[Leaf123]

Okay, so I’m a biologically female teenager who has been struggling to gender related issues over the past three years or so. I’m beginning to find coping with my thoughts and feelings really tough, so I suppose I’d share my experience with people who might be able to offer any support or advice.

In summary, I am not comfortable with my female body. It is the shape of it more than anything that makes me feel a great deal of confusing emotions. My chest is probably the part that causes the worst feelings, though I have at points felt bad about my hips, leg shape etc. I feel trapped by my body; I have this feeling of discomfort that can manifest as anything from a quiet irritation whilst having to wear certain clothes, to an overwhelming, sickening feeling that takes all my attention. It’s such a difficult sensation to describe- I feel like my body is just not comfortable to live in, like an itchy outfit I can never take off. It truly is a draining, isolating experience.

I have tried to cope in a variety of ways. I made the choice to invest in a binder, which has helped me through and given me confidence in a range of situations, but I understand that it is not ideal for body and so I try to limit my usage.

I suppose my discomfort has a social component too. Sometimes, I want to be seen as male, though not overly masculine. Much of the time, I wish gender didn’t exist, so I wouldn’t even have to think about all this. I’m quite involved in theatre, and have a long list of male roles I’d love to play, but sadly, cross-gender casting seems to be very rare (my singing voice also causes me some frustration, as I try to sing male songs and my voice just doesn’t have the right tone.)

I think, if I’d had the choice, I would want to be born male. But I hate admitting that to myself, and I can kind of deal with the objective idea of being female, though I also wish I wasn’t defined by gender at all. Also, I am kind of familiar with my female identity (my name, how others know me etc.) and I don’t think fully transitioning would be right for me. It’s very complicated.

So, I guess I’m mainly here because I am really quite confused, and at a loss as to what to do next. I know that this isn’t normal. I also know that my feelings are hindering my everyday life- they often strike when I’m trying to study, which causes a massive distraction that’s really unhelpful. I’d like to seek some sort of therapy, but I’m terrified, and I don’t know where to start.

Thanks for reading this post. I’d really appreciate any advice or support from people who know their stuff.

[Keyplayer]

Hi Leaf123 ,

I am truly sorry for your pain , as a teenager and trans , what you are going through is called Gender Dysphoria , as described in the DSM-5.

In the past it would have been described a Gender Identity Disorder ( DSM-4 ) , however last year the WHO ( World Health Org. ) demanded change in terminology , because what we are going through is NOT a disorder.

Yes I did say WE , me too , I am trans MtF and just identify as trans , as I have not taken any step to transition ( HRT / upper & lower surgery ) , not sure if I ever will because of my age.

My dysphoria comes from a long time of not being true to myself.

Last Sept. 27th I told my therapist I was trans. Until then I could barely think it , but I built up the courage to tell my T and have since taken acknowledgment that I was born in the wrong body. I wish I had done it sooner , but at least I did it , and I did it for me.

So you , being dysphoric in your wrong assigned birth sex , is the pain you are feeling.

Some people just don`t get how it feels to be gender dysphoric , and unless you are , it is very hard for anyone to truly understand the emotional turmoil we go through on a day to day basis.

The only ones that are not trans and can understand are trained therapist and doctors that deal or have understanding of the needs of the transgender person.

I understand your reluctance to tell anyone , so let me tell you about how I told my therapist.

I when in for my app. and said " T , I must tell you something" , she said ok . so I went on about alpha males and how most men are truck drivers and hunters and super masculine , and I told her that is not me. I when on to tell her I would rather go to a tea party than a hunting party , of course by this time I was shaking like a leave , and she kept telling me to calm down , trying to keep me grounded.

Anyway , when I had laid it all out , in the open , my head was spinning. She asked if I was all right , I told her actually for the first time I feel almost prefect. She asked if I would like to share more and I did.

To make a long story shorter , the next day when I woke , it was like waking up to a new life , and all I had done was tell someone.

I can imagine what you are going through , PM me anytime you need to talk , I will be here for you , because I understand.

Please trust me , what ever therapist or doctor ( I would suggest a therapist first , as my doctor still does not know , he will soon when I go for my check-up ).

Just be easy on yourself . We will talk again , but understand you are perfect , you are just going to be better than perfect

Take care

Keyplayer

[Keyplayer]

Hi , me again , a quick tip on binders:

Do not compress using an ace bandage , as you have mentioned not healthy to compress to much.

Tip 1 : One size down with a sports bra might help . > link

https://www.hanes.com/shop/hanes/wom...over-bra-hg505

Tip 2 : Corset Liner , when worn in the upper chest area it will compress slightly more that a sports bra so DO NOT size down ! >link

https://www.amazon.com/Chabame-Seaml.../dp/B073X1R37D

I hope this helps

Later , me

[Leaf123]

Originally Posted by Keyplayer

Hi Leaf123 ,

I am truly sorry for your pain , as a teenager and trans , what you are going through is called Gender Dysphoria , as described in the DSM-5.

In the past it would have been described a Gender Identity Disorder ( DSM-4 ) , however last year the WHO ( World Health Org. ) demanded change in terminology , because what we are going through is NOT a disorder.

Yes I did say WE , me too , I am trans MtF and just identify as trans , as I have not taken any step to transition ( HRT / upper & lower surgery ) , not sure if I ever will because of my age.

My dysphoria comes from a long time of not being true to myself.

Last Sept. 27th I told my therapist I was trans. Until then I could barely think it , but I built up the courage to tell my T and have since taken acknowledgment that I was born in the wrong body. I wish I had done it sooner , but at least I did it , and I did it for me.

So you , being dysphoric in your wrong assigned birth sex , is the pain you are feeling.

Some people just don`t get how it feels to be gender dysphoric , and unless you are , it is very hard for anyone to truly understand the emotional turmoil we go through on a day to day basis.

The only ones that are not trans and can understand are trained therapist and doctors that deal or have understanding of the needs of the transgender person.

I understand your reluctance to tell anyone , so let me tell you about how I told my therapist.

I when in for my app. and said " T , I must tell you something" , she said ok . so I went on about alpha males and how most men are truck drivers and hunters and super masculine , and I told her that is not me. I when on to tell her I would rather go to a tea party than a hunting party , of course by this time I was shaking like a leave , and she kept telling me to calm down , trying to keep me grounded.

Anyway , when I had laid it all out , in the open , my head was spinning. She asked if I was all right , I told her actually for the first time I feel almost prefect. She asked if I would like to share more and I did.

To make a long story shorter , the next day when I woke , it was like waking up to a new life , and all I had done was tell someone.

I can imagine what you are going through , PM me anytime you need to talk , I will be here for you , because I understand.

Please trust me , what ever therapist or doctor ( I would suggest a therapist first , as my doctor still does not know , he will soon when I go for my check-up ).

Just be easy on yourself . We will talk again , but understand you are perfect , you are just going to be better than perfect

Take care

Keyplayer

Hey,

Thanks so much for the support and guidance. It means so much to simply know that I'm not alone in all this, and there are others who know how this feels.

I will definitely try to follow your advice on speaking to a therapist. It really gives me hope that some sort of relief can be found this way- I suppose talking to someone about something so personal in real life might be frightening at first, but you've really encouraged me to just face the fear and go for it.

Thanks again for your reply- I've never directly talked to someone who shares this unique experience, and it is so uplifting to know I'm not alone.

Best wishes.

[Keyplayer]

Hi Leaf123 ,

I am so glad I was able to help , I understand the pain and emotional turmoil caused by gender dysphoria.

In a way you are fortunate to have been born of a time of understanding , at a time when people will help , and people do care.

You are never alone , I understand in the UK you need to be on a list or something ?? , If so please do it as soon as you are able , the faster you can get the help and guidance you need the better you will feel.

Also if you plan to fully transition , doing it at a young age is the correct thing to do .

God Bless , and if I can ever be of further help , just PM me ( you might need a minimum number. of posts ) .

Happy you found us , there is another website that you might want to check out , it is called Susan`s Place , link > https://www.susans.org

It is free to join and it is one of the safest most secured trans websites around.

I would much rather you either come here or go there too for help , rather than some Facebook page where safety might be an issue.

However you don`t need to even think of that now , therapist then doctor , in fact your therapist might be able to refer you

Truly glad you found us , take care.

Keyplayer 