I've been doing a lot of reading about others life experiences and it's like it sounds so much of my life.

I was lucky enough to have 2 sisters when I was younger, we were all a year apart, and we played dolls, house, cooking, and make believe together- which I felt was normal.

I was "cross dressing" by the time I was 6 years old with strong feelings of being female. I know I was envious of females all my life.

I'd sit and watch my mother get made up and nails done.

Everytime I cross dressed and got caught, I'd get spanked, ridiculed, and publicly humiliated. This is about par with the multiple personality thing that we have going on. We buried these feelings deep and became unhappy.

We buried this idea and lived dumb and numb for 30 years. Now it's presented itself full time, the obsession that this isn't right.

We watched Sona Avedian's story and is so inspired.

We now have future goals...we just have to deal with the present. Waiting is such the hardest part.

[Skeezyks]

Hi AlwaysChanging2: I pleased that you now have future goals! I'm not familiar with Sona Avedian. I'll have to look her up. Thanks for mentioning her.

I was an only child. In my case, I guess I was fortunate that I was really only caught a very few times. And when I was I managed to make up a quick story that my parents bought... or I just managed to deflect their curiosity in some other way. When I was growing up the whole concept of a person being transgender wasn't even on anyone's radar. So it is not something that would even have occurred to my parents. I didn't understand it myself.

I learned very early on in my life (I don't know how) that, what I now understand to have been transgender compulsions, were things I must never divulge to anyone. And so I kept them a closely guarded secret until just a few years ago. (I wish they still were secret.) As a result, I think I developed something of a split personality. There was the outwardly male me... the person I was to the outside world. And then there was the female me... the one that I kept hidden deep inside. I still feel her presence within me, although recently it seems as though she has faded somewhat. That's another story.

Anyway, thanks for your post. I believe I have some understanding of what you went through...

Originally Posted by Skeezyks

Hi AlwaysChanging2: I pleased that you now have future goals! I'm not familiar with Sona Avedian. I'll have to look her up. Thanks for mentioning her.

I was an only child. In my case, I guess I was fortunate that I was really only caught a very few times. And when I was I managed to make up a quick story that my parents bought... or I just managed to deflect their curiosity in some other way. When I was growing up the whole concept of a person being transgender wasn't even on anyone's radar. So it is not something that would even have occurred to my parents. I didn't understand it myself.

I learned very early on in my life (I don't know how) that, what I now understand to have been transgender compulsions, were things I must never divulge to anyone. And so I kept them a closely guarded secret until just a few years ago. (I wish they still were secret.) As a result, I think I developed something of a split personality. There was the outwardly male me... the person I was to the outside world. And then there was the female me... the one that I kept hidden deep inside. I still feel her presence within me, although recently it seems as though she has faded somewhat. That's another story.

Anyway, thanks for your post. I believe I have some understanding of what you went through...

That's what Sona said, about releasing her!

She was a Marine once.

That's what I understand, the inner person and the outward one that everyone sees bent to follow the bodies image. I think that one is more of an alter ego. As you know, I've got a convention in here, but we are predominately female and was so first.

I pushed everything deep back then, and now here they are again. At this point, I give up caring. The body is too old to act like I'm in high school anymore.

[Skeezyks]