[Irealltdonotcare]

Recently I've come to believe that I am transgender (ftm) as it seems to be the only explanation to everything I've been thinking and feeling pretty much for as long as I can remember. But why I'm here is I keep doubting myself, thinking what if you're just a tomboy? What if this is all a lie?

Any thoughts anyone? I'm feel like I'm trans but I want to be sure. If you've got any questions I'll answer them as soon as I see it. Thanks

[Skeezyks]

There's a book which might be of some interest to you. It was written more from the perspective of the MtF trans person. But I think the principles would apply either way. I highly recommend it for any trans person. It is: The Gendered Self- Further Commentary on the Transsexual Phenomenon By Anne M. Vitale, Flyfisher Press, 2010. One of the points Dr. Vitale makes is that transsexuality manifests on something of a continuum. There are a few trans individuals who know, from a very early age, that they are trans. There is never any question about it in their minds. But then there are a large number of individuals for whom it's not that simple. I suppose, since Dr. Vitale wrote her book, perhaps at least some of these individuals are people who might come to see themselves as "gender fluid" so something such as that. (I'm not conversant with all of the current gender-related terminology.)

Anyway... the point of all of this is that, at least from my perspective, whether one truly is or is not trans is really something each questioning person has to answer for her or himself. There's no test one can take that will say for sure "yes you are" or "no you're not". And I think the best way finally decide if you are or are not truly trans (& if you are what to do about it) is to get with a skilled, experienced gender therapist & talk the whole thing through at length. I do feel it is of the utmost importance though to find a really skilled therapist. (My personal experience is that a therapist who is not knowledgeable can do more harm than good.) The problem is that there really are no hard-&-fast answers to this... no way to "know for sure." And simply allowing the thoughts & questions you have to continue to rummage around in your brain is, as far as I'm concerned, a recipe for ongoing frustration & disappointment.

I don't know how much time, if any, you've spent on YouTube watching videos uploaded by FtM YouTubers. But I would presume there are a lot of them still. I know there used to be. One way of delving deeper into where you stand, with regard to this question, would be to spend some time watching these videos. At least in the past, it used to be that a lot of these YouTubers would be glad to answer questions from viewers as well. I don't know for sure if that's still the case. But it used to be. A few years ago, there was quite an active trans community on YouTube. However, I have the impression that has sort-of dissipated.

Anyway, these are my thoughts with regard to your post. I know how confusing this can all be. I wish you well...

P.S. Here's a link to an Abstract of Dr. Vitale's book: http://www.thegenderedself.com/

[Elio]

I question all the time where/what I am in terms of gender. I am almost 49 yrs old.
Growing up:

• I said I didn't want to wear a dress again in kindergarten
• I was pretty tom boyish
• in jr. high I loved taking shop and boys PE and loathed being "forced" to take home ec (not sure if it was truly a forced item, I always thought of it as forced)
• Junior year in high school I was socially pressured into wearing a dress as a member of a sports team and I felt like a guy in drag
• my senior year I would borrow my brother's clothing

About 20 yrs ago, I read a book called "stone butch blues" and I identified so much with the main character, I claimed stone butch as my gender. I changed my name, started binding, and stopped wearing any female clothing at that time. It has only been in the last year that I pushed forward with anything. I started T (low dose gel) about 4 months ago and I am 2 months post Top Surgery. I am one of the few that don't miss my breasts. I really wondered and worried about it since I don't identify as FTM and have very little to no desire to have a penis. I do have sensations as if I do have a penis. I am loving my flat chest.

So that a bit of my story, you asked us for questions - what's your story? What causes you to lean one way or another? What feels right when doing, moving, wearing... ?

What questions do you have for us? How can we help?