[Moth-fly]

I had a lot of thoughts last night, thoughts that have popped up time and time again, and they essentially amalgamate into:

"You don't really suffer from gender dysphoria, you've just learned how dysphoric people act and you're copying them, because any solid identity is better than having zero clue who you really are."

Which... doesn't make sense to me, because my dysphoria kicked in before the Internet taught me about the concept of gender identity. And additionally, if a solid identity was all I craved, why wouldn't I just be okay living as a man? I mean, right? And I'm not worried about coming off as some kind of "transtrender" either, because I generally avoid communities centered around anything-- my trials/tribulations regarding my gender have always revolved around my personal happiness, so... And then my reaction to all this ranges from "Ehh" to "I don't wanna' do this anymore I don't wanna do this anymore I don't wanna' do this anymore".

The fact that I'm even a little worried that my own perception of my gender identity is invalid, this sensation that I can't even trust my own discomfort and emotions is... mildly horrifying, to say the least.

Have you heard of trans OCD (cis people having OCD fears that they're trans), and it's opposite?

Here's one account of someone whose trans with "cis OCD" - https://letsqueerthingsup.com/2016/0...nder-identity/

[spondiferous]

I have similar stuff going on. I know that I've had gender dysphoria my whole life, long before I even had a framework for 'gender identity'. But I have regular OCD and it messes with me all the time. It's not even about 'whether or not I'm trans' (because I know I'm at the very least nonbinary, and definitely not the gender I was assigned at birth) but it's more about control, and perfectionism, and just my brain throwing things into the mix that have no business being there, like the idea that I don't really know myself, that there are huge horrendous parts of me I've never noticed that are rising to the surface, that sort of thing. Most of the time I'm fine but when I'm symptomatic with my OCD (like I am right now) it all becomes too much to handle.

[Moth-fly]

Originally Posted by QuietMind

Have you heard of trans OCD (cis people having OCD fears that they're trans), and it's opposite?

Here's one account of someone whose trans with "cis OCD" - https://letsqueerthingsup.com/2016/0...nder-identity/

I have not, and this made for a good read! And additionally just browsing through this blog helped connect some other unrelated pieces concerning my productivity, so uh, thanks for both of those.

Originally Posted by spondiferous

I have similar stuff going on. I know that I've had gender dysphoria my whole life, long before I even had a framework for 'gender identity'. But I have regular OCD and it messes with me all the time. It's not even about 'whether or not I'm trans' (because I know I'm at the very least nonbinary, and definitely not the gender I was assigned at birth) but it's more about control, and perfectionism, and just my brain throwing things into the mix that have no business being there, like the idea that I don't really know myself, that there are huge horrendous parts of me I've never noticed that are rising to the surface, that sort of thing. Most of the time I'm fine but when I'm symptomatic with my OCD (like I am right now) it all becomes too much to handle.

Well I'm not sure I have OCD-- I mean, I don't feel safe individually gauging that-- but this is essentially what I was trying to get across, soooo~~, thanks for doing a better job than I could?

[spondiferous]

Originally Posted by Moth-fly

Well I'm not sure I have OCD-- I mean, I don't feel safe individually gauging that-- but this is essentially what I was trying to get across, soooo~~, thanks for doing a better job than I could?

I'm sure things like this are present in other diagnoses as well. Intrusive thoughts/paranoia (or whatever you want to call it) are common in other diagnoses. I'm just pretty sure it's OCD for me. Either way, if you feel you need support, and/or if you ever want to talk about stuff feel free to message me in private or put a message on my profile.