[Nike007]

Hello. I have never posted in a forum like this before. But this has been a topic in my mind for a few months. I've been questioning this because of the January/February Scientific American Mind magazine, which had an article about being transgender. And it got me thinking about me a bit. I'll give a bit of details about my childhood and whatever. I was born female.

So for me, I don't remember much as a baby, but about 4 or 5. I didn't like wearing dresses, skirts. I was okay with the colour pink as a kid, but now I'm not. I always had a desire to hang with boys because they seemed more fun than females. Males would play video games, sports, stuff that I liked. My obsessions as a kid were power rangers, hot wheels, TMNT. I didn't like Barbie at all. I have a brother, so I would play with him because I liked what he did better than what I did. My best friends were boys always. I was really good at video games. I am also naturally smart at math, which most males are better at because of brain structure. The clothes I would wear as a kid were gender neutral normally. I do buy clothes from the men's section because they are more appealing to me than female clothing in terms of shirts. I don't really care about pants, except for the fact men's pants have good pockets on them.

I was very sensitive as a kid though. I would cry everyday for no reason really. Most males don't cry that often according to what I know of psychology. And, as stated, I liked pink as a kid.

Now:

Currently, I hate pink. I am starting to accept purple though when I didn't before. In terms of Myers-Briggs theory, I have more of a "thinking" mind, than a "feeling" mind, which is more common in males than females. I hate dresses and skirts, and will only wear them if forced or to appear socially acceptable, though I hate them normally. I never wear makeup, and I'm 16. I don't wear nail polish, don't want my ears pierced. I shop more in the men's section now because it's my choice. I choose mainly gender neutral clothes. People have confused me as being male a few times, because gender is mainly known to society as male and female. And, as stated, I wear gender neutral, or more masculine clothes, my hair is short/medium length. I wear a watch, and paracord bracelets. I have broad shoulders and am very strong compared to the average "female". But I have a lot of feminine parts. I have size D breast, and a good hip curve. So I do look more feminine if I wore all "male" clothing. I also want people to call me she, her, hers, herself, etc..

Anyways, I'm sorry if I'm offending anyone by my terms. I really don't want to say something unacceptable.

Anyways, based off of looking through my past life and current, I believe I am androgynous. I don't want to change anything about my body or anything, but I feel mentally more masculine. I am not sure if I'm going to fully accept this though, because I don't know, but I feel this fits me the best. I feel like I am not a standard "gender". I like having no and both genders at the same time. I am really confused with all these terms, but if there was a spectrum of between male and female, with me being born female, I would be 60% male, 40% female roughly. So basically middle. At days, I wish I was male, but others, I like being female. So I feel I am androgynous, from what I know the definition is. I will continue to be referred to as she, her, hers, herself, etc. for as long as I feel it is appropriate. Anyways, I may post in here more. I am just starting to get curious into this now because of our new, more accepting (haha) society. Hope to meet other people with similar stories here .

Social anxiety disorder, GAD, OCD, and panic attacks

Lexapro, 10 mg

[DaveJ]

Hey
I think it can be kind of misleading how we as a society apply gender labels... for example pink was originally a boys colour, it was only in the 1940's that it became more popular for girls (before colouful kids clothes became popular all children wore long hair and white dresses until about age 6), so things like that only matter because of stereotypes...
A lot of things we consider typically 'male' or 'female' in terms of toys and stuff are largely to do with social conditioning and what we traditionally expect male and female roles to be, even when it's inaccurate like toy kitchens being only for girls when a lot of (maybe most?) chefs are men.
Even the emotional reactions can be affected a lot by social conditioning. As a kid (I'm a trans guy, AFAB) I was more likely to get angry than cry, from my mothers reactions I discovered that it was much more acceptable to cry than get angry (I was more likely to get a sympathetic response), I've heard a lot of cis guys saying it was the opposite situation for them in that if they cried they were critisized or even punished for it... Of course now that I've come out as a guy the emotional reactions/responses expected of me - and considered acceptably masculine - have changed...
Anyway, the point I'm trying to make is that it's very hard to say exactly what - if anything - is actually a masculine or feminine attribute, rather than a result of social conditioning and stereotyping.
The important thing is what you feel in and of yourself. There's no real checklist of requirements for any gender identity. You know yourself and who you are, and your gender is what you feel you identify as. There are also no rules or requirements for how you choose to express your gender, do what feels right
I hope I made some kind of sense and didn't ramble too much...
And - as you mentioned - I hope I don't offend anyone with what I've said or how I've worded it.

[Nike007]

Originally Posted by DaveJ

Hey
I think it can be kind of misleading how we as a society apply gender labels... for example pink was originally a boys colour, it was only in the 1940's that it became more popular for girls (before colouful kids clothes became popular all children wore long hair and white dresses until about age 6), so things like that only matter because of stereotypes...
A lot of things we consider typically 'male' or 'female' in terms of toys and stuff are largely to do with social conditioning and what we traditionally expect male and female roles to be, even when it's inaccurate like toy kitchens being only for girls when a lot of (maybe most?) chefs are men.
Even the emotional reactions can be affected a lot by social conditioning. As a kid (I'm a trans guy, AFAB) I was more likely to get angry than cry, from my mothers reactions I discovered that it was much more acceptable to cry than get angry (I was more likely to get a sympathetic response), I've heard a lot of cis guys saying it was the opposite situation for them in that if they cried they were critisized or even punished for it... Of course now that I've come out as a guy the emotional reactions/responses expected of me - and considered acceptably masculine - have changed...
Anyway, the point I'm trying to make is that it's very hard to say exactly what - if anything - is actually a masculine or feminine attribute, rather than a result of social conditioning and stereotyping.
The important thing is what you feel in and of yourself. There's no real checklist of requirements for any gender identity. You know yourself and who you are, and your gender is what you feel you identify as. There are also no rules or requirements for how you choose to express your gender, do what feels right
I hope I made some kind of sense and didn't ramble too much...
And - as you mentioned - I hope I don't offend anyone with what I've said or how I've worded it.

Hello. Thanks for the reply. I know that a lot of society plays a role into gender and that "everything must align" in terms of sex and gender. It's an environmental factor I know.

I am starting to accept myself about being androgyne. It seems to me that I feel masculine and feminine inside. I tried saying out loud if I was a boy or a girl and it didn't really make me feel good about either option. It's more of an in between feeling.

I think that seeing myself doing all these things and a lot of environment situations made me realize that I don't feel 100% female.

Thank you for taking your time replying .

[DaveJ]

Originally Posted by Nike007

Hello. Thanks for the reply. I know that a lot of society plays a role into gender and that "everything must align" in terms of sex and gender. It's an environmental factor I know.

I am starting to accept myself about being androgyne. It seems to me that I feel masculine and feminine inside. I tried saying out loud if I was a boy or a girl and it didn't really make me feel good about either option. It's more of an in between feeling.

I think that seeing myself doing all these things and a lot of environment situations made me realize that I don't feel 100% female.

Thank you for taking your time replying .

It's good to be able to look at ourself and how we behave, react etc. and gain understanding of ourselves through it.
When I first found out about the term transgender, and realised that that was how I felt myself (I knew how I felt but had never know the words for it) I did a similar thing with pronouns, a sort of self-test of how I felt about them, and a god bit of considering how I felt about various situations in my life. For me using male pronouns and being a guy felt right and female wrong, so while I don't feel I'm in the middle I understand that feeling of knowing what feels right and realising who I am and how I feel about my gender... for me it was a great relief to come to that understanding, I hope it's also a positive thing for you

[lorax177]

I'm nonbinary too! I think a lot of times discovering your gender has to do with thinking about how you feel about yourself, your body, and how society percieves your gender. That being said, many trans folks don't have physical dysphoria (feeling like certian aspects of your body that are typically gendered are wrong or give you anxiety because they shouldn't be that way) and some don't have social dysphoria (feeling like the way people percieve you as a certian gender is wrong or gives you anxiety). Some trans folks like to do certian things to minimize that discomfort or aid in passing, though in my experience it's nearly impossible to pass as nonbinary because society as a whole doesn't recognize nonbinary genders as valid or real. If you feel comfortable doing so, I reccommend experimenting with your gender presentation and different pronouns (they/them, he/him, etc.) or names, or things like titles and such. If you'd like some tips on how to appear more androgynous to society, pm me and I will gladly help! And remember, labels should be descriptive, not prescriptive. Focus more on how you feel, and if you decide to label yourself, remember you can always change that label if you find one that fits better. I went from identifying as genderfluid to genderqueer to neutrois (neutral-gendered) as I discovered more about myself. Good luck, have fun, take care of yourself! I love you!! <|

I think, and this is from doing some research, identifying as such until a time came where I could fully accept myself for me... That you're something known as Bigender. I could be wrong, but do some research into it. You could feel more masculine then feminine but if you feel the same way everday then you're definitely either adrogyne or bigender. Give it some thought though. You need to sit yourself down, STRIP AWAY ALL OF WHAT SOCIETY TELLS YOU IS WHAT YOU ARE... And you need to ask yourself, with just yourself. 'What is my gender?' It'll probably take you a while to figure it out... but if you tell yourself 'I'm both' or 'I'm neither' or 'I'm a boy' or 'I'm a girl'... Then you can add what society tells you to the mixing pot for this. When you do, you can say 'I'm really masculine but I'm this as well."

Side note, I'm ftm, afab.

[Nike007]

Originally Posted by lorax177

I'm nonbinary too! I think a lot of times discovering your gender has to do with thinking about how you feel about yourself, your body, and how society percieves your gender. That being said, many trans folks don't have physical dysphoria (feeling like certian aspects of your body that are typically gendered are wrong or give you anxiety because they shouldn't be that way) and some don't have social dysphoria (feeling like the way people percieve you as a certian gender is wrong or gives you anxiety). Some trans folks like to do certian things to minimize that discomfort or aid in passing, though in my experience it's nearly impossible to pass as nonbinary because society as a whole doesn't recognize nonbinary genders as valid or real. If you feel comfortable doing so, I reccommend experimenting with your gender presentation and different pronouns (they/them, he/him, etc.) or names, or things like titles and such. If you'd like some tips on how to appear more androgynous to society, pm me and I will gladly help! And remember, labels should be descriptive, not prescriptive. Focus more on how you feel, and if you decide to label yourself, remember you can always change that label if you find one that fits better. I went from identifying as genderfluid to genderqueer to neutrois (neutral-gendered) as I discovered more about myself. Good luck, have fun, take care of yourself! I love you!! <|

Hello. Thanks for your kind response . I have learned a lot more about my gender, and feel that I am androgyne. I don't have physical dysphoria, but if I was born with men's parts, I wouldn't mind either. In terms of social dysphoria, I do feel it. I wish that people would see me more masculine a lot of the time and wouldn't see me as feminine.

I have cut my hair super short, and I like it a lot. I know I don't like he/him for some reason. She/her is okay, but maybe that's because I grew up thinking like that. But I know I don't like they/them because I don't feel valid or something else. I like it when people just call me by my name. I would like to go by Niko, I have had dreams about people calling me Niko and I feel really happy inside.

And thanks, I have found websites that help me to look more androgynous. I need to buy a new smart watch (a classy looking one) when I have money and want to spend it on that. I like dressing more masculine, but still want to be female, kinda. It's hard to explain. I like looking masculine, but I don't feel 100% male inside.

And thanks about the label thing. I know labels are hard to not try to find, especially since I live with mental illness and labels are what psychs want to find.

And thanks. You seem nice . Sorry for such a late reply, my iPad didn't give me a notification that someone replied until another person did recently.

[Nike007]

Originally Posted by EliasMason

I think, and this is from doing some research, identifying as such until a time came where I could fully accept myself for me... That you're something known as Bigender. I could be wrong, but do some research into it. You could feel more masculine then feminine but if you feel the same way everday then you're definitely either adrogyne or bigender. Give it some thought though. You need to sit yourself down, STRIP AWAY ALL OF WHAT SOCIETY TELLS YOU IS WHAT YOU ARE... And you need to ask yourself, with just yourself. 'What is my gender?' It'll probably take you a while to figure it out... but if you tell yourself 'I'm both' or 'I'm neither' or 'I'm a boy' or 'I'm a girl'... Then you can add what society tells you to the mixing pot for this. When you do, you can say 'I'm really masculine but I'm this as well."

Side note, I'm ftm, afab.

Hello. I know about bigender. I have looked into bigender, but I found that the definition of bigender was you felt like two different genders, but I feel like one gender and not two. Mine is more on a scale between the two binary genders. I know I will have to do more thinking, but I have found that androgyne matches with me. It may change, but I feel at the moment that that's me. I am appearing more androgynous, and I feel better about me. I mean, I dressed like before, but I bought more masculine stuff and feel happy about it. My siblings even think I look more male. For me, I know I want to look male, but I don't want to identify as male. It's kinda weird for that, but I like being female too. I'm still kinda confused about it all, but this is what I got so far.

Thanks for the reply . I hope you are happy with your gender too .