[troubledtoo]

I am new to this so I apologize if this is not the correct place for this or if this is even too far out there for this type of forum. I have been dealing with this for about 20 years now. I have no desire to be with a guy and I have no desire to be a woman entirely. With that said I have been wearing lingerie in the bedroom for 20 years. I do it for terms of sexual gratification. You see I am comfortable with my body (male at birth) but in the bed room while dressed I wonder what it would be like to be a woman. A part of me really hates myself for this, and the other part does not care because it feels good. I really do not know what to do. I could really use some advice. Thanks

[kaliope]

do what makes you feel good. you are in the privacy of your own home. don't feel guilty about feeling good. you are not hurting anybody. who cares what society says about what you should be wearing. gender stereotyping has come a long way.

[seraphic]

What kaliope said! If you don't want to think of yourself as fully a guy, you can, there's nothing requiring you to be only male or only female or to be either of those at all. I think it's a common misconception that trans people always want a body 100% different than the one they were born with, but that's totally not true in call cases. If you want to be a girl with the body you have, or someone who's neither guy or girl, all power to you.

You don't have to fight the things that make you feel good just because they aren't what's expected or "normal".

Originally Posted by troubledtoo

I am new to this so I apologize if this is not the correct place for this or if this is even too far out there for this type of forum. I have been dealing with this for about 20 years now. I have no desire to be with a guy and I have no desire to be a woman entirely. With that said I have been wearing lingerie in the bedroom for 20 years. I do it for terms of sexual gratification. You see I am comfortable with my body (male at birth) but in the bed room while dressed I wonder what it would be like to be a woman. A part of me really hates myself for this, and the other part does not care because it feels good. I really do not know what to do. I could really use some advice. Thanks

Hello troubledtoo: Well... you've received some excellent advice from seraphic & kaliope. I'm in my mid 60's now & I have been transgendered my whole life. Altho born male, I always felt female inside, so to speak. But I never transitioned. Still, over the years, I have had to do some things that were very embarrassing to me personally in order to assuage my transgenderedness. So I think I have some particular insight into what you wrote in your post.

Certainly I agree with seraphic & kaliope there's no reason to feel guilty or embarrassed for doing what makes you feel good in your own home. Still, I know sometimes this can be easier said than done. One thing you don't mention, in your post, is whether or not you are married & what, if any, impact this has on your marital, or other, relationships. If you live alone, then presumably there is no impact other than how you yourself feel about wearing lingerie. On the other hand, if there is another person, or persons involved, then this may make the situation more complicated.

I have written this in reply to numerous other posts in the past where PC members have written they do something that embarrasses them. It's not the "doing" of it that is of concern. It is the guilt / embarrassment one feels as a result that can be damaging. I know you don't consider yourself to be transgender. But those of us who are, but who have had to hide it for whatever reason, know that hiding becomes a way of life. We become experts at stealth. We collect stores of clothing & accessories of the gender we believe ourselves to be on the inside. Then something happens & we purge, i.e. we get rid of it all swearing we'll never do it again. Then pretty soon, we're right back at it again.

For me, it has reached a point where I have become a secretive person in general. Even with regard to things I do that are perfectly "normal", my instinct is to be secretive. If I don't have a few secrets stuffed in my hip pocket, I feel like there's something amiss.

So, the point I want to make is just that wearing lingerie to bed is perfectly fine. I wish I could... (my wife would sorely object.) But, if you feel guilty / embarrassed about it, & part of you hates yourself for it, & you simply can't shake those feelings, then this is something I would suggest you may want to address, perhaps with some therapy services, or if not simply by continuing to post about it here on PC. Ongoing self-hatred, even if it's only with regard to one small part of yourself, is something best resolved lest it grow, over time, to taint other aspects of one's life. Best wishes...