[growlycat]

My new therapist planted this seed in my head and I feel the need to explore it. I have not been in a relationship romantically for at least 15 years. I find the sexual pressure suffocating and sometimes scary due to past trauma. I always assumed I was a straight lady with a fear of sexual intimacy. T hinted that maybe I'm actually asexual. I want to be in a relationship and I do have libido but the sexual aspects in a relationship are usually too much for me. What term in the Ace community would fit someone like me? Do I fit at all? What is your experience like if you can relate? I welcome the opening up of relationship types and definitions but I admit the terms are confusing.

**not even sure if my post is appropriate on this thread. If not I apologize! I know some feel that this can be intrusive If anyone feels that way I'll ask the mods to move or delete this

Hey growly,

I'm very ignorant of the ace community in general. I found this wiki, maybe it'll help - http://wiki.asexuality.org/Main_Page

I think there's a community on tumblr too but I'm not familiar with it.

I hope you get some responses soon

[growlycat]

Thanks. I've watched a lot of YouTube channels with good info. I feel there is a lot in that community that is really admirable, like different kinds new of relationships that are deeper than friendships. There is something very loving to it that I respect even though I'm not sure if the definition fits me entirely.

[bounceback]

Yes I can relate. I have also explored possibly being assexual due to past trauma. I have been afraid of intimacy and have spent longer than you without a relationship. I went to the AVEN website but it didn't fit me. They are very accepting there though. There are different shades of being asexual which I don't understand. I do experience sexual attraction I just have fear of intimacy.

I am older now and am pretty comfortable being the way I am now. I belong to a singles group on facebook and it has helped me feel better about my situation and being single and all.

Heteromantic asexual possibly. You totally fit! I've identified as asexual in some way or another for the past 7+ years. Right now I feel like I'm somewhere between a Grey-A. You could also be demisexual. I know it can all be confusing, I still am unsure of some of the terms myself. I know I probably didn't help much, but maybe some others can give their input as well

[growlycat]

Originally Posted by lostbynovember

Heteromantic asexual possibly. You totally fit! I've identified as asexual in some way or another for the past 7+ years. Right now I feel like I'm somewhere between a Grey-A. You could also be demisexual. I know it can all be confusing, I still am unsure of some of the terms myself. I know I probably didn't help much, but maybe some others can give their input as well

Thank you so much for this. I at least now have some solid terms/words to look up. hopefully someday all the different ways of loving will be known to all and not a big deal. Just a regular part of life.

[hdann07]

Your fear of sexual intimacy may be due to your past trauma. Try to start small whenever you get into a relationship, or maybe even wait a long time for any physical contact.

[just2b]

Same boat...but not sure I need a label. Since divorce 9 years ago, haven't desired anything except week of my cycle or leading up to it. The thought of sex is revolting!
No desire when I see a cute guy either. It's just me right now