[DoeJohn]

My girlfriend (from about a year now) has recently told me she has Gender Dysphoria (for grammatical issues, I'll refer to her as a "she" for the time being). She believes she is a man, she dresses as one (doesn't use "girly" clothing), she likes being addressed as a man, likes men's cologne, has tastes and hobbies like that of a man and such. Regarding that, she indeed fulfills the criteria for GD diagnosis (though it hasn't been diagnosed by a specialist, just self-diagnosed).

However, in some aspects, she is still femenine. She wants to give birth to children, she likes cute girly things (though not clothing, or princess-like accessories, but she does like the rest), and has quite some femenine behaviour sometimes that maybe she doesn't even notice.

Which puzzles me the most, and doesn't seem to be an usual occurrence in GD, is that she claims she is an homosexual man trapped in a woman's body. Being that she definitely likes men (as I can vouch for). This has me quite puzzled, trying to figure out whether is she suffering of GD or is just confused. (I am trying to think of all the possibilities, not trying to belittle this problem).

The problem lies in that I don't really give much importance to what gender she believes she is, and I want to accept her as she is. BUT I am definitely heterosexual. I am not attracted at all to male bodies. So of course, if she (in the future) decides to undergo a sex-change surgery, she really wants me to stay with her and keep loving her. And I wish I could, but I don't know whether I'll be able. If I am not attracted to male bodies, and stop being attracted to her because of the surgery... I don't think we can (or should) be together then, for our own good.

So that's it... I don't know what can we both do with this, and I'd be thankful for any advice we could get.

We have to think of all the pro's and con's, and all the things that can (and can not) be done. All the problems that could arise and the way to deal with them, ad we both know little, next to nothing, about this.

Thank you.

[hmimcclellan]

I am in a similar situation sweetie. You need to talk to your SO about your concerns. For me, though i wasnt attracted to my SO's gender, i still loved my SO. I mean, he was still the same person i first fell in love with. If a change in gender is going to be a big deal for you maybe you bit off more than you can chew.

[jelly-bean]

Unfortunately there is little that anyone can do to help either of you. The things you need to learn about, the pros and cons, are all things that only the two of you can decide. Take your time and work out the issues together and if you can not deal with her becoming a man you will need to consider going your separate ways.

[bixkf]

I would say that you'll need to do some serious soul searching on this. Are you attracted to your partner for physical reasons...as in beauty, body,... or was it about "her", the person?

You see, your partner (as a woman or a gay man in a woman's body) is attracted to you. A change is your partner's body will not change that attraction. As for your partner's body...will some changes make you not attracted? For example, most FTM people will not get "bottom" surgery because it is extremely expensive and doesn't provide nearly as functional a result as a vaginoplasty. So maybe your partner gets the breasts removed to fit closer to the correct body image...is that any different from having them removed due to cancer?

My point is that if you love your partner, some appearance changes shouldn't change that love. Does it matter that in your partner's mind, "she" is a "he" and that "he" is making love to you as a gay man, not a straight woman? I know it isn't that simple, but physically you will likely still be able to have vaginal intercourse with "him", and "he" will pleasure you the same no matter how your partner identifies.

I know that there a plenty of couples that have stayed together after one has transitionned, because they were friends/partners before and they saw no reason to change their relationship after their body image was altered.

Good luck.

[DoeJohn]

Answering to that, I'll say that I am attracted to her as a whole, both phisically and personality-wise. And that means that if somehow anything of her that I'm attracted to changes, there might be a change in the attraction I feel for her. The same might happen if she happened to change in personality, as I love her the way she is.

Regarding the point you made, no, I don't have the slightest problem over what she considers herself to be, be it a man or a woman. I just love her as a person without giving such importance to how she refers to herself or acts.

But that is not the problem. If it's just that, then tere is no problem. The thing is the gender change. If it is just as simple as removing her breasts, and that makes her happier, I'd be glad to accept (though it would pain me a bit, since well... I really like her breasts, but well, that's just my wishful thinking). But if she decides to get male genitalia that would pose a problem. Or also if she decides to take hormonal therapy. Just for a simple reason: I am absolutely not attracted to male bodies.

A female body with no breasts is still a female body, and of course I would still be attracted to it, but a male body (no matter if the bottom is female or male) wouldn't. I would still love her personality (if it doesn't change too much, which sometimes happens due to the change), but I would probably not feel the same for her phisically, and BOTH things are parts of loving her.

And it would pain me just not being able to love her as I should because of that.

[TheSeamster]

Here too toss in my two cents and address a few of your problems.

Something important to note about GD is that there really is no "typical case". On top of that, your partner maintaining feminine traits isn't odd at all considering they prefer a male identity. Gender presentation and gender identity are two different things. Also, I have cis male friends who like cute or "girly" things. A person doesn't need to renounce all that os feminine in order to present as male.

And many trans men want to have children. You don't hear about it a lot, but it's pretty normal.

Where your problem seems to lie is in seeing your partner as they're prefered gender rather than their assigned gender. You still see them as a cis woman and not a trans man.

There's not really any advice we can give. This is something you need to sit and discuss with your partner. Be open aboit your feelings and tell them of your uncertainty. Don't try and challenge their gender. Just talk about your feelings on them coming out to you and what it means for your future together, if there is one.

If you cant picture a romantic relationship with them in the future, the. perhaps you'd do better as friends.

Communication is everything. Open up to them, talk, and listen to them as well. Hopefully everythig works out positively friend

[wheredidthepartygo]

i agree with theseamster and also i think you should take some serious time to think about what you truly consider a "woman's body" and a "man's body" and all the variables and such in between and the fact that your partner's body isn't going to ever become another person's body. it will be the same body with changes. changes varying on whether they take hormones, how much and how often and for how long.
i think a helpful thing would be to drop your preconceived notion of how your partner's body is going to change and how they feel now that you know they're trans
basically let go and accept what comes as it comes because it's an organic individual process that you can't control or predict
try to just go by how you're feeling now and how you have felt in the past instead of focusing on how you think you might feel in the future. the two of you can shape your future together with openness and honesty

easier said than done but it's worth it