training and Technical Assistance | MassTPC.org
-The basics: Transgender 101 | MassTPC.org

Thanks! That only shows Massachusetts though :-/ (There's one online one but I'm pretty sure I'm not covered for that)

[AllonsY]

Also - Is there anyone MtF willing to PM me about stuff? I just need someone to back and forth with... if not I don't want to make anyone feel obligated, I know people are busy and stuff. Figured I'd throw it out though.

[CANDC]

well the trusty google search you may have already done, but here are some notables worth checking out. No guarantees or experience with them
Therapists
Online Gender Therapists for SRS letters
Just wanted to point out there are some out there but of course each person should verify qualifications and suitability on their own.

[AllonsY]

Originally Posted by CANDC

well the trusty google search you may have already done, but here are some notables worth checking out. No guarantees or experience with them
Therapists
Online Gender Therapists for SRS letters
Just wanted to point out there are some out there but of course each person should verify qualifications and suitability on their own.

Thanks

It's tough. I have garbage coverage, so I have virtually nothing for options as it is... I may be stuck with this place (the nearest I can find is like an hour away and I don't think covers me).

[kraken1851]

Ah, sorry for getting confused about the psychiatrist vs psychologist .

As for HRT, I think that ideally it should be done by an endocrinologist.

Crossing my fingers that the new t is a bit more knowledgeable about trans issues.

[AllonsY]

Originally Posted by kraken1851

Ah, sorry for getting confused about the psychiatrist vs psychologist .

As for HRT, I think that ideally it should be done by an endocrinologist.

Crossing my fingers that the new t is a bit more knowledgeable about trans issues.

Thanks

[AllonsY]

Originally Posted by AllonsY

Also - Is there anyone MtF willing to PM me about stuff? I just need someone to back and forth with... if not I don't want to make anyone feel obligated, I know people are busy and stuff. Figured I'd throw it out though.

No one? . .

Originally Posted by AllonsY

No one? . .

Hi AllonsY: I just happened upon this post. I posted a message on your home page. I'm kind-of old. But I'm available. Let me know if you want to "talk". Oh, BTW, with regard to therapists (I've had a few of 'em.) I don't mean to be crass. But when it comes to therapists who don't understand the transsexual experience, there's a saying I think is applicable: "There's no point in trying to teach a pig to sing because pigs can't sing & all it does is make 'em mad."

[AllonsY]

Originally Posted by The Skeezyks

Hi AllonsY: I just happened upon this post. I posted a message on your home page. I'm kind-of old. But I'm available. Let me know if you want to "talk". Oh, BTW, with regard to therapists (I've had a few of 'em.) I don't mean to be crass. But when it comes to therapists who don't understand the transsexual experience, there's a saying I think is applicable: "There's no point in trying to teach a pig to sing because pigs can't sing & all it does is make 'em mad."

Messaged you

It was my psychiatrist/med doctor that was totally out of the loop... just switched to a new therapist who seems alarmingly good so far. I don't know how much he knows about gender issues, but it's clear he's way ahead of society in general as far as knowledge and whatnot, so that's really really good.

[kraken1851]

Yay, I'm glad the new t seems ok!

[BadWolf]

The wpath guidelines may be a good resource for him. It is a long document that explains medical and psychological process in addition to basic terms and stuff. Showing your team that you know what's up will help you get hormones too.

My therapist has been amazing and I was already going to a queer doctor who regularly does Trans care.

[AllonsY]

Originally Posted by BadWolf

The wpath guidelines may be a good resource for him. It is a long document that explains medical and psychological process in addition to basic terms and stuff. Showing your team that you know what's up will help you get hormones too.

My therapist has been amazing and I was already going to a queer doctor who regularly does Trans care.

Bad Wolf? As in Doctor Who?

I'm going to look into that - would a psychiatrist be able to prescribe HRT? I don't want to have to go out of town or something and there's really no other options here (or within hours of here).

[BadWolf]

It's possible. Most of my info is about ftm. Wpath tells doctors what to check for and stuff. The fda hasn't approved hrt and not a lot of doctors know how to perscribe, etc. I have heard of doctors who learn in order to help one patient and it sounds like your pdoc is open.

My doctor is not an endo, just a doctor. But he is gay and the practice is queer oriented.