[bri00]

(Sorry for the vague title.)

Hi, I created this account on a whim because recently I've been very down about myself and confused about my future as a teen with gender dysphoria and an incredibly conservative family. I have no support network in real life so I must turn to internet forums.

A bit of background about me:
I was born male to a conservative Korean-American family. I was always a really quiet kid and prefered to read books and make art rather than play with friends. I identify as gender-fluid, but sometimes I find it really difficult to accept that
I've always been confused why I wasn't allowed to wear skirts or grow out my hair and enjoy "girly" activities such as sewing. About a year ago I landed on "gender-fluid" and I'm now I'm much more comfortable with myself personally.

(Apologies for the long post)

I'm 16 years old and I was born male to a very conservative family(son of a pastor). This is making it impossible for me to come out to my family. So I'm turning to the internet now as I have nobody in real life that I could ask for help.

I had been identifying myself as genderfluid, but recently in the past year I lean a lot more to the female side. So much that I often wonder if I'm trans. When people even sarcastically call me a girl, I really can't help but feel really happy. My parents sometimes call me their daughter super sarcastically, almost mockingly, and each time they do I wish I could tell them how they made my day. I wouldn't say I'm a stereotypical girl, though. I enjoy physical activity and the grind that comes with working out(until I look in the mirror and see myself developing a less-than-feminine figure). I enjoy playing video games and whatnot. Sometimes, I find that my gender aligns fine with my sex, and I just live completely as a guy not thinking about my gender dysphoria. But more often than not recently, I'm met with this overbearing feeling that I'm just a girl though I'd been confident I was a guy with no doubts but just a month ago.

As I mentioned previously, a big frustration of mine that comes with this is my workouts. I'm a firm believer in making your body as strong and healthy as it can be, and I workout very frequently...that is, when I'm feeling like a guy. When I'm feeling closer to female, I want to avoid anything that gets me more muscular and physically makes me look a lot less feminine. It's aggravating because a part of me would love to go to the gym and grind reps to improve my athleticism, but another part of me would do anything not to get more muscular.

Since I was maybe 11, I'd been begging my parents to let me grow my hair. I think it would make me look more feminine and help me be more comfortable with myself. I was allowed to grow out my hair for around a year, but I was forced to cut it again because "it looked gay". I've argued with my parents about my hair for several years now, and they reluctantly let me start growing it out again. I'm now a year and a half into growing it back out but the arguments still go on. I've got my parents convinced that this is just a new trend that guys think is cool nowadays. I'd love to tell them how I feel about my gender, but if I did there is no doubt that they would shave my head again.

I apologize if this post really disorganized and confusing to read. >.<
I don't know what I expect to get out of posting this, but I need to say this all somewhere or I may accidentally spill it in front of my family.

[Skeezyks]

Hello bri00: Well... I'm an old man. But I struggled my entire life with gender identity issues. The only thing you wrote I guess I couldn't relate to is the hair problem. I grew up during the "hippie" years. So way back then, boys with long hair were the norm.

At least from my perspective, what you're experiencing is all perfectly normal for many people with gender dysphoria concerns. It is true some trans individuals just know, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that they are the opposite gender from the one they were "assigned at birth", as they say. For them there is simply no question. But for may others it's not so clear-cut. We feel pulled in both directions at different times & under varying circumstances. I do personally imagine that, at least nowadays, it would be easier to know absolutely one is trans than to be sort-of caught in the middle, so to speak.

Anyway, I'm glad you found your way here to PC. I wondered also if you are familiar with the website: Bigender.net? At one time I was a member. I no longer am. But I found it to be a good forum for anyone who is struggling with issues related to feeling both male & female. You might take a look at it:

Bigender.net Journals

But also please keep posting here on PC as well!

[arich62]

Thanks for the link Skeezyks. It looks like that site hasn't been used in quite a while but it's good to know the various TG sites out there.

[arich62]

Originally Posted by bri00

(Sorry for the vague title.)

Hi, I created this account on a whim because recently I've been very down about myself and confused about my future as a teen with gender dysphoria and an incredibly conservative family. I have no support network in real life so I must turn to internet forums.

A bit of background about me:
I was born male to a conservative Korean-American family. I was always a really quiet kid and prefered to read books and make art rather than play with friends. I identify as gender-fluid, but sometimes I find it really difficult to accept that
I've always been confused why I wasn't allowed to wear skirts or grow out my hair and enjoy "girly" activities such as sewing. About a year ago I landed on "gender-fluid" and I'm now I'm much more comfortable with myself personally.

(Apologies for the long post)

I'm 16 years old and I was born male to a very conservative family(son of a pastor). This is making it impossible for me to come out to my family. So I'm turning to the internet now as I have nobody in real life that I could ask for help.

I had been identifying myself as genderfluid, but recently in the past year I lean a lot more to the female side. So much that I often wonder if I'm trans. When people even sarcastically call me a girl, I really can't help but feel really happy. My parents sometimes call me their daughter super sarcastically, almost mockingly, and each time they do I wish I could tell them how they made my day. I wouldn't say I'm a stereotypical girl, though. I enjoy physical activity and the grind that comes with working out(until I look in the mirror and see myself developing a less-than-feminine figure). I enjoy playing video games and whatnot. Sometimes, I find that my gender aligns fine with my sex, and I just live completely as a guy not thinking about my gender dysphoria. But more often than not recently, I'm met with this overbearing feeling that I'm just a girl though I'd been confident I was a guy with no doubts but just a month ago.

As I mentioned previously, a big frustration of mine that comes with this is my workouts. I'm a firm believer in making your body as strong and healthy as it can be, and I workout very frequently...that is, when I'm feeling like a guy. When I'm feeling closer to female, I want to avoid anything that gets me more muscular and physically makes me look a lot less feminine. It's aggravating because a part of me would love to go to the gym and grind reps to improve my athleticism, but another part of me would do anything not to get more muscular.

Since I was maybe 11, I'd been begging my parents to let me grow my hair. I think it would make me look more feminine and help me be more comfortable with myself. I was allowed to grow out my hair for around a year, but I was forced to cut it again because "it looked gay". I've argued with my parents about my hair for several years now, and they reluctantly let me start growing it out again. I'm now a year and a half into growing it back out but the arguments still go on. I've got my parents convinced that this is just a new trend that guys think is cool nowadays. I'd love to tell them how I feel about my gender, but if I did there is no doubt that they would shave my head again.

I apologize if this post really disorganized and confusing to read. >.<
I don't know what I expect to get out of posting this, but I need to say this all somewhere or I may accidentally spill it in front of my family.

I can't speak for you but for myself at least 50% of my desires to dress and live as a woman have to do with sex addiction. I'm still trying to figure out what the other 50% is about but joining Sexaholics Anonymous has helped me to calm down some, not be so constantly aroused in fantasy thoughts about myself.

[Kurteous]

Hey bri00!

I saw this post and couldn't leave it alone. I'm in the same boat as you. Well, almost in the same boat as you, because our roles are a bit switched.

See, I'm 16 as well, but I was born female. I've identified as gender-fluid since I was in seventh grade, which seems incredibly young, but it felt right at the time. It still does, but it leaves me questioning myself every day because I know so many people believe it to be an invalid identity. Whether or not people question the validity of it, what we both feel is incredibly real.

I was born in a fairly conservative family as well. My parents are both homophobic and transphobic and my parents are both Christians, my mother in particular being a devout one. Thing is, I get it. It's such a crappy feeling to have to keep these feelings in all the time and have no release or outlet for them. These past couple of months I've been questioning whether or not I'm just trans and not genderfluid as well, because I've been leaning towards the male side of things for so long. It's a lot to consider and there are so many conflicting emotions. Sometimes I feel like a walking contradiction. One day I sway one direction and it feels right and I feel right, but then a couple weeks later, sometimes days later, I'm thrown off balance and I lean the other way. It's a weird thing to experience and describe, but at least you're not alone!

It can be a great burden, so I just wanted to let you know that if you ever need someone to talk to about this, I'm here. It's always nice to talk to someone who is going through the same thing as you!

[Elio]

Hello,

Check out this book: https://www.amazon.com/Symptoms-Bein.../dp/0062382861

It helped me in understanding that regardless of what fluidity I have in my gender, it is not what I would consider gender fluid. I do feel everyone has a bit of fluidity day to day in their gender. I know with me when I am feeling my most feminine I feel like a gay guy and when I am feeling my most masculine I feel like a dude. At no time do I feel like a girl; however, I was raised a girl and have the social constructs of female social rules ingrained in me. Most the time I feel like I am neither and both at the same time - some 3rd other that has no breasts but also has no penis but is a man. I best describe it as a male eunuch, still not completely accurate but close.