[Caelix3]

Sometimes I feel really feminine, I want to wear dresses and put lipstick. But the thought of being called my birth name causes me to cringe. Same with being called she. This causes me great discomfort, as I am transgender. But sometimes I wish I could just go out and try it. But I already came out as transgender to my family and school. I feel like a indecisive fake. I'm starting to be confused on my gender identity again. Help? I am really starting to feel suicidal from this.

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[Pflaumenkeks]

Hello Caelix3,
Welcome to the big world of genders. First of all: I don't think you are fake. Society teaches us that there are two (and only two) distinct genders. And that a certain represantation and feeling can only be found in either of them.
Gender and genderexpression is so much more colorfull. You can be a feminin guy or a masculine woman. You can have a good mix of all or be neither man nor woman. Maybe you are genderqueer/nonbinary? And it's normal for not liking a pronoun that people would associate with your assigned gender even if it sometimes allignes with your identity (in fact, most NB people I know feel this way. Beeing called "he" when your AMAB (assigned male at birth) just can feel invalidating, even on "mal days" for genderfluid people)
Maybe you like to present feminin, that doesn't invalidate your gender-identity.

I wish you luck on your journey!

If you need more resources to nonbinary genders I would be glad to help.

If you know that your gender is binary than be assured that gender-identity and gender-expression is not the same and you are still valid